We've been doing this show for around 6 months... We came into this not knowing what to expect. To say our lives have been changed is an understatement. Today we're going to do a recap of some of our favorite takeaways since we started the show. We might take a bit of a break after this episode as we RETHINK (see what I did there?) what we want the future of the show to look like. I hope you're able to tune in and say hi on today's episode!

Now that we know the 6 Principles of Sexual Health, it's time to create our own Sexual Health Plan. Just like physical fitness, if we want to get healthy, it helps to develop a plan. The plan helps us move towards our goals, avoid damaging behaviors, and develop healthy habits. The plan typically involves some sort of support system. And our ability to succeed in following the plan means we need to have clarity around our values so that our plan is in alignment with them.

A few weeks ago, Utah's governor signed a bill to make porn filters mandatory on any mobile device or tablet sold in the state. This prompted an interesting conversation within our group about sexual ethics. The conversation was so interesting that we decided to stop having it without sharing it with you... So we're having it here. Today we're talking about using the 6 Principles for Sexual Health as a framework for your sexual ethics.

Do you want to eradicate shame, and rebuild trust? Well, telling the truth (or not keeping secrets) is only ONE part of honesty. The other part is making sure you have created an environment where your partner feels safe to be honest. In order for true honesty to exist, you HAVE to have rules of engagement for your relationship. Today we're going to talk about what your rules of engagement could look like, and how to have that conversation.

Anyone who is struggling with porn problems is struggling with shame. You don't get one without the other. In our last episode, we talked about shame, where it comes from, and how it impacts us and our relationships. Today, we share the light at the end of the tunnel. We will talk about the courageous acts required to break free of your shame. We will show you how to start taking responsibility for your negative cycles. Don't miss this one! 

How Do I Find My Pleasure & Keep My Faith? This is a question that challenges many people... I cherish my faith. It's important to me. I don't want to give it up... But I also don't want to hold to my faith if it's doing me damage, or harming my relationship with myself or others... So, how do we develop and explore sexual pleasure without reliquishing our relationship with the divine? This is the conversation we'll be wrestling with today.

There's a motif in Christianity of "bearing your cross." The reason the story of Christianity has endured is not that Jesus suffered and died... but that he overcame suffering and death. His story inspires people to find meaning and purpose in their own suffering. Today, we're going to talk about finding meaning in a porn crisis. Can it be painful? Yes. Can it leave you feeling hopeless? Absolutely. But can it also be the source of deep and profound meaning, purpose, and self-discovery.

You keep it a secret, hoping nobody will ever find out. "My secrets aren't hurting anyone." But you know if the wrong person found out, it could cause immense pain and damage to your relationships and your reputation. So you start to consider having a discussion... Revealing your true self to those you love. At least then you can do it on your own terms. But admitting out loud that you're struggling with porn feels impossible. In today's conversation, we're going to talk about that...

At the end of our last conversation, after we'd stopped recording, Hans shared an epiphany... It was an "ah ha!" moment for several of us. It shed light on why so many people have a hard time STOPPING their porn problems. I got goosebumps... As we talked about his epiphany (which we'll share with you today), we realized it came because Hans was living 2 of the Principles of Sexual Health: Honesty and Pleasure. We're excited to talk to you about the intersection of those two principles...

What To Do When Someone Crosses Your Sexual Boundaries

"I hate myself." "If anyone knew what I've done, they would be appalled." "I'm unworthy of love." These statements are fueled by sexual shame. Brené Brown says shame needs 3 things to thrive: Secrecy, silence, and judgement. So, today we're going to talk about sexual shame. Specifically, we'll talk about where it comes from, how it impacts us, and hopefully we'll dive into what to do about it as individuals, and as couples.

Exploitation is when a person leverages their power and control to get what they want. When you approach these sexual health conversations with a specific goal in mind, it's easy to subtly exploit your partner to get the outcome you desire. This week we're going to talk about how we subtly exploit each other, and how that exploitation kills curiosity and empathy, and gets in the way of us creating strong, nourishing, and connecting sexual health agreements with the people we love.

The husband is typically the one trying to stop watching porn, and all the focus is on him: Why does he watch it? What support does he need? When will he screw up again? Rarely do we give proper attention to the needs, experiences, and perspectives of the wife/partner. Today, in proper Rethinking Porn Addiction fashion, we're going to have a wives episode! We hope you tune in, and that you share this with anyone who has a partner struggling with porn.

// If you enjoy this conversation, make sure you hear the rest over at HTTP://areweroommates.com // If it's not medically accurate to call pornography an addiction (as we've talked about in past conversations), what does it mean when you feel out-of-control? How do you draw the line between problematic behavior that's outside your value system... and sexual behavior that's out of control? Is there a point where you should start to feel worried? Let's talk about it!

Sexual Health and Healthy Sexuality... They sound the same, but they're not. Today we're going to dive deeper into the principles and ideas of sexual health. We'll talk about how everyone's definition of "Healthy Sexuality" is a little different. We'll talk a bit about the myth that there is no "moral floor." And we'll delve into what it looks like for you to start developing a more clear definition of sexual health for yourself, and for your relationship.

Most of us grew up feeling like our worthiness, our virtue, and our ability to be loved hinged on whether or not we were obeying certain rules or keeping commandments. Principles, on the other hand, are at the root of the "rules" we live by. This week we are going to talk about how these principles fit into our morals and rules. We'll explore how these principles can elevate the conversation beyond mere rule-following.

When we talk about developing sexual health, typically all we focus on is avoiding "disease." Staying away from the bad stuff... But sexual health isn't just moving away from things you don't want. It's moving towards things you DO want. So, in this conversation, we're going to start talking about the fundamentals of sexual health... namely, the balance of safety and pleasure. They are both important aspects of your sexual health, and it's important to talk about them together.

Things I've heard people say in the last week: "I'm addicted to Oreos." "I'm addicted to my phone." "I'm addicted to porn." In each of these conversations, the word "addiction" was used. But I'm pretty sure someone being addicted to Oreos is not the same as being addicted to heroin. In this conversation, we're going to talk to mental and sexual health experts. What does "addiction" actually mean? When is "addiction" the right word to use in relation to porn?

We all have beliefs around pornography. We have different beliefs about what pornography actually is. At the source of our actions, our words, and even our emotions... are our beliefs. In order to RETHINK Porn Addiction, we must learn to get curious about our beliefs. Getting curious doesn't mean we need to CHANGE them. But by getting curious, we learn to understand our beliefs... and as a result, we learn to understand ourselves more deeply.

This week we're going to revisit the "What is Porn" conversation from last week (since we got a little sidetracked) and talk to you about some interesting things that came up for us regarding boundaries last week. We're glad you're here, and we're excited to continue the conversation with you.

What does pornography actually mean? It's important to have a mutual understanding of what pornography is, or you can't talk about it productively. In this week's conversation, we're going to talk about what porn is, and what it isn't. By talking about what pornography is, our hope is that it will become less scary to talk about, and less emotionally charged. The goal is to make talking about porn as easy as talking about golf.

Unwanted pornography viewing is leaving countless couples and individuals feeling betrayed, alone, and deeply ashamed. There are lots of questions...And few clear answers. "How do we move forward? Can we ever recover?" In our very first conversation, we're going to examine *why* unwanted, out-of-control pornography viewing causes us so much pain.