For 5 yr. old Aiko, “everything goes in really big and comes out really big”, says his mom, Janneke. Part of that ‘really big’ comes out at his 10 yr. old brother when Aiko’s jealousy rears up. Calling Noa a dummy over and over has become a habit for Aiko, and sensitive Noa takes it as fact. Breaking the habit requires a new frame for Aiko—instead being told again and again that it’s not ok. Listen through to hear Bonnie’s Gremlin exercise which can help that reframing process—that, and no...

We're ending 2022 with an episode from the archives. We figured it's always a good time to get a lesson on relationship. Tracy’s children are not too young to begin this important process. Most parents naturally get hung up on what is important to teach and get stuck in the minutia of daily life and chaos with young kids. We forget that the main thing we want our children to learn is to be respectful and considerate. Tracy gets a reminder of this important aspect of parenting and how her...

After my interview on Safe Home Podcast with Beth Syverson, I decided it would make a perfect puzzle piece, because it turned out to be a great overview of connected parenting. I discuss the principles of connective parenting and how they were developed thru learning about myself. The primary focus is on the relationship between parent and child and the responsibilities of the parent. There is also a great description of the Integrity and Harmony children, terms we use a lot on this podcast...

From backtalk to “drive-by hitting”, to stepping on his baby brother, four year old Pacey is trying to tell his parents, Lauren and Matt, about his very complicated feelings. Having been brought up by authoritarian parents who used physical punishment, Lauren and Matt are working hard to shift their mindset to a connective approach but still see Pacey as intentionally trying to get their negative attention. Listen in and learn how to interpret the information provided by a child’s behavior...

Amy and Rick have two children, 7 and 4 ½. While Rick is quite laid back, Amy is the one dealing with an often debilitating amount of stress and overwhelm when the kids are demanding. She either withdraws or gives in to avoid having to deal with the situation at hand. Her go-to is, “I don’t have time for this,” which really means she can’t deal with the pain that their behavior triggers from her childhood experiences. Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook When Your Kids Push Your...

James and Shan have four kids from 15 to 7. Their 15 yo has gotten quite far off track and their 13 yo Harmony son is experiencing the fallout. He tries to take the reins when his parents don’t stop the madness and chaos with his sister that causes him distress. They try to tell him it’s not his responsibility, but he has to do something to help himself. Listen in to hear some ways they can honor his frustration and help him deal in the moment. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective...

Betrayal, isolation, anger, and dismissal plague Carly, mother of three children, after discovering the family secret everyone else was in on but her. At 39, Carly accidentally learned that her father was not her biological father. Her mother’s attempts to get Carly to get over it and move on, along with her refusal to get the help she needs, leave Carly hanging off the cliff feeling uncared for and alone. Trust has been decimated. Their relationship, once thought to be close, is in peril....

We all want our children to be able to reach their potential. Along with a connected relationship, many, many children have neuro-diverse needs that affect their daily learning. When your child is identified with a learning difference, the question of evaluating may be raised. What then? As scary as it can be to get a diagnosis for your child, what’s best for the long-haul development is awareness of strengths and weaknesses so success is assured. Educational consultant, Shannon McNamara,...

April has had a long and close relationship with her now 16-year-old. Yet, for the past year, since he has been in a significant relationship, he doesn’t want to hear one word from his mother about it. He tells her to stop “inserting herself where she shouldn’t”, that he doesn’t need parenting, among other edgy remarks that have left her hurting. Listen in while Bonnie and April pull apart what is possible to understand where he might be coming from and determine the best route to follow...

Meltdowns in kids any age are tough. We think they’re bad and must end and that children need to learn to control themselves, certainly after five or six, and not be subject to meltdowns. A meltdown is your signal of your child’s pent-up unexpressed emotions that need to come out. Ever had a “good cry”? You feel better afterwards, right? Listen in to hear why meltdowns should be allowed at any age, how to approach them and see them as a good thing. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of...

Kristen, mom to boys 8 and 11, gets triggered by what she considers stupid and unnecessary squabbles. Her anger erupts when the boys’ bickering disrupts the harmony she expects in her family. But it’s not about the bickering, it’s about Kristen’s fears about the bickering. Kristen takes full responsibility for the family dynamics and believes it is her responsibility to get to harmony. The family disruption she imagines is her problem, not the boys’. Roots into her past shed light on her...

Rachel is in turmoil over the negative energy from her 6 year old. When he’s not screaming at his sister, Ben admits he feels like nobody loves him. It all started when his sister was born four years ago. He immediately showed signs of aggression toward her. He still dumps his deep resentment on her with harsh name-calling. “Did I birth a sociopath?” Rachel feared when her reasoning with him didn’t work. Listen in for lots of Bonnie’s suggestions with tools to help Rachel help her son feel...

Bonnie and Adam have an in-depth discussion about the ins and outs (pun intended) of “the sex talk”—the optimal time to have it with your kids, and why honesty is always the best policy. The talk can be really tough for parents who feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. Too often parents wait until embarrassment is high on both sides, so it never happens. Enter the internet. Embarrassment gets in the way of providing good, healthy, honest information about perfectly normal things that happen to...

Frannie and her husband have four children 7 and under. Frannie is getting a handle on not pushing her food values onto her kids but sometimes she feels like she’s “dying on the inside” while biting her tongue. She fears the influence from outside the bubble of her kitchen, where she can control, which leads her to feeling out of control of her children in many areas. Bonnie discusses the important difference between influencing our children as opposed to controlling them. Bonnie Harris,...

Kelly and Kory have been hard at work to recognize, acknowledge, and stop the trauma they experienced as children. The messages they learned about themselves dug in and led to the kneejerk, in the heat of the moment, reactions they hate with their three children. They are learning that connection is the path forward.  The terms Integrity and Harmony are used often in this podcast by regular listeners. To learn more about what these terms mean, listen to some of these other episodes: Episode...

Kat has had it with her two rambunctious boys interrupting, taking charge, and monopolizing conversations. As well as many tips for interrupting kids, Bonnie shows Kat why she needs to hold onto her energy and stop expecting her boys to “give her the room”. Instead of thinking they are taking her energy, Kat can take responsibility for herself and be better able to set limits. Her childhood plays a big part in how much she deserves her energy.  Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective...

When you find yourself nagging, what do you look for, and what are next steps? After unforeseen circumstances that literally took Rachel away from her then 8-year-old daughter, not to mention the effects of Covid over the last two years, Rachel needs to take those steps to reconnect with her “feisty” strong-willed 10 y.o. We discover that an allowance will help as well as setting appropriate boundaries, so Rachel no longer depends on her daughter responding the way she expects her...

Bonnie and Adam riff a bit introducing the coming season which will start with the Sept. 8th episode. They share how completely different their respective summers were—one with a baby and one with an angry camper. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.  https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting Website: bonnieharris.com  Email: [email protected] Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch  www.echofinch.com

All parents are stressed and most kids are too. How do you help your kids navigate their stress. And how do you navigate yours? It helps to be aware of the mindset in which you perceive stress. Then change your mindset and change your experience.  Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.  https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting Website: bonnieharris.com  Email: [email protected] Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo...

Wish you had that blow-up to do over again? Well, actually you do. All you need to repair a regrettable situation is your willingness to admit making a mistake (even if your child made a worse one) and taking some time to think about what you would have done instead had you had your thinking brain online. Bonnie goes over the Do-Over with dialogue to help you understand how easy the process is. Your child will appreciate it and likely make amends as well. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of...

When your button has been pushed, nothing can rescue you in the heat of the moment. You feel out of control and say and do things you wish you hadn’t. In this Tip episode Bonnie explains what it is that happens to you in that moment and how to put 6 easy steps into practice to change your reactions—and be the parent you always hope to be. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for...

Your child always wants to do the right thing and please you. So, how come he does the opposite and makes you see red? When he screams obscenities, throws a block at you or his sister, or hits in anger, that means there is an obstacle in his way of doing it right. Your job is to figure out what the obstacle is. When you can see this, it will change your perspective of your child and his behavior. In this Tip, Bonnie walks you through the first and most important principle of Connective...

Do you struggle when your parenting partner—or family members—respond/react to your children in ways that drive you nuts? Do you wish you could change how your partner talks or yells at your kids (even when you do the same) and worry your children are being traumatized? When it comes down to it, most of us want the other parent to do what we do. Listen in to Bonnie and Adam as they discuss this almost universal issue. Discover that being on the same page is not necessarily the best thing for...

Jen feels at war with especially one of her two screen-loving sons. Does she let go of all restrictions and live in “peace” like her friends or does she keep to her limits fearing another battle? Screentime management is hard for the calmest parents. Listen to Bonnie’s adjustments that will likely help Jen find a middle ground between being a “screen dictator” and throwing up her hands in defeat. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and...

Laura gets her buttons pushed by her three children when they behave in ways she would never have dared. When her children resist or even complain, she feels disrespected and unappreciated. Then anger and threats rise to the surface and her childhood beliefs take over her parenting. Laura has already learned a lot and changed a good deal of her parenting, but she keeps getting stuck when she believes the voices in her head that developed long ago. Listen in and learn what she can do to quell...