They'll shake your hand while pissing on your leg, plead and then pulverize promises, and generally give the sense that they're one hundred people who share a face. But why? Let's talk about narcissist personality structuring that ranges from neurotic to psychopathic, but never hits the mark of "maturity." Meanwhile, creating the condition I've titled simply: There is no Integrity without Integration. Into this talk? Come hang out, there's been plenty more at...

"Just feel good about your authentic self and don't let anyone wreck your recognition of specialness." Right. Let's talk about what may be holding us back from achieving this safe, centered, self-supportive, resilience-boosting psychological station, and the easiest way to achieve the "healthy self" that's never been otherwise defined. Adaptive Narcissism. Plus, we'll be discussing how AN relates to VN and GN; reiterating the truth that going small with your self is not the answer to trauma...

Why is the decision to sacrifice or save our brains so difficult to make? Let's talk about subconscious narratives we probably all carry, the ambivalence-guilt connection, and the power of perception on caregiving burden. Find the transcript at t-mfrs.com Looking for the 9 full episodes on this topic? Hit up the Filial Obligation Collection on patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Need some FilOb support? There's a group coming for that dontchaknow. Stay tuned. Cheers FCKRS. --- Send in...

A big 'nouncement; so long TMFRS! Then let's talk about what constitutes a VulNarc versus "a person with CPTSD." Where does the chronic manipulation come from? How are recovery resources used for trauma-unhealing? What's up with the hostility and antagonism? . Lots to cover in this mashup of "time, space, and energy" meets "VulNarcs" and "trauma-selves." . For even more detail, check the newly updated Narc Collection at Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers . And thank you again for the...

This year we spoke about Intimacy. Now it's time to confront *Intimacy.* Let's look at the discrepant programs that live inside of us, gathered across a lifetime of adaptation to extreme events and unhealthy narratives. We're talking Sexual Healing vs. Internal Family Systems and deprived needs. Need this conversation more than you knew? Check out patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the application-heavy episodes, and see what you find out about yourself. While you're there, add a...

We're tying up loose ends in our discussion of relationships! Today, discussing the cognitive copy-pastes we accidentally carry out between past and present relationships - and they ways they set us back in our recovery goals while creating abusive dynamics. Need more thoughts about transference in all its forms? I've got another hour of material and an animated vid on this one. Check patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for more help, or go to t-mfrs.com to get your pubpod transcripts...

Let's cut the brainy shit, the real answer to surviving the holidays is not abandoning yourself. Need more holiday support? Don't we all. For all the other holiday freebies, just hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Search "holiday" to find releases from the past for no cost, or subscribe to access the pre-wrangled Holiday Survival Collection for your listening ease. Stay safe, support yourself, and see you soon F****r! MFJess and Marcus Barkus --- Send in a voice message:...

Back to NonViolent Communication! Here are 10 things the experts say destroy our attempts at vulnerable disclosures and requests. Just in time for the holidays, let's talk about why these conversational reactions burn our t-brains and why people are programmed to use them, anyways. For the full transcript and all the doods, check t-mfrs.com and get ready to peruse for hours. To jump into the full-length conversations and deep dives, head over to patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers....

We learn to neglect ourselves at an early age and then everything goes to hell forever after. Stuck in unfixable suffering, toiling away with ineffectual attempts to comfort ourselves, and possibly... destroying our own lives, in an attempt to end the self-deprivation through backdoor methods. Let's talk about needs and what happens when we learn there are "required" versus "unallowed" ways we're permitted to care about ourselves. If this show made your eyes get real big, you may want...

"Depression is the reward we get for being good children." NVC helps yer relationships, sure. But it'll also rewire your t-brain trashhabits, emotional misunderstandings, and shit perspectives if you use it solo. Let's talk about the roots of the worst of us; our unmet needs and beliefs that deprivation = goodness. Which create vicious cycles of projection, unfulfillment, and relational abuse. Like reading along and looking at scribbles? Find your transcript here, F****r. Ready...

Ever feel "unheard"? Well, here's the key to getting your point across and sparking collaboration rather than opposition. Today, we're talking about NonViolent Communication (NVC) - the 4 step framework for communicating effectively about emotions and unmet needs without stimulating defensive reactions or leaning on your own deeply ingrained control tactics... And so much more. Wanna transcript and some doods to listen along with? Find it here! Looking to do more than scratch...

So, how do we apologize "the right way"... Rather than creating MORE damage through half-assed "I'm sorrys"? Today, let's talk about the 5 points for offering a real apology for sake of true relational healing... And four examples of how NOT to apologize, unless you actually want to make the emotional abandonment experience worse for your partner. Looking for 10 more examples of terrible non-apologies? Hit up the recent episode "Non-Apology Apologies" over at...

How DO we heal what's been broken? I've got a short phrase for you - it's what we've all needed to hear all along. And let's talk about the timeless wounds patched up by real apologies, as we prepare to talk about s****y apologies next time. Hail yerSelf and Cheers F*****s. Git the transcript version of this post at t-mfrs.com and check out some doods while you're there. Catch up on the recent downpour of episodes over at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and help this one-human...

We all know about the 4 survival Fs at this point. But how about the additional F reactions- Fronting and Feigning? Let's talk about learned reactions that keep us feeling safe in relationship... while rotting out the connection, engaging manipulation tactics, and using fear as a self-defense. Looking for more "real relationship talk"? Well that's the order of the month, over in the private podcast stream. We're dropping four full episodes of "less fluffy" relational conversations,...

We've talked a lot about committing fully to relationships and overcoming our conflicts together, through examining the subconscious wounds that actually underly our relational upsets. But here's my question: Is that realistic? Today, we talk about getting clearer on the contents of our potential and current relationship partners' preprogramming, through checking our own somatic experiences, our shared trauma histories, and their adaptions to the social systems that raised them. For...

Let's run through a bunch of messages today, and end on a trauma recovery inspired tune - sent by a gifted MF putting their skills to good use for all of us. We'll talk about fearing borderline diagnoses, redesigning life to meet our recovery needs, the utility of journaling and trauma narration, and beyond. Thanks again to Somber Mercy for their share and song submission! Find them at instagram.com/sombermercy If you want to be a part of the Mailbag or M***********s Speaks episodes, send...

Ever feel like "the issue" isn't really "the issue" in relational conflict? That's because the real issue is buried under layers of protective instincts that keep us unable to fully connect or communicate... but very capable of fighting, endlessly. Let's talk about "conscious relationships" and their trauma recovery utility, as we discuss methods for resolving unescapable conflict detailed by IFS couples therapy practitioners. Hankering for the full details on this relationship...

Why do we start close relationships and love connections feeling one way... only to watch them disintegrate, become survival-based, and turn into "resentment"? Let's walk through the easiest explanation ever told; pulling in our Internal Family Systems education to discuss the greatest relational obstacle of them all. Looking for a lot more relational talk? Good news! It's been the theme of 2023 over on the private stream. Check this month's special triple research episode release and...

The perfect email to reflect the topic of the month - needing to understand our own unconscious brains before we set them loose on others - is here! Let's hear from a young listener out of Ohio (sorry) who asks about the continual feeling of "wrongness" that's been birthed from {TW} childhood sexual abuse, and all the ways it's ruined ongoing attempts to recreate their life and relationships. Plus, what this Muff suggests you can do about it, on a SUB-C level. Check t-mfrs.com for the...

So we're littered with vulnerability and trust issues... and plenty of recentish events can dominate our reasoning about "why." But really, those interpersonal shuttdown instincts likely started a lot earlier. We carry unseen wounds from decades ago that stack up to create sky-high obstacles to human connection, which get validated down the line to form solid f****d up core beliefs about ourselves vs. the human species. Today, we're hearing the story of a MF like you, reflecting on an...

We MFs struggle to begin or maintain healthy relationship dynamics, with a lot of externalized finger pointing about why. "Abusers just flock to me." But the truth is, the abuse recreation is mutual and it all starts in the place we attempt to willfully ignore - inside ourselves, within our preferred and hated personality aspects. Let's talk about acquisition of conscious and unconscious identities that f**k up our relational attempts equally. The ways Protective, Exiled, and Distractive...

You wrote, I do my best to answer! Today's Q: "Your episodes trigger the f**k out of me, therapy is going to do the same.... so how do I keep up my hyper-functionality while the emotional tides rage?" My A: I wish "do yoga about it" worked across the board. But it don't, so let's approach this from another direction. Talking Manager vs. Exile parts, Self reliance, and making external changes so we can do internal work. Gotta question of your own? Send em to...

Why don't we sign up for close connections anymore? Especially after learning about our CPTSD patterns? It's an episode pulled from the private Fort! Let's talk about relationship hangups from an experiential standpoint, integrating what we've heard from the research with real life brain operations to demystify disorganized feelings about closely connecting with others. Check out ⁠⁠t-mfrs.com⁠⁠ for more info and blogged transcripts of each public episode. To help yourself help...

"So how do you feel about relationships?  Complicated?  You want them? You despise them? You fear them? You long for them? You try them? You exit them rapidly? Or you try to? You get stuck in them? And haunted by cycles of unfulfillment?" Today, let's talk about the obstacles we face when considering relationships or landing ourselves in them. The ways we attempt to protect ourselves from them. Why shallow, distanced relationships plague PTSD sufferers. And how vulnerability, intimacy, and...