In the 7th installment of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, presents a compelling crossover episode between The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism. This episode delves into the complex journey of healing and empowerment for individuals who have survived relationships characterized by emotional immaturity, narcissism, and controlling behavior. Through a blend of personal narratives and expert analysis, Tony shares the nuanced and significant harm inflicted by...

Part 2 of Tony’s dive into how narcissism and emotional immaturity contribute to the different attachment styles that we show up with in adulthood. Continuing to read from the article “Nar...

Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the misuse of self-help and philosophical principles by the narcissist and the emotionally immature. Tony uses Stoicism and the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca as a backdrop to show how seemingly safe topics like self-care, hobbies, and reasons to focus on the here and now can be weaponized and used as manipulation tactics by the emotionally immature and those who exhibit strong narcissistic traits and tendencies. Tony also provides examples...

Tony zooms in on emotional immaturity, grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, and how they affect relationships. He illustrates these concepts with hypothetical scenarios and emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between healthy ego and pathological defensive narcissism. He also briefly highlights how developing a healthy ego can contribute to personal growth and better relationships. Part two of this episode will dig deeper into the origin stories of narcissistic personality disorder and...

Tony discusses "Popcorn Moments" - those crucial instances where choosing not to react to narcissistic or emotionally immature behavior can be the most powerful response. This episode dive...

Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the hidden dynamics and assigned roles within dysfunctional and narcissistic family systems. The podcast outlines the roles of the Enabler, the Hero, the Scapegoat, the Lost Child, and the Mascot, all of whom are developed as coping mechanisms to manage family stress and chaos. Each role is reviewed in depth, including the implications for the individual's development, identity, and potential for later life challenges and relationships. The episode also...

Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the impact of narcissistic or emotionally immature parents on their children. Drawing from a personal letter sent in by a listener, as well as clinical cases and research, Tony explores the hallmarks of narcissistic and emotionally immature parenting and how these behaviors shape children's emotional development and future relationships. This episode emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and adjustment in parenting to break harmful patterns and create...

Tony tackles the topic of emotional whiplash in narcissistic relationships. He explores how people can feel loved and appreciated one moment and then demeaned and dismissed the next by a narcissistic partner, leading to confusion and emotional turmoil. Using the story of Sarah and Mike, he unpacks this unpredictable and damaging dynamic. Tony also explains concepts like whole object relations and object constancy and how they become compromised in emotionally immature relationships. He...

If you say “it” the right way, will the narcissist ever get “it” whatever “it” is? Tony introduces his 'Five Foolproof Formulas for Navigating Narcissistic Nonsense,' which helps maintain emotional stability and a sense of self in challenging relationships. Tony also critically analyzes a passage from the book 'Rethinking Narcissism' by Dr. Craig Malkin, where he finds a logical inconsistency that might give false hope to 'pathologically kind persons' who constantly try to induce 'aha...

Tony unpacks the complexities of co-parenting with a narcissistic or emotionally immature individual. Addressing a listener's question, Tony delves into the nature of developing children, ...

“If I’m asking if I’m the narcissist, then Tony says I’m not!” Tony shares that he receives more feedback on this concept than any other from WUTN listeners. But what happens when the narcissist or emotionally immature person in your life gets ahold of this “script?” Does simply repeating this sentence elicit change? Tony details this question and introduces the concept of 'shelf life', a temporary behavioral change in emotionally immature people. We debate the question, 'If you're asking...

Tony and Kate Anthony, divorce coach and author of “The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage,” (https://amzn.to/47V1AKe (https://amzn.to/47V1AKe)) unpack the complex dynamics involved with the decision to stay or leave a relationship, typically with an emotionally immature or narcissistic partner. Kate shares her divorce story and explores the importance of establishing personal boundaries and self-care throughout the journey. The conversation discusses the fundamental...

Tony Overbay discusses some individuals' challenges when attempting to issue sincere and effective apologies. He discusses our evolutionary predisposition to spot danger and make comparisons, making happiness and contentment difficult to maintain. Tony explores the concepts of self-compassion, mindful self-reflection, and effective apology skills, which he believes are critical for personal growth and emotional maturity. He helps listeners understand how growing up with emotionally immature...

How does abuse impact an individual's spirituality and relationship with God? And how critical is it for a spiritual leader to be non-judgmental, empathetic, and compassionate when someone comes into their office talking about abuse? These critical questions are at the heart of today’s episode. Tony Overbay, LMFT, engages in an insightful conversation with Ryan Anderson, PhD, LMFT, and author of "The Choice to Leave Abuse (https://amzn.to/3N5pMS2)." This episode explores the complex issue of...

Ever wondered why some highly educated people fall for outlandish conspiracy theories? Dive into the latest episode of 'Waking Narcissism' with host Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, as he tackles this intriguing question. This thought-provoking episode explores the unexpected relationship between education, narcissism, and susceptibility to conspiracy theories, based on insights from Mark Travers, PhD's article 'Educated Narcissists Fall for Conspiracy...

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by intense emotions in a relationship, struggling to understand why your reactions seem out of your control? Especially if you, and most people in your life, view you as kind and caring rather than reactive and angry. Chances are that you’ve experienced the “amygdala hijack,” a survival technique that often seems to come out of nowhere but can be especially harmful in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature people, as they often are the ones...

In installment 6 of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series - "The Camouflaged Wounds - Seeing the Unseen," Tony Overbay, LMFT, addresses the complex issue of covert abuse in relationships, often described metaphorically as 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'. Tony explores how small, often overlooked actions can accumulate significant emotional distress. The episode challenges listeners to recognize the subtle signs of an unhealthy relationship, where one's sense of self is slowly chipped away by a...

Tony talks with Lori Finlay, a nurse practitioner, board-certified health coach, and health expert with a unique background in cardiology and wellness medicine. Lori opens up about her personal struggles with chronic fatigue and premature menopause and how she took control of her health journey through the study of epigenetics. As she weaves her narrative, she touches on her frustrations with inadequate medical treatment and the critical importance of functional medicine. Utilizing the...

Have you ever wondered how your perception shapes your relationships and what happens when it clashes with someone else's? In Episode 93 of the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast, host Tony Overbay cracks open this intricate topic by differentiating between 'perception' and 'perspective.' Not just a play on words, these two concepts wield significant power over your emotional and relational health. Tony unpacks how recognizing this distinction can be a game-changer, especially when dealing with...

Have you ever felt like someone is rewriting history, leaving you questioning your memory and sanity? What if there was a psychological explanation for this behavior? In today's episode, Tony revisits the concept of confabulation. Confabulation is a psychological mechanism where people create false memories or stories, often to fill gaps in their history or to avoid facing uncomfortable truths. We'll examine how this behavior is common among emotionally immature individuals and those with...

Tony welcomes his daughter Mackie, host of "The Mind, the Mirror and Me" podcast, via this special bonus episode to talk about the important role that solitude can play in raising one's emotional baseline. Follow Mackie at https://www.instagram.com/beautybymackie/ (https://www.instagram.com/beautybymackie/) or Tony's new "Waking Up to Narcissism" Instagram account at https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ (https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/) or his regular account at...

In today’s episode of "Waking Up to Narcissism," Tony Overbay, LMFT, examines relationships affected by narcissism and emotional immaturity. A listener shares a story about their partner's over-the-top reactions, including a helicopter rescue on a hike. The conversation then shifts to characteristics of healthy relationships and the pitfalls of dealing with emotionally immature partners. Another listener's letter prompts a promise to dive deeper into the challenges faced when partnered with a...

Forgive and forget. “Can’t we just let the past be in the past and move forward?” To someone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist or an extremely emotionally immature person, these concepts can have a negative impact, adding additional layers of guilt and shame to a situation already heavy with “what’s wrong with me?” messages. Today, Tony covers the contrasting concepts of 'acceptance' and 'forgiveness.' Explore why the nuanced understanding of acceptance, as outlined in...

Tony explores the Dunning-Kruger effect—a cognitive bias where individuals misjudge their abilities—and its interplay with emotional immaturity and narcissism. Starting with a humorous take on a narcissist, an emotionally immature person, and a "nice guy" in a bar, Tony delves into the complex landscape of self-awareness and interpersonal dynamics. Through the lens of real-life workplace examples and the evocative "Man in a Hole" metaphor, the episode underscores the importance of recognizing...