Throughout the day, we get frustrated, irritated, angry. We are frustrated in traffic, when a loved one doesn’t behave the way we like, when someone tells us we’re wrong, when technology doesn’t work the way we want, when dinner is ruined, among many other daily stresses. These frustrations can build up into unhappiness, relationship problems, work problems, built up stress, blowing your top at someone when you lose your cool. Not always helpful stuff! I’m going to suggest a mindful shift in focus to deal with frustrations. It’s a mindfulness practice, and I highly recommend it. We’ll start by talking about where frustration comes from, then how to mindfully shift. Mindfulness of Frustration The next time you experience frustration, just notice it. Just be mindful that you’re unhappy with something or someone, that you’re feeling frustration in your body somehow. Pay attention to your breathing, to tightness in your chest or shoulders, to how it feels in your body. Stay with the feeling for just a couple moments, if you have the courage to do so. Normally, we run like hell from paying attention to this feeling, and try to resolve it by fixing the situation, making people behave differently, distracting ourselves, etc. But stay with it if you can. Now notice what it is in this moment that you wish were different. What is missing from this moment that is frustrating you? Frustration stems from what you don’t have. What do I mean by this? There’s something you don’t have right now, that you wish you had, and that lack of what you want is frustrating you. A few examples: * My child isn’t behaving the way I want her to … what I don’t have is “ideal” behavior from her. (Actually, it’s my ideal, not hers.) * My computer keeps crashing, and I’m frustrated … what I don’t have is a computer that behaves ideally. * People are saying things online that irritate me … what I don’t have is a bunch of people who agree with me or behave in the way I want. * Traffic backed up and stressing me out … what I don’t have is a stress-free, peaceful drive home. * My spouse criticized me … what I don’t have is someone who thinks I’m an awesome husband right now, or their praise. Those are just examples, but in all cases, there’s something that’s missing that I want. Usually it’s an ideal. To start with, just be mindful that you’re frustrated, try to experience the feeling in your body, and then notice what it is you’re missing that’s frustrating you. Mindfulness of Your Story When we’re missing something we want, and we’re frustrated, irritated, angry … we often spin the story around in our heads for awhile. “It’s so irritating when he acts this way,” or “Why can’t she just be more …” We get caught up in this story, stuck on it, attached to it. We wish things were different, wish other people would behave differently, wish people could see that we’re right. It’s easy to get caught up. It’s not so easy to notice that we’re caught up, when it happens. But if you can notice it, just notice that you’re telling yourself a story about this situation. It’s a story about how you wish things were different, how things aren’t how you want them to be. Sit and watch yourself get caught up in this story. Sit and stay with the feelings it produces. Then see if you can notice that the story isn’t so solid. It’s not so real. It’s more of a dream that you’re in. Can things lighten up if you notice the dreamlike nature of this story? Mindfulness of What Is Already Here If we’re focusing on what we don’t have, and it’s frustrating us … then the opposite just might help us. The antidote to frustration is appreciating what’s already here, in this moment. That might not seem true when frustration arises, because the truth is, w