James Jefferson was in the early stages of his police career when he and his partner found themselves cornered by an armed suspect. With no other option, they opened fire in self-defence, wounding and ultimately killing the suspect. In the following months and years, the trauma from that night took James on a self-destructive journey that would find him alone one day in his car with his service weapon to his head. In this episode, you will: Hear about how James went looking for a hero's death Learn how a fear of being perceived as weak caused James to put on a front of indifference as he internally processed life-changing trauma Understand the impact of front line trauma on personal relationships Share James' journey to his lowest point and the changes in his mindset and support from his wife that now sees him as the wellbeing lead for his force and living a fulfilled family life