Ways to Manage Failure 1. Recognise and accept your emotions Failure hurts, at least in the first instance, and you need to accept that. Trying to minimize your feelings or distract yourself can be counter-productive in the longer term. Just recognize your feelings for what they are and allow yourself time to hurt a bit. Don’t, however, dwell on it for too long. That, too, is counter-productive, especially if you blame yourself. Take a few days for the pain to lessen, and then start to move on. 2. Don’t make it personal One reason why some people find failure devastating is that their identity is tied up in succeeding. In other words, when they fail, they see themselves as a failure, rather than perceiving that they have experienced a setback. Try not to see failure or success as personal: instead, it is something that you experience. It does not change the real ‘you. This comes back to Kipling’s point: Success and failure are not intrinsic parts of you. No part of your identity should be ‘I am a success’ or ‘I am a failure. 3. Don’t worry what anyone else will think Sometimes our views about success and failure are tied up in what other people will think about us, or about how we think they will judge us. You cannot ever control what other people think. Nor should you ever do something simply because it will please other people. It is easier to accept both success and failure if you define them in your own terms, and do things because you want to achieve, not because you think other people will be pleased. 4. Take the right amount of responsibility We have all met people who are always ready to blame others or events for their lack of success. “The referee was biased!” “The teacher doesn’t like me, that’s why my mark was so low.” “If only I hadn’t been ill last summer, I wouldn’t have missed several weeks of training.” It is important to recognize when other, external factors have affected your success. You don’t need—and should not try—to blame yourself for everything, particularly if it is outside your control. It is, however, also important to recognize what you yourself could have done to improve matters. For example, could you have trained or worked harder? Was your revision really all that it could have been? Did you really prepare for that interview in the best possible way? Take responsibility for the factors over which you have control, and don’t be tempted to hide behind excuses. 5. Use failure as a way to improve Don’t think of failure as failure. Instead, think of it as life’s way of showing you that you need to improve, and how to do so. In particular, ask yourself what you could have done differently to achieve a better result. Then consider how you could put that into practice to help you to improve for next time. www.startupkudos.com IG: @ramialame