Do you and your partner go through patches where communication becomes incredibly difficult? Do you seem to misinterpret the other ones’ behavior, turning it into an argument? How do you navigate these sensitive situations when your ego and pride seem to stand in the way? In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldrige speak about the fact that it’s not about the damn sheets. In This Podcast Summary * It is the small things * Presence versus proximity * Gottman sayings * We all do bids for attention It is the small things It is a metaphor for life and couples struggles and it’s not the big things that get us, it’s the little things that destroy relationships. I believe over time that it is the ask, and the rejection. If we do that enough times it whittles away. Arguments that become bigger and aggressive over small things usually point out that there are bigger, more important issues underneath that need to be vented or dealt with. The small things are symptomatic of big things, and they both need careful attention. Presence versus proximity It seems to happen that someone in each couple will have one of these properties; one will value proximity as quality time and the other will value presence as quality time. These can become issues when this is not fully communicated and each person in the couple feels that they are not being valued, or listened to sincerely. For Billy, proximity is important. It matters that he and Brandy are in the same house together. For Brandy, it is presence. That she and Billy are spending intentional and conscious time together. When these needs are not met for either member in the couple, tension can build because each person’s personal needs are not being met. Gottman sayings When couples get into arguments, it can turn nasty quickly when each person gets wrapped up in their ego or need to be right. It is important to take a step back to remember that it is you and your partner against the problem, not you and your partner against one another. These are some helpful expressions to keep in mind that you can say to your partner in the heat of an argument to ground one another: * I am on your side. * I hear you, I see you. * I understand you, I understand what you are saying. We all do bids for attention In research, it’s observed that happy couples turn towards their partner approximately 20 times more than couples in distress during everyday non-conflict discussions. Throughout the day, you or your partner can request that the other meet a need of theirs. In healthy relationships with solid boundaries and respect, if your partner asks you to help them, then you should be able to. However if meeting their basic needs becomes a challenge and erupts into arguments, then some internal work may need to be done. Books mentioned in this episode Are you ready to find the freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free beta revolution course is for you.