Do you find yourself imagining all the ways things would be better “if he would just…”? If so, you’re not alone! In this episode Amie and Alana dive into this disempowering mindset and provide wisdom on shifting your thinking by focusing on what you can control. Gain clarity as they share candid examples and advice on how to take your next empowered steps regardless of the things your partner is or is not doing. Listen to learn: How to recognize when you’re stuck under the “if”...

We all wear masks at times, but hiding your true self is exhausting and inauthentic. In this week’s episode we welcome back Luke Gordon. Luke opens up about his personal battles with hiding behind false versions of himself. He describes how he was finally able to deepen relationships when he stepped into vulnerability, integrity, and authenticity.  Listen to learn: What true authenticity is and isn’t How authenticity is “earned and learned” The reward in choosing short-term pain for...

Is your partner using ADHD or another diagnosis to excuse deception and bad behavior? In this episode, Alana and Amie welcome Luke Gordon (cofounder of Choose Recovery Services and certified betrayal trauma coach) back to their podcast. Luke gives his perspective on how ADHD can explain certain behaviors but should never be weaponized or used as an excuse for acting out. This episode will get you thinking about the interplay of mental health, healing, accountability, and recovery. Listen to...

Your body is keeping secrets - traumatic memories and intense emotions locked away at a cellular level. In this episode, Amie and Alana dive into the science of how the body “keeps the score,” storing experiences that your conscious mind has disconnected from. Learn how to unlock your body’s innate wisdom to truly heal. Listen to learn: How emotions and memories are stored in the body, not just the brain The science behind why the body “keeps the score” on traumatic events Practical...

Imagine being able to rewire your brain to heal from the devastation of betrayal trauma and PTSD. Many who have tried ketamine say they have done just that. On this episode, Alana explains what ketamine is and how it can help receptors in your brain work together to promote healing from the pain of trauma. Listen in as Alana shares her experience with ketamine and the insight and healing she gained from this treatment. Listen to learn: What ketamine is and how it’s used to treat PTSD ...

Are you constantly judging your emotions as good or bad? Do you feel guilty for experiencing “negative” feelings? In this episode, Amie dives deep into the tendency we often have of moralizing our emotions. Learn why it’s important to notice and name your feelings, to become aware of when you might be suppressing emotions, and how to embrace all of your emotions with self-compassion. Listen to learn: Why moralizing emotions is unhealthy Practical tips to increase awareness of when...

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by the damage caused by your addiction that giving up seemed like the only option? In this episode, Luke Gordon, cofounder and coach at Choose Recovery Services, as well as a father in recovery, opens up about grappling with feelings of hopelessness when facing attachment wounds inflicted on his children because of his addictive behaviors. Amie, Alana, and Luke discuss the crucial work of healing your own attachment trauma while simultaneously repairing the...

This week we are excited to welcome Luke Gordon to the podcast! Luke is an emotional health coach and cofounder of Choose Recovery Services who specializes in helping men overcome unwanted sexual compulsive behaviors. Luke shares how disruptions in our earliest childhood attachments form the foundation for later challenges like addiction, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and struggles with emotional intimacy. With raw vulnerability, Luke shares his own journey and provides insight into the...

When parents have experienced betrayal in their relationship, the entire family system is impacted. Teens and young adults are old enough to sense things are amiss, but may not understand everything that’s happening in their parents’ world.  In today’s episode we are excited to welcome Morgan Ellsworth, a life coach at Choose Recovery Services. She is an APSATS trainee and has training as a DBT Skills Coach. Morgan shares her story of navigating her teenage years in an environment touched by...

We know attachment can suffer between partners when there’s been betrayal or trauma, but how are our kids’ attachments impacted? In today’s episode, Amie and Alana unpack how to be a solid anchor for your children during hard times. Learn how to be grounded, regulated, and vulnerable to help your children stay securely attached to you even amidst chaos or crisis. Listen to learn: How doing your own healing work enhances your children’s ability to form secure attachments Why staying...

Do you ever feel tangled up in knots trying to understand where your relationship pain stems from? How can you tell if your pain is coming from childhood attachment wounds or current betrayal trauma? This week Amie and Alana help us learn how to unravel old and new attachment knots and walk us through what we can do to feel secure again in our relationships and in trusting ourselves. Listen to learn: Why believing your body’s signals is crucial, especially in the beginning stages of...

Have you ever felt disconnected, even when your partner is right beside you? In these situations, ask yourself, “A.R.E. you there for me?” Amie and Alana break down the acronym "A.R.E." to give you a tool to help you set the foundation for meaningful bonds, communication and attachment. Learn how to deepen your connection so you can be there for others and for yourself.  Listen to learn: What A.R.E. stands for How being accessible, responsive, and engaged can help you increase...

Do you crave deep connection but struggle to let partners in? Have you ever accused loved ones of being distant when they simply needed space? These behaviors could stem from your attachment style. Join Amie and Alana as they delve into attachment theory and how our attachment styles formed in childhood become blueprints for our relationships throughout our lives. Listen to learn: What the four styles of attachment are Ways in which trauma and inconsistent parenting can breed...

Trust is essential in healthy relationships, yet it is shattered by betrayal. Rebuilding that broken trust can feel impossible. In this episode, Alana tackles head-on the messy complexities around trust after betrayal. She offers insight into power imbalances, avoiding the dangerous “floating saint” trap, boundary setting, embracing imperfection, and more. With patience, help, and healing, you can learn to trust again. Listen to learn: How power differentials play into trust How an...

If you’ve experienced betrayal in a relationship then you know what it’s like to feel rejected by your partner. But are you aware of ways you may be rejecting YOURSELF? In this episode, Amie sheds light on the topic of self-rejection. Learn what self-rejection is, how it shows up in our thoughts and actions, and what you can do to overcome this barrier to healing and connection. Listen to learn: How self-rejection may stem from childhood patterns The many ways that self-rejection can...

Am I enough? Am I worthy of connection? Am I worthy of love? If you have found yourself asking these questions, then you will want to listen in as Amie and Alana and their guest, Jess Kovic, talk all about shame. Jess is a certified life coach, APSATS trainee, Brainspotting practitioner, and fellow team member at Choose Recovery Services. Jess helps us dive deep into the shame surrounding betrayal - how it shows up, why it sticks around, and most importantly, how you can shed it. Listen to...

Although he’s always eager to take you for a twirl on the dance floor, Walter isn’t the dance partner you want. His toxic tango can cause you to constantly trip up in your relationships. So who is this Walter guy? WALTER is an acronym representing the unhealthy communication behaviors we often fall into despite our best intentions. In this week’s episode, Amie and Alana share examples from their own lives of times they’ve danced with Walter, and they give you ideas of how you can ditch...

Betrayal cuts deep, and that wound causes intense pain and heartache. In this episode, Alana talks about why betrayal is so traumatic. She walks us through the three main areas that betrayal attacks and outlines the six stages of healing. Listen to understand more about the strong emotions you may feel as you’re recovering from betrayal and how that’s a normal and expected part of healing. Listen to learn: Why betrayal is so traumatic How betrayal trauma impacts your attachment, your...

Happy Holidays! Alana and I are so grateful to all you listeners and feel so blessed to hear from all of you and the support you feel from this podcast. Many of you will write in and kindly assume that we have it all together, so today we thought we'd show you just how much we don't! Head over to our YouTube channel to watch Alana and I listen to our blooper reel as well. We hope this gives you a much needed laugh in the middle of your hard. We know you do hard things and know that you can...

When you have experienced trauma or betrayal, grief and sadness feel like constant companions. Kim Brown, a grief educator, APSATS candidate, and certified betrayal trauma coach at Choose Recovery Services joins Amie and Alana this week to help us understand more about grief and its significance in our healing journey. If you find yourself constantly trying to ignore your grief or push it aside to deal with later, listen up to learn about what you can do to actually integrate grief into your...

“I have to do it all! I have to BE it all!” If you often find yourself thinking these things, then this episode is for you! Amie and Alana share practical tips for finding balance amidst the seasonal chaos. If you feel overwhelmed and pressured to make the holidays (or any days!) picture-perfect, this episode will give you permission to do less of what doesn’t matter so you can do more of what does. Listen to learn: How to determine what traditions really matter this year The perils of...

The holidays can be a tricky time under the best of circumstances, but in the aftermath of a betrayal, they can feel impossible. This week’s episode offers a no-nonsense guide to surviving the holiday season. If you’re tempted to run and hide during these upcoming weeks, listen in on this Road to Recovery webinar as Alana and Luke throw you a lifeline. The tools they share can help you navigate through this season of triggers and turmoil and give you hope as you launch into the new...

After nearly two decades of marriage, Staci Somes found herself at a crossroads far too many women face: should I stay or should I go? Join Amie and Alana as they talk with Staci, a licensed professional counselor and coach at Choose Recovery Services. In this raw and vulnerable conversation, Staci shares her personal journey of betrayal and the growth and healing that can be found on the other side. Listen to learn: How to tell when it’s time to leave a partnership that isn’t working ...

Do you ever feel like you have to pretend to be happy in your relationship? Are you tired of hiding your true feelings just to keep the peace? Join Amie and Alana as they talk about the problems of inauthenticity and the benefits of embracing and expressing your real thoughts and emotions.  Listen to learn: What authenticity is and why it is important in healing relationships The problem with feeling like you have to pretend with your partner How drawing four circles on a piece of...