We usually don’t realize how much something is f*****g us up until about ten years after the trauma. I think that’s because we’re not taught how to deal with emotions. So no one does. Instead, we run away from them. We distract ourselves. We find things to do that feel good and it Usually involves things that doesn’t do a body good. And that’s how our Monsters get worse. It’s what happens when you shut your emotions off. When you ignore them. It’s literally the same as closing the door in someone’s face, only it’s your own face. it’s your own heart. It’s your inner child and they aren’t happy about certain things that happened in your past and they don’t know how to process the pain. But what they really want is to feel loved. The wanna cry and let the rage out. They wanna know they aren’t alone. And they get even more upset the longer you go keeping the door close. And no matter what you do to block them out they don’t go away. They stay. They bang on your brains. They will make you do crazy things. They’ll make you self hate in a variety of ways and the self-hate will cause you to do mean things... Especially to the people closest to you because they’re close to you. And you know you do it... You know you have these personality traits that don’t make you look great. You know you do stuff you’re not proud of and the resistance within causes the pain to build up more and more momentum. You then the frustration causes you to get even more aggressive in your approach to shutting your feelings out. You put up walls and you bury yourself in stuff. You turn the music up so you can’t hear how much they hurt. How much they need you to care about yourself. But they can hear you. And they see you. Because the walls are see-through... And the reality is we can only live like this for so long. Eventually, one of you is gonna lose control, and freak out... And that’s when someone will kill themselves or you’ll finally stop ignoring the pain and face yourself. Either way, the only way to win the war within is to heal the heart. To take down the walls and go through all the stuff you’ve put up that’s blocking you off. And to open the door and let your feelings come out. But be sure that when you do that you have surround yourself with light and love so that you feel supported as you fall apart. The more you do this process, the more you’ll let go of all the stuff that makes you feel miserable, and eventually, you won’t feel the way you always did because your monster won’t be in the background making you feel like shit. Instead, you’ll feel at peace. You’ll feel loved. You’ll be free. This is how you get control of yourself and your life and create an extraordinary life. This is what we all want. But most of us aren’t willing to do the work to stop being who we’ve become long enough to change the momentum. And that’s why we’re all in for quite a ride... But the good news is, it’s never too late to start creating a new life... You just have to be willing to...die.