It's John Carpenters first turn here on MonoRants and we haven't gone for any of the big ones. Instead we're looking at the gore filled horror-western that is 1998's Vampires. Mono loves it, Ciara thinks it's a different film and both can't get over how badly poor Katrina is treated. So lather up and shave your ass for this rant about the serious mistreatment of women depicted (honestly not a joke, its bad), punching head wounds, moaning about motels, planning a better vampire hunt than the professionals, awesome winch deaths, terribly cauterized wounds, dick shots and the lesser spotted Baldwin. Find us on Twitter @rantsmono or send your own rants to [email protected]