It’s the conclusion of the Battle of the Pellenor Fields, and Gondor has a new king! You’ll never guess who. Well, you might. After a full episode away from them, we also re-join Sam and Frodo and see what they’re up to… HINT: They’re not currently having an easy time. This is an action-packed episode that sees the conclusion of one major battle and the start of another, with the fate of Middle Earth in the balance! Don’t Miss it! Like this podcast? Hate it? Either way, give us a review...

Who wants some Battle of the Pellenor Fields? I hope it’s you, because that’s what this whole episode is! There’s death, and drama, and a new way to use horses! Do you like giant snakes? We’ve got that, too! Going into part 9 of a script is completely unprecedented for us, but it somehow keeps being fun! Join us and find out what craziness John Boorman would have brought to the great battle at Minas Tirith! Also: Don’t forget that our patrons can join us on a livestream while we record...

Sam and Frodo finally make it to Mordor, and we get the Battle of Minas Tirith! What an action-packed episode! Hell, there’s even a montage! And an army of the dead (guys, Jeff is so happy about that)! We also learn that the defense of Minas Tirith is contingent upon treadmills! No, really, treadmills are VITAL to the survival of Gondor’s capital city… I guess all those soldiers are wearing Lulu Lemon under their armor, as well. Middle-Earth Spin Class aside, things really heat up in this...

As Frodo and Sam continue with Gollum toward Mordor, we’re reminded that in 1970, Gollum would have just been an actor in makeup. Stop reading this, close your eyes, and just picture an actor dressed as Gollum. In the movie makeup of 1970. Honestly, how great is that?? Meanwhile, things continue pretty much in line with what audiences will be familiar with from the books and movies… Merry and Pippin discover Gandalf the white, then travel to Rohan to free King Theoden from the influence of...

We finally get through the Fellowship of the Ring portion of the story, as the aforementioned Fellowship disbands and goes on their separate quests. Frodo sets off for Mordor on his own, with Sam in tow and Gollum not far behind, while Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas set off to rescue Merry and Pippin from a hoard of orcs… It’s pretty much what you remember from the Peter Jackson movies, but stripped of all that dumb character-building, motivation, and emotional core. BUT WE FINALLY GET GOLLUM!...

Mourning the loss of Gandalf, the Fellowship has a sleepover with the elves, and Galadriel shows Frodo the full depths of the hospitality of the elves. All. Night. Long. Look, I don’t want to spoil s**t, but that’s not a joke. Frodo literally bangs the f**k out of Galadriel. That’s in there. Listen for yourself. Other stuff happens, too, but Frodo and Galadriel going to the bone zone is really the centerpiece. I mean, do you need to know more? In other news: Don’t forget that our patrons...

The trials of the Fellowship continue, as does the abject weirdness of this script! There’s man-on-man sexy blood magic, cryogenic stasis, and everyone’s favorite part of the books, where the only way into Moria is for Gandalf and Gimli to engage in some weird (and oddly racist) BDSM! Side note: Have you ever had a lost language BEATEN into you? With a stick? What am I saying? Of course you have! It’s a typical rite of passage, right? Right, guys? Right?? Moving on, we get to see John...

John Boorman takes us through the history of Middle Earth, the Rise and Fall of Sauron, and the One Ring falling onto the hands of Bilbo Baggins, including the rich tradition of Vaudeville in Rivendell. Oh, you didn’t know that Rivendell is known for juggling, interpretive dance, Kabuki theatre and pantomime? Jeez, have you even read the books? This episode goes a little long, but that’s okay with us, because we got through almost TWO WHOLE SCENES! Yeah, almost. This s**t is pretty insane,...

The Hobbits set off for Rivendell, for reasons that are never, ever made clear, and are pursued relentlessly by water-soluble bad guys! They meet an ally along the way, who literally pops up out of nowhere and who they follow for literally no reason at all! The characters manage to have no personalities while simultaneously being somehow unlikable, but at least someone gets stabbed! Who? You’ll just have to listen to find out! But our Patreon supporters already know, because they got to tune...

The start of any movie is where characters, themes and conflicts are established. There is a call to action, the establishment of the central conceit of the movie. It appears John Boorman skipped that part of screenwriting school. What we get here in part one is a confusing party, inconsistent characters, and a completely unmotivated quest, that the characters literally believe to be a vacation. The beginning of this script is like a seven-year-old child recounting what they remember of the...

This episode is ACTION-PACKED… by which we mean that there are pages and pages of no dialogue… but the sheer level of bonkers in that action makes up for it! No exaggeration here: the insanity of this last part of Indy 3 is far in excess of all the insanity that has come before! There is so much insanity that we couldn’t contain it to a normal-length episode! That’s right, as a special treat to you, our beloved listeners, this is a special episode that is almost TWO HOURS LONG! There was...

I know we’ve given you Nazi speedboats, machine gun arms, haunted castles and even a giant tank, but part 7 is where things really start to get silly! We’re talking distracted giant tank driving, African Mountain Sharks, golden cities and gorilla-people! Play a drinking game with this episode: When you get to a point where you assume Stephen Spielberg threw down the script in disgust, take a shot!* *Table Reads claims no responsibility for liver failure as a result of this drinking game....

This whole episode is basically just the fight against the giant tank. BUT OH, WHAT A FIGHT! It has a Rhino! And a Ravine! And a bi-Plane! And a friendship tree! The giant tank sequence is basically the Death Star Trench run, but if the Ewoks were fighting on the sides, and TIE fighters worked by crashing into people, and there was a random Tauntaun. The point is: this is the most ambitious and also bonkers sequence ever dreamed up for Indiana Jones, and that’s including the infamous...

As we re-join Indy, he is in the midst of a huge pirate battle in the Zambesi river. But that’s far from the most exciting thing to happen to Indy in this episode! Because we go from Pirates to the jungle, where the Nazis have unleashed a new weapon seemingly just to use against Indy! And I really want to elaborate but I also really, really don’t want to spoil the surprise! So give this a listen. It is absolutely unbelievable. You’ll kick yourself if you miss this one. And, as always, your...

Hey there. Are you looking for some exposition? WE’VE GOT IT! Are you looking for a bunch of Betsy hijinks? WE’VE GOT THAT TOO! How about some Pirates? Oh, we’ve f*****g GOT THAT. Join us for Part 4 of Chris Columbus’ most notorious script, as Indy continues his journey to find… some very nice fresh fruit? And, as always, your input is welcomed! Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at...

Part three opens with Indy having just arrived in Africa, where he quickly meets an immortal pygmy, upsets some Nazis, and has to get in a speedboat chase in order to rescue that pygmy from those Nazis, lest he give Hitler the secret to his immortality... And if all of that sounds reasonable to you, then we’re flattered that you’ve discovered our podcast, Mr. Columbus! Whether you’re Chris Columbus or just someone suffering through his writing with us, let us know what you think by dropping...

As we continue reading Chris Columbus’ Indy script, we wrap up the Scooby Doo portion (which appears to have no bearing on anything to come), we get some bizarre Professor Jones hijinks before our quest is finally established, and yes, there is a fair amount of attempted suicide, as all Indiana Jones movies must have…? If you watched Temple of Doom one time, on an airplane, drunk, with a crying baby next to you and headphones that kept cutting out and that was all you ever knew about Indiana...

Before we tell you about the episode, you should know: We have launched a Patreon page at http://www.patreon.com/TableReads -- sign up for ad-free episodes, early access, live-streamed recording sessions and more! Shawn, Josh and Jeff are reading a pre-Last Crusade Indy 3 script, and right out of the gate, Chris Columbus gives us the most-unlike-Indy Indiana Jones script you can possibly imagine. In fact, if you were to tell me that he had written a Scooby-Doo movie and just changed all the...