There's a lot of situations one wouldn't want to be in when an earthquake randomly hits... but being in the middle of getting a vasectomy seems pretty high up that list. Let's talk about that, listening to people orgasm for science, low qualifications for being put in charge of potentially saving people's lives, lying about being pregnant in order to save a relationship, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on...

What did the guy who got his dong chopped off by his wife get for his birthday?! He was given an appointment to get all his toes chopped off too! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Let's talk about that, blowing your load in a birdhouse per your partner's request, passing out while washing your pants in the sink, Joe going on a HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons...

Bryan pooped in his bed. I know you are all extremely shocked to hear this news. Let's talk about that, almost breaking into the wrong house, grinding up and smoking human bones in order to get high, bringing a hat pom pom to the vet because you thought it was a dying animal, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you...

Imagine two rival gangs facing off in an alley. The hatred they have for each other has been stewing for a little over 35 years and FINALLY... it's time to settle the score. Now, imagine that all the gang members are riding unicycles. Let's talk about that, whether or not flipping a coin is truly 50/50 odds, getting terrorized by random cows for over two years, what the heck is wrong with Bryan's left eye, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle...

Imagine bringing a newborn baby to a rave... and then getting upset when everyone else around you wasn't super supportive about you bringing a f*&$ING newborn baby to a rave. Let's talk about that, weird ass things you never knew about the human body, actually owing money after trying to get money for amputating your own legs, getting addicted to solving Rubik's Cubes, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content...

Pro Tip: If the success of your murder plot pivots on having a large python eat one of your intended targets, you should probably rethink your entire murder plot. Let's talk about that, decking a mascot while on acid at a basketball game, happily filming content for your mom's OnlyFan's account, ordering a hot air balloon ride using Uber, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons...

Imagine being trapped in a warehouse with a bunch of murderous Stephen Hawkings going 15 mph. The sound of their evil laugh alone is enough to strike fear into the hearts of any man. Let's talk about that, police trying to interrogate a pigeon accused of spying, getting stabbed with a bundle of pens by stranger on an airplane, sledding dead bodies down the stairs, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end...

Have you ever been just driving down the road and decided to throw an entire bag of fast food trash out the window? WHO DOES THAT?! Let's talk about that, incriminating yourself with oddly specific google searches, where the hell St. Patrick's Day came from, bowling with your literal balls out, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the...

If you were sitting on a nearly million dollar insurance payout, would you venture out to your town's annual Christmas tree throwing contest in order to defend your title and risk getting publicly seen throwing a Goddamn Christmas tree? Let's talk about that, sucking spaghetti through a straw, one of the wildest renditions of a hotdog ever concocted, getting elbowed in the ribs by a kid on an airplane, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and...

Have you ever been so drunk that your friends ditch you at home so you decide to sit in the shower and end up flooding the entire house where 18 people are also staying? Let's talk about that, eating all your clothes, banging your husband's twin brother on the side for years, how many escalators are in the entire state of Wyoming, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?!...

Have you ever been forced to pay for a service you never intended to get in the first place? Was that service giant balloon hats for you and your entire family? Let's talk about that, getting compacted in a garbage truck four times, being saved from your sinking car by a floating sauna, shoving your entire arm up a cow's ass and using it as a puppet to talk about communism, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content...

What type of jobs could you realistically have if all your fingers were superglued together on each hand? Parade waver? Ice cream scooper? Dog poop picker-upper? Let's talk about that, parrots laughing at each other's potty mouth, trying to take a refrigerator that's holding your liver onto an airplane, duct tapping random fish to ATMs all over the world, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each...

Why isn't there a store on the planet where it's socially acceptable to just yell out the item you can't locate? Why must we wondering around until we see an employee in a nicely colored vest? Let's talk about that, chain smoking cigarettes while running a marathon, a disagreement in the family about posting family photos on social media, maybe the greatest/worst song ever written which includes maybe the greatest/worst drum fill ever written, and more on today's episode of Can You...

Did you know that we used to have mouse traps that were loaded with gunpowder and would literally blast mice in the face? Let's talk about that, sneaking crazy ass things into people's food just for funzzies, opening a shocker of a gift while on a Tinder date, Joe catching some dude beating off in the casino bathroom, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon...

If you were going on a swimming with sharks expedition and the guy giving you the safety briefing was missing a fair amount of limbs... would that change anything for you? Let's talk about that, Bryan flopping his dong around in his living room window, helping so many people track down their stolen bikes, getting stripped of your medals for pooping in a bathtub, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end...

Can you imagine ordering an Uber and some dude named Jebadiah rolls up in a covered wagon, ready to take you and your friends downtown? Let's talk about that, setting up a living room scene around a massive pothole, extracting semen from your dead husband in order to have another baby, using an old overhead projector to communicate during sexy time, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each...

Have you ever come across a bathroom attendant while out and about at a fancy bar or restaurant? Have you ever thought about how funny it would be if there was an attendant in a bathroom that didn't have any stalls? Let's talk about that, stealing pictures of food and claiming you made them on social media, the chances that we're all living in a simulation right now, shooting yourself in the butt because you took a gun into an MRI machine, and more on today's episode of Can You...

Does it drive you insane when someone doesn't finish common household tasks completely? Let's talk about that, not knowing that you had a pair of freakin' chopsticks jammed up in your brain, why do a lot of us hide the toilet paper in the bathroom, having to be breast fed by your mom for the rest of your life, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is...

Remember that time you searched for 'dick sex' on PornHub? OF COURSE YOU DON'T! Let's talk about that, using an AI chatbot to catfish an old man out of a lot of money, screwing your ex in the bathroom at a party you invited your current boyfriend to, smashing yourself while moving your husband's motorcycle trying to be nice, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our...

Have you ever been to a Christmas party that ended with everyone watching your boss plow his wife in front of everybody and vomit in your favorite guacamole bowl? Let's talk about that, hiding from the cops in a barn with a bunch of cows, wanting a lesser sentence for items you stole because they were on sale, how much money is really spent on Christmas related items each year, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra...

Here's the situation. Your car has just been stolen and it sucks. Added bummer... your child was inside that car. Triple dummer, Volkswagen won't track the car because you haven't signed up for their tracking service. Let's talk about that, pounding Hulk Hogan's spray tanned vajay, your husband refusing to park his big-ass truck outside the garage, not getting mad in traffic because of some concerning bumperstickers, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of...

Can you imagine standing in line at the airport, just trying to buy your morning coffee... when suddenly you get taken out from behind by an out of control motorized suitcase? Let's talk about that, coworkers that are WAY to sensitive, thinking your vageener made your husband gag when it was actually just the drugs you guys consumed, slamming your entire hand in a door on a weekly basis, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the...

Can a person have an emotional support horse? And if so, can you imagine having to sit next to it on an airplane? Let's talk about that, how out of your Goddamn mind you have to be to actually need the am/pm setting on your oven, having to poop during an active shooter situation, being really bad at killing people, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page...

Be honest. If Arnold Schwarzenegger and a baby were both drowning in a pool and you could only save one of them... you'd at least consider saving Arnold. Let's talk about that, doing a good deed but then thanking yourself in the local newspaper afterwards, the world's worst detective, pouring sugar on your butthole, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon...