Good to be back from gardening leave, touching on all the hard-hitting subjects, from 4ft phalluces to twizzling knobs and bringing back all the old favourites from Rebecca's crevice with cows on flumes to flying fish cakes and deers in thruples. Enjoy.

Coming back, guns fully, (or at least semi) cocked with Poland being terrified by the most mysterious of creatures, the croissant. Also featuring a smattering of the Gates splitting up, dishwashers playing hide and seek, tired thieves in the night and strangers waking you up to tell you they're...