Emotional regulation is a necessary skill for secure attachment. In other words, people who are a "hot mess" have difficulty feeling secure about themselves or having good relationships with others.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/head-games/202206/how-become-more-secure-person    Transcript: you're listening to psych with mike for more episodes or to connect with the show with comments ideas or to be a 0:06 guest go to www.cyclicmike.com follow the show on twitter at psych with 0:13 mike or like the facebook page at psych with mike now here's psych with mike 0:20 welcome to the site with mike library this is dr michael mohan i'm here with mr brett newcomb and intern michael 0:25 hello hello how are you gentlemen doing doing well i i asked if we were ready and the response i got did not seem 0:32 overly enthusiastic ho-hum is a response it is a response sometimes no news is good news uh that's 0:40 yeah that's what they say no news is good news so uh 0:46 this is uh a subject that i find compelling i'm not sure the rest of the room finds 0:53 it compelling is that fair to say interesting uh i i don't know how compelling it 0:58 needs to be to to talk about it uh what what are you talking about 1:04 what are we talking about uh my i told you this morning when you got 1:10 here that i did something that i never do which is i actually listened to an 1:15 episode of psych with mike and i listened to the episode that i 1:20 posted today which is friday the 8th of july for anybody keeping track at home 1:29 and in that show we had michelle stieg here who you had brought 1:37 with you a couple of weeks ago and uh we were talking about theoretical orientation and i was saying that you 1:45 know my theoretical orientation comes from the psychodynamic perspective and 1:50 heinz kohut and the development of 1:55 parenting models which leads to attachment and i have talked about piaget's original stage of 2:03 development which is trust versus mistrust and it's just so 2:08 uh that is so much the foundation of how i understand human psychology that when i 2:16 think about doing therapy and i think about people who have had challenges in their sense 2:23 of security and in their attachment styles the question becomes as an adult 2:30 what can you do about that let's assume that this underlying 2:36 theory of psychology that i subscribe to is cogent that it makes sense that it's 2:42 accurate and you have struggles with those early 2:47 years in those early relationships as a lot of us have brett you and i know that we talk about that all the time we don't 2:53 know as much about michael's relationship with his primary caregivers as an infant but we know that you and i 3:00 really struggled with that and so as adults we've had to learn compensatory 3:05 behaviors or whatever compensatory abilities to be able to be 3:13 in attached relationships and to feel more secure and so how do you give that 3:18 to somebody in therapy that's that's really kind of my my focus 3:26 so you are questioning whether or not 3:31 atypical if there is such a thing client coming in for the first time that you don't know 3:37 whatever their presenting uh issue or reason for being there is is in all likelihood suffering from some 3:45 kind of attachment disorder suffered from childhood 3:50 distress or trauma is that is that what your postulate 3:59 i think i would agree with that that that that's an accurate 4:05 encapsulation yeah and capitulization of what's going on in therapy yeah and i 4:10 think a lot of therapy if it's successful involves re-parenting 4:15 that wounded inner child whether that's the individual learns how to reparent 4:21 themselves or