Cycles of grief
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“We tend to speak of grief as something that only happens when someone dies. I’ve experienced grief over and over with the many losses of my father who made his final departure from this life over this past weekend. I’ve experienced the loss of my father, unbelievably, since the day I was born. He was not present at my birth. Of course, I couldn’t know this at the moment of my birth but this was a painful thing to learn when I was older and it is written on the pages of my life. He was lost to me again at 9 years of age when he left my mother. He was lost to me over and over throughout the years, missing the big and small events of my life. The small ones possibly being the most important ones - sharing day-to-day stories, feelings; everything about mundane daily life that weaves family members together. When he was present, there was some goodness, some love. But it always ended. There was never an assured “tomorrow”. Those special times could only be fit into some sort of schedule or had to be tied to a purpose (he used to take me to my orthodontist for my appointments). Then I lost him to ignorance. I did not know he had strokes, was diagnosed with prostate cancer and Parkinson’s disease. His second wife “didn’t want to bother” me or my siblings. Then he was lost to his illness - the few things we had shared in this life were forgotten. He didn’t know my name, he forgot everything about me, everything about us. And just over the last few months, he was lost to me forever. Taken to another country, becoming ill enough for me to never have the chance to hear his voice again, and, finally, may he rest in peace, passing away. I have not been given any information about his death. I do not know the date or time he passed. My siblings and I are suffering still, even beyond his death because the details surrounding his passing have been kept from us and so, have also been lost to us. God have mercy on the souls of those who deprived us of our right to know. May this pain lessen over time. His name was Hernando Pinzón. Say his name. Rest in peace, Daddy. All is forgiven. I hope you forgive us for not understanding, too.”
Muscle mom 5 via Apple Podcasts ·
United States of America ·
02/06/24
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