85: Nobody likes making mistakes, but some of us find it much harder than others. Whilst most of us look on with admiration at the kid who's prepared to keep working until they do things perfectly, underlying that drive can be a painful belief that they're never going to be good enough. The knock-on effect can be a lifetime of anguish and all sorts of issues with starting and finishing projects. So when our listener asked us to talk about how to help her daughter who's showing signs of being a perfectionist, we bumped it up our schedule. In essence, we parents need to strive to avoid black and white thinking and find the middle path; a growth mindset that welcomes mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and the resilience to use those mistakes to try again. BOOKS: Perfectionism: What's Bad about Being Too Good? by Miriam Adderholdt-Elliott, Miriam Elliott, & Jan Goldberg (Monarch Books) When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism by Martin M. Antony & Richard P. Swinson (New Harbinger Publications) When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism by Thomas S., Ph.D. Greenspon (Free Spirit Publishing) A lot of the research for this episode was drawn from an article by Amy Morin, the speaker who made 'The secret to becoming mentally strong. '  SOURCES: https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/06/25/9-signs-youre-a-perfectionist-and-thats-not-a-good-thing/ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/young-adult/Pages/What-Fuels-Perfectionism.asp https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-is-a-perfectionist-4147432 ANXIETY PDF: //www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/OvercomingPerfectionism.pdf Support the Show. Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk