If you want to destroy your relationship, make assumptions. If you want to inject it with hope and joy, believe the best.  In this week's podcast episode, we listen to Dr. Morgan Cutlip's (@drmorgancutlip) strong warning against making assumptions in relationships. We encourage people to instead believe the best. We actually did a whole miniseries episode on this idea, which you can find here.  Dr. Cutlip suggests using the following questions and phrases to help when you feel assumption...

We all know the adage: Forgive and forget. So the question is, have you truly forgiven if you don’t forget? And furthermore, is this what the Bible tells us to do? (Hint: it isn't!) In this week’s (long!) podcast episode, we first listen to Nick Pollard (@thepeopledispleaser) as he shares that “Forgiveness is one of the most misused words in the English language.”  Then we unpack his concepts and talk about:  The importance of understanding why you are confessing Inviting Jesus into the...

You've probably heard this quote:“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” We contend that for a believer, your identity should be found in Christ, not those five people.  In this week's podcast episode, we talk through a reel shared by Shadé Zahrai (@shadezahrai) who interprets this quote to mean that who you spend a lot of time with influences how you feel about yourself. She concludes that if they don't support you, you should ditch them. We believe that...

Do you treat relationships as transactional – using people for your own gain and self-satisfaction? Are you eager to be in the relationship as long as it’s fun and easy and comfortable for you? In this episode, we hear briefly from Carmen Schober (@carmen_schober_writes) and then Nick Freitas (@nickjfreitas) takes the wheel and shares about living in loyal commitment to his wife. His words of commitment "no matter what" and “her and I against the world” flies in the face of the cheap...

Have you designed your life to avoid being with yourself? That is, do you intentionally take time to just be alone with yourself? No external input, no distractions so you can uncover what it is that makes you feel loved, feel alive, feel purposeful? If so, what’s it like for you? If not, why not? In this episode, we hear from Julien Blanc (@julienhimself) how difficult this practice can be, and yet how significant and valuable it is. It allows you to process what bubbles to the surface and...

Are you ready to go on a treasure hunt in your very own life? In this episode, we learn from Dr. Daniel Amen (@doc_amen) how to intentionally replay your day as you get ready to fall asleep, specifically looking for what went well. Similar to gratitude, this practice actually makes things more concrete so it’s easier to think of the specific things you are grateful for. We go on to discuss how you can super-charge your gratitude by specifically thanking God for the things you are grateful...

Have you ever experienced a betrayal that you allowed to fester into bitterness? Betrayal is the external thing someone else does to you, but bitterness is the internal thing you do to yourself. In today’s episode, we listen to a clip from Pastor Vlad Savchuk (@vladhungrygen) about betrayal vs. bitterness. Cosmo shares a personal story of betrayal and bitterness and how God revealed this distinction to him in a very impactful way that allowed him to forgive his betrayer – even without...

E17 True or False? When you meet the right person, you’ll just know...  There will be a chorus of angels, arrows flashing, and a bright light emanating from them… If only!! FALSE!! We lived the opposite of this one! Not only did we have no interest in each other when we first met, it took us 5 years to “just know!”  This is the fifth episode in our myth-busting series where we break down the difference between the world's attitude and expectations of relationships versus the Soul-Anchored...

E16 True or False? You’ll Only Ever Be Halfway Happy  FALSE!! We’ve heard it a million times – “If you want a good relationship, it’s all about compromise.” We strongly disagree! Through commitment, communication, and genuine understanding, we think you can be full-on happy!  This is the fourth episode in our myth-busting series where we break down the difference between the world's attitude and expectations of relationships versus the Soul-Anchored view. In this episode, we bust the myth...

Do you think you're awkward? Awesome! Let it shine!  I’ve met very few people who don’t consider themselves to be awkward in one way or another. That leads me to believe that our unique awkwardnesses are part of what makes us awesome! This is the third episode in our myth-busting series where we break down the difference between the world's attitude and expectations of relationships versus the Soul-Anchored view. In this episode, we bust the myth that when you are getting to know someone,...

True or False? The Best Relationships Include Mind Reading FALSE!! Even if you really care about someone and know them very well, you will NOT always know what they are thinking, much less what they need.  This is the second episode in our myth-busting series where we break down the difference between the world's attitude and expectations of relationships versus the Soul Anchored view. You'll learn that in the world's economy, it's great and expected for you to be in relationships to get...

True or False? The Best Relationships Never Have Conflict FALSE!! Relationships are always between two unique people with many facets and loads of complexity. Therefore, there will be conflict! There will be points of disagreement and tension - and that's a GOOD thing! This is the first episode in our myth-busting series where we break down the difference between the world's attitude and expectations of relationships versus the Soul Anchored view. You'll learn that in the world's...

Helpful options to offer when someone is in need. How many of us know how difficult it is to articulate what you need, especially when you’re experiencing a lot of emotions about a situation or find yourself in a difficulty?  This week, we’ll listen to an Instagram reel from Ilana (@ilanadegann). She’s demonstrating how to help someone who’s in need.  In our efforts to show compassion, we sometimes unwittingly increase a person’s burden by an open-ended, “What do you need?” But in this...

Do you build habits of love and trust with your others?  We think great relationships don’t just happen. They’re actually the result of practicing vulnerability and honesty in the sunshine so you can weather the storm.  This week, we’ll listen to an Instagram reel as Dan Harris interviews Julie and John Gottman (@gottmaninstitute ) on the @tenpercenthappier podcast. They’re talking about how the first three minutes of an argument can be a predictor of the future of the relationship. They...

Did you know that you are the only person who can cross a boundary you have established?  There is a lot of confusion around what it means to set a boundary. Can you cross my boundary? Nope. Is my boundary for you? Nope. Can you and I have an agreement (with consequences if broken)? Yep. Are boundaries and expectations the same thing? Nope. We're investigating another Instagram Reel again this week from Nick Pollard (@thepeopledispleaser) titled "Setting Boundaries with Other People is...

Your words matter, so choose them wisely.  But remember, you can't always predict how they'll be received...  We're investigating another Instagram Reel again this week!  In today’s episode, we started with listening to an Instagram Reel from Jefferson Fisher (@jefferson_fisher) about the ripple effect of kind words and ran with it! You’ll get to listen in as Suzi and Cosmo hash through a situation we went through just last night and how we both had to choose to respond in the Spirit instead...

If faith without works is dead, then so are commitments without discipline We're investigating an Instagram Reel again this week!  In today’s episode, we’re listening to an Instagram Reel from a guy named William Scott - @williamscxtt. He titled this reel "The Definition of Discipline." As we shared last week, we love to ponder quotes, stories, scenes, and the like to process information and talk about life and the world around us. We do this as a back-door way to uncover and talk about...

Can you be held responsible for your reactions to triggers?  This week we’re taking a departure from our normal format to change it up for you guys and see what you think!  We love to ponder quotes, stories, scenes, and the like to process information and talk about life and the world around us. We do this as a back-door way to uncover and talk about our core values and beliefs through evaluating someone else’s thoughts, behaviors, or stories instead of our own. This allows us to get really...

Do you use Social Media or does it use you?  The average internet user spends about 2.5 hours daily on social media platforms like YouTube and Instagram. One of the reasons for this amount of time is that social media platforms are intentionally designed to be addictive by triggering dopamine releases and other "highs." This might not be such a big deal except that excessive social media use correlates with mental health issues.  So the obvious problem is that social media content is created...

The Power and Pitfalls of Personality Assessments 🤔 “You cannot have healthy relationships without self clarity. I think [personality assessments are] great and helpful tools, but the gospel of Christ is what has transformed my life” - paraphrased quote from Jesse Eubanks We love personality assessments here at Soul Anchoring because we think they can be hugely beneficial for developing and maintaining healthy Christian relationships! BUT we don’t see them as perfect or flawless. In fact...

Forgiveness Is A Superpower 🦸‍♀️ The Problem as we see it is that there are lot of myths out there surrounding the concept of forgiveness. In this episode of "I Feel Loved When..." we'll walk you through 5 big ones: 🙅‍♀️ Myth 1: Forgiveness means condoning or excusing another's actions 🙅‍♂️ Myth 2: You have to forgive AND forget  🙅‍♀️ Myth 3: Forgiveness means trust is automatically and immediately restored  🙅‍♂️ Myth 4: Forgiveness is a sign of weakness 🙅‍♀️ Myth 5: Forgiveness relieves...

Tips and Tools for Christian Relationships If you are seeking wisdom and understanding about conflict and how to properly deal with conflict when it comes your way, then this is the episode for you. This episode is all about conflict!  It then shares a personal story about the different conflict resolution approaches the hosts were raised with, and  now. The problem is that in conflict, we often just seek to get our own way rather than understand each other. We expect to agree, but...

When you speak, do you want to be understood? The issue we discuss in this episode is: effective communication requires both assertive speaking and active listening. Many focus on improving listening skills but being able to clearly articulate your perspective is equally crucial. Passive, aggressive, or ambiguous speaking can derail understanding. Assertive speaking involves first clarifying your own desires and perspectives. Then it means expressing ideas directly yet respectfully, using...

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out." — Robert Collier This episode discusses the importance of taking the time to celebrate small wins and find joy in everyday moments. We often only celebrate when we reach major goals or milestones, but we should appreciate progress along the journey, too. This podcast episode explores how society desaturates celebration with an overindulgence of addictions - like food, entertainment, social media, etc. Instead, we know that...

Part 4 of our Mini Series on Core Concepts is where the rubber meets the road in the “Weekly Meeting.” It’s our favorite way to get on the same page to reduce stress and increase enjoyment. We cover two types of Weekly Meeting: 1. Logistics Weekly Meeting where we cover Food, Finances, and Functions 2. Relational Weekly Meeting where we go deep on “I feel loved when…” conversations to develop and deepen our relationships. The "I Feel Loved When..." Podcast officially launches January 1,...