In this episode we are joined by Phyllis Fagel. Phyllis is a school counselor, she’s has a private practice serving teens and adults, she a journalist making frequent contributions to the Washington Post, she writes a weekly column for PDK International, has also contributed to the New York Times, The Atlantic, The New Yorker, The Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune, and many more. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and her newest book that has just been released “Middle School Super Powers”. Topics Covered: 1. It’s important that we understand strategies to self regulate so that we can teach them to our students.  2. Only one percent of friendships stay intact from 7th grade to 12th grade.  3. Look to understand the temperament of the students that you are working with. 4. Let students know that they will experience tough times and that is normal. 5. Share social stories with students that have gone through similar experiences.  6. Anticipatory Decision Making - talk about different options with the students. 7. Talk with students about the fact that you don’t always know if getting what you want is a good thing or a bad thing. 8. Use visualization to help students try new things. 9. Imaginable exposure - walk through a situation. What do you see? What do you hear? 10. Walk students through the worst case scenario. Talk about what they could do if this happened.  11. Help students feel the feelings ahead of a situation as this will help students prepare for those emotions. 12. The way you extinguish anxiety is through exposure.  13. Scaffold risk taking for students.  14. Students feel empowered if they know there is something that they can do in stressful situations.  15. Students who are aggressors often haven’t acquired proper social skills.  16. How we phrase things to our students matters. 17. Rough Draft Thinking 18. Remember that students often want to do the right thing.  19. Help students focus on what they can control and the actions that they can do going forward.  20. Validate a child’s feelings. 21. Help students think expansively. 22. Self Talk  23. Reference yourself in the third person. This will help with self talk. 24. Podcast recommendation - Ed’s Not Dead 25. Book - Action Mind’s Workbook 26. Make sure you incorporate self care strategies into your own life. Books: Middle School Superpowers https://www.amazon.com/Middle-School-Superpowers-Resilient-Turbulent-ebook/dp/B0BP2JMBY2/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1Q1A99UDD0MQ9&keywords=Phyllis+Fagell&qid=1691161671&sprefix=phyllis+fagell%2Caps%2C185&sr=8-1 Middle School Matters https://www.amazon.com/Middle-School-Matters-Beyond-Parents-ebook/dp/B07L2W2HFQ/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1Q1A99UDD0MQ9&keywords=Phyllis+Fagell&qid=1691161671&sprefix=phyllis+fagell%2Caps%2C185&sr=8-2 Connect: Twitter: @Pfagell Website: https://phyllisfagell.com