Ever wondered why middle school can feel like a turbulent ride not just for kids, but for parents too? In this episode, we dive deep into the world of middle schoolers with our special guest, Phyllis Fagell. Phyllis, a seasoned middle school counselor, shares her unique insights into the complexities of adolescence, identity formation, and the pivotal role that parents and educators play. Whether you're a parent, educator, or simply curious about the intricacies of this developmental stage, this episode offers a fresh perspective. Phyllis debunks some common misconceptions about the middle school experience and provides valuable strategies to navigate this often misunderstood phase. Timeline Summary [0:00] How to talk with kids to build motivation, stress tolerance, and a happy home. [6:38] Middle school is a phase of enormous growth and development, not suffering. [10:51] What should we look for when we see bullying. [15:00] Being different makes you a target in middle school, it’s associated with bullying. [20:52] How to talk to your kids so they don’t feel like they’re disappointed in you. [22:47] Where do we get the crazy idea that in order to help kids do better, we have to make them feel worse? [26:21] What is it about the brains of kids at this age? [33:52] When children identify with a core value, it improves academic performance in a way that persists. [37:43] The importance of having male influences in a boy’s life. [43:03] Why is it so hard for parents and schools to help kids with racial and ethnic differences? [48:46] What’s the difference between a real apology vs. a “sorry”? [57:03] Why is it so hard for parents to love their kids for who they are? Links & Resources - Phyllis's website: phyllisfagell.com - Phyllis's book, Middle School Matters: phyllisfagell.com/middle-school-matters/ I hope you enjoy this episode of "The Self-Driven Child". If you found our conversation with Phyllis Fagell insightful, please take a moment to rate and follow our podcast, share this episode with others, and leave a review. Your feedback helps us bring more meaningful content to you. Thanks for tuning in! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com