Imagine this: it’s 1984, the date, not the bleak political statement, but nonetheless, you are concerned because you have just sat down with a finite amount of popcorn and candy but an infinite amount of story with the incorrectly titled The Never Ending Story. This story tells the story of a little meatball getting picked on all the time because he’s an intellectual, unlike the dullards chasing him from dumpster to dumpster. But this little bowl-cut kid wanders into a bookstore with a creepy old dude who orchestrates the theft of a book so the wee man can get some goddamn pleasure from somewhere. The kid mistakenly leaves the playboy behind and grabs the title book where a bunch of fantasy stuff is disappearing from the same thing you wish this writeup had more of: nothing. This flick made some serious dough, but it was more of a huge cultural moment for kids of the age, and we were such kids. So, does it hold up? Listen in as Jon, Colin, and Brent enjoy giant titty statues and snail trails as we try our best to figure out if we wish this story never ended or never began.