In this episode, I share a powerful clip from a recent coaching call where a client and I dive deep into this "I'll eventually give in" mentality. We discover that this persistent thought often stems from a younger, wounded part of ourselves that needs love and healing, not just a mindset shift.   We explore how doing this deeper inner healing work is not separate from the process of quitting pornography, but an essential part of finding lasting freedom. Learn why shaming yourself or...

I dive into the research behind thought suppression and explore why trying to fight off or ignore sexual thoughts can actually make them more intense and lead to out-of-control behavior. If you've struggled with thought suppression around sexuality, this episode will give you a new perspective.    Learn the research behind thought suppression, and why learning the skill of allowing versus suppression is vital for you to navigate unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings. I explain why...

When we stop fearing and resisting our emotions, a whole new world of possibility opens up. Imagine being able to go after your biggest goals and dreams without being held back by the fear of failure, embarrassment, or rejection. Mastering the skill of feeling your feelings is the key to living an amazing life and overcoming pornography for good.   Discover the seven steps I teach my clients to help them process their emotions in a healthy way. By learning to name, locate, and relax into...

Hunter is our new coach and program ambassador at the Center for Overcoming Pornography. He facilitates our welcome calls, support group calls, and is generally the point of contact for anyone considering joining the program. His goal is to make sure everyone feels hopeful, connected, and knows what their next steps are, and he’s here today to share his story with you.   Join us this week as Hunter shares his own journey with pornography and how joining the program two years ago changed his...

Understanding the difference between head versus heart learning has been a crucial part of my own growth. The truth is, we don’t find answers in our heads. We find them in our heart. And when we find the answers in our heart, we can create real change in our lives.   Tune in this week to discover the important differences between head and heart learning. I share my experience of shifting from learning with my head to learning from the heart, and you’ll learn how to use heart learning to...

What is quitting porn really like and what has to change for you to be able to quit for good? Tune in this week to hear from Gabe about what’s really possible when you decide to quit porn and take action in pursuit of that goal. We discuss faith, shame, growth, and repentance, and Gabe shares the lessons he’s learned since deciding he wanted to quit viewing pornography.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here:...

Have you ever set a goal for yourself that felt impossible to achieve? Maybe you told yourself, “I'm never going to view porn again,” only to feel discouraged and ashamed when you couldn't live up to that standard.    Join me this week as I explore the concept of "dead people goals" and why they’re harmful to your progress in overcoming pornography. I share examples of common dead people goals and show you how they can damage your relationship with yourself, and you’ll also learn how to...

Do you feel stuck in a cycle of trying to quit porn, only to slip up and feel like a failure? Have you tried willpower, counting days, and shame tactics, but nothing seems to work long-term? If so, you're not alone.  Join me this week to discover the five biggest mistakes people make when trying to quit pornography. Whether you've struggled for decades or are just starting your journey, you’ll learn the tools and insights you need to finally break free and create the life you desire.   ...

Have you struggled to overcome pornography for years or even decades? Do you feel out of control, ashamed, and hopeless that you'll never be able to quit for good? If you resonate, today’s powerful episode will show you what's truly possible when it comes to breaking free from your porn habit.   Tune in to hear the breakthroughs Sam experienced that allowed him to finally quit porn for good after 20 years of failed attempts. He shares how overcoming his porn habit improved every area of his...

This week, I’m joined by Dr. Kersti Spjut, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in sexual health and perfectionism. With years of experience running programs at BYU for people conflicted about their porn use, she brings a wealth of knowledge and practical strategies to help navigate the unique challenges that come with having ADHD while trying to change sexual behaviors.   Tune in this week as Kersti dives deep into the connection between ADHD and porn use. She offers her insights...

One of the biggest misconceptions about having a porn habit is that if you’re experiencing unwanted pornography use, you’re lacking strength, willpower, or spirituality. This misleading belief is not only false but often leads to avoidance techniques I call Band-Aid solutions. In this episode, I show you how to stop relying on these quick fixes and how making tiny changes in the way you cope with emotions can change everything.   Discover what Band-Aid solutions can look like in practice...

To dive into abusive attitudes and behaviors, boundaries, and worthiness wounds, I’m joined by Lindsay Poelman this week. Lindsay started as a betrayal trauma coach for women whose husbands view porn and is now a facilitator for Trauma-Informed coaches. She’s here to shed light on how worthiness wounds can contribute to abusive attitudes and behaviors, and what you can do to start the healing process.   Discover the emotional wounds that often contribute to abusive dynamics in...

To protect and provide is a beautiful energy that can be used for so much good in our world, regardless of gender. However, in the presence of worthiness wounds, these values can quickly turn toxic, and I show you how in this episode.   Hear what worthiness wounds are, why they hurt, and how they might be showing up for you if you identify with the value of protecting and providing. Learn how this role turns toxic if you haven’t healed your worthiness wounds, why this conditioning is often...

The working backwards process is all about figuring out what you’re buffering from. The value lies in going further back than you might typically be used to, to get to the root of why you self-sabotaged. By uncovering the root cause of your self-sabotage, you unlock the keys to building lasting change.   I walk you through the keys to using the working backwards process effectively, and share an example from my own life of how I use this technique to understand myself better and replace...

Let’s talk about shame-free commitment. Whether your goal is to quit viewing porn completely, view it a couple of times a week, or heal your sexual shame, the why behind it is an essential component of your journey to quitting porn.   Your feelings are the fuel for your quitting journey. I show you how to ditch the shame and focus on building shame-free commitments that empower you to live your best life.   Get full show notes and more information here:...

If you’re currently on a journey towards quitting your pornography habit, chances are you’ve experienced denial along the way. Denial is a defensive state where you might refuse to accept or look at the truth, and while this is a common human experience, shame and guilt often come along with it.   Learn a shame-free perspective on denial and examples of when denial shows up as a result of grief. Hear about the importance of noticing and feeling your sense of grief and how to find the peace...

In this Worthiness Wounds series, I’ll be speaking specifically to men and the worthiness wounds I’ve observed. A worthiness wound is the wound of shame and never feeling good enough, believing you have to do or be something more to be worthy. It’s not your fault if you resonate, but you’re the only one who can heal them, and I’m showing you how.   Learn about the conditioning men receive that creates worthiness wounds and the types of results they produce. Hear why you’ll continue to feel...

If you’re learning new skills related to your porn use, they’re changing your life, and you’re feeling the benefits, but other people don’t get it, you’re not alone. Many people find themselves in situations where they feel relentlessly attacked by shame messages. While it might feel like it’s hindering your healing process, the truth is your power doesn’t come from other people finally getting it.   Learn what to do when everyone around you takes a shame approach to porn. I’m showing you...

Coach Kat is on the show this week to address the it’s-not-working mentality, where you feel stuck and like nothing has changed. Maybe it feels like you’ve been doing the work for months, only to keep viewing porn. Perhaps this plateau is tempting you to give up, but the truth is the breakthrough you’re looking for is right around the corner.   Listen in this week as Coach Kat shows you how the it’s-not-working mentality might be showing up for you, and why you shouldn’t give up at this...

This week’s Ask a Coach question is one many of you can probably relate to: “Does the shame I feel after slipping up and viewing porn ever really go away?”   While we can learn to move through shame in different and more useful ways, I don’t know that it’s possible to completely get rid of it. The good news is that while shame will continue to show up for us, what we can do is start developing shame-resilience. Coach Jessica Farmer is here this week to shed light on what it means to become...

A common theme we see frequently in our Ask a Coach feature revolves around our Learn and Move On worksheet. Clients fill in their Learn and Move On before sending it in for feedback, and because it’s such a vital part of our process, Coach Kat is here to share five ways you can make it more beneficial to you.   Learn five practical tips for making the most of our Learn and Move On worksheet. Coach Kat is sharing how you can use it to collect data, get more precise about what’s going on for...

We’re diving straight into listener questions for a special Q&A on healthy sexuality. We tackle a variety of thought-provoking questions, from a listener who feels disconnected from his sexuality and believes it's controlled by his spouse to concerns about whether masturbation causes erectile dysfunction. Plus, we hear from someone who has overcome shame about masturbation but now worries about discussing changes in her body with a future spouse.   Learn how to approach sensitive...

If you've been working on quitting porn for a long time but still keep viewing pornography, you might be asking, "What if there really is something wrong with me?" There are a few things we need to unpack in order to answer this question in a productive way. So if you have been trying to quit but you're still turning to pornography, and you're starting to worry that something really is wrong with you, this episode is for you.   Discover how the sentence, "There's something wrong with me…"...

I am doing a bonus Q&A episode in a couple of weeks! If you have questions about previous episodes around healthy sexuality, porn panic, masturbation, healthy, sexuality, etc. send them to [email protected] and we will answer them in this upcoming episode!