To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsSomeone leaves season’s greetings in the toilet at ATC for O’Neill. Then, Danish finds a Diet Coke in the other bathroom, causing them to imagine a situation where a billionaire grants wishes to whoever drinks the toilet soda. Ryan pitches a traveling van of risque circus performers. Andy wears orthopedic flip flops, but no one believes him. Ryan then tries to get Andy to...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this episode, the gang talks Book Fair books, school stores, and Little Caesar’s Pan-Pan. Also, Andrew recounts a story of being jumped in elementary school and using his fat to his advantage. O’Neill intelligently breaks down how the insults of 4th graders wouldn’t hurt as much as an adult. Then, they argue about the size of ships in a bottle. After that, they invent...

Go to GreenChef.com/60beachcops and use code 60beachcops to get 60% off plus free shipping. GreenChef: “The #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well”To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsAaron has an insane divorce story from his neighborhood. We offer him a series of Crunchwrap based gambits and see what he’ll take. Andy’s neighbor washes his clothes with a hose and uses adult diapers for the craziest thing. Aaron’s neighbor...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Another fantastic, classy, dignified episode of the Pork Report with Ryan and Andrew. Andy buys a soundboard for a dollar and immediately gets decision fatigue. Andrew and Ryan try to create a game show called “Read O’Neill’s Mind”, but it doesn’t pan out. Then, they talk Cadbury turkeys and nacho cheese turkeys. Andy shows O’Neill Gymkata for the first time, and they...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Ryan talks about politicians working way past the retirement point, and Aaron recounts amazing movies. Then, O’Neill and DeWitt create an action movie called Pork Chops about karate police partners who fight children.

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsThe gang discusses a brand new business idea, where Andy dresses as a pig and lays in a trough, while O’Neill acts as a barker for people who are tired of waiting in lines for the porta-potties at music festivals. Then, a firefighter hero sends in an incredible video, and we make the case for higher pay for some of our country’s bravest workers. 

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Jeff is out of town, so to keep it together, DeWitt and O’Neill decide to ditch the cargo shorts and dress up like two true gentlemen. O’Neill asks Andy to plunder-wash his laundry for $1.75. Aaron gets “kind of“ horny. Andy’s friend Burt stays up all night dreaming of $50,000. O’Neill and Andy role play a car dealership where Andy keeps being mistaken for a woman. O’Neill...

Go to GreenChef.com/60beachcops and use the code 60beachcops to get 60% off and free shipping. Green Chef: "The #1 meal kit for eating well"! To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsAndrew needs to be hypnotized to fall asleep and also can’t keep in touch with his relatives on the East coast.  Ryan takes umbrage with the lyrics to ”Bongos” and tries to rewrite them. Danish recaps an emotionally abusive new 90 Day...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Listeners come together to write O’Neill an open letter one line at a time to get him to stop his bad boy zone behavior. The letter predictably goes off the rails. After that, the gang explains an idea DeWitt and O'Neill once had to Aaron. Andy’s back goes out again, as Danish shows a beautiful horse, which Ryan thinks is a psyop. Then, they talk about the diarrhea plane. 

Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BEACHCOPS and use the code HELIXPARTNER20. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this one, the gang debates if there is ever a “charming” way to blast a big old beefer in front of a potential significant other to...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsThis one starts with the gang recovering from the horrific Hurricane Hilary. Aaron gets a controversial text from a famous comedian. Ryan tries to come up with a new Desert Eagle business, and Danish creates a hypothetical cartel art career for Andy. They debate the best ingredients for traditional ancient medicine. Then, Andy makes AI tell O’Neill he’s a very bad boy. AI...

Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BEACHCOPS. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this episode, O’Neill has some tough but fair relationship advice for a morgue employee. Also, O’Neill talks horror movies. Andrew discusses his intense ballet...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsOn this episode of Beach Cops, Aaron tells us about a styrofoam jail from his youth. Ryan grills Andy about a Disney audition that featured adult content. Danish reveals Obama’s secret naughty letters, and the gang has some insane theories. Then, they talk about the underrated TV show, Alien Nation. And, Andrew shows everyone his new DIY washing machine.

Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BEACHCOPS. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this episode of Beach Cops, Andy is recovering from Covid, and the Codeine darkness has his soul. Danish has some shocking manatee news, and O’Neill can’t stand a...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsAndy brings in Nerf guns, and it makes the opening of the show extremely chaotic. Then, he gets (fake) cheese lip so bad it gives him a lip pimple. He also has some new surf tales  and claims he popped the supposed lip pimple boogie boarding. O’Neill makes fun of Andy’s favorite spice shoppe. After that, there’s more Slingblade and Mrs. Doubtfire improv. Ronald Reagan drops in on...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsOn this episode of Beach Cops, Ryan goes hiking drunk, Andrew recounts an old story about Taco Bell Gorditas that goes wrong. A dude gets shown racy pictures on a plane by a lady, and Air Marshal Andrew catches them. Danish reads a political article about farts. Then, they find out about one of the funniest police evidence seizures of all time.

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops O’Neill has a family incident with fireworks and then launches so many Roman candles he looks like a chimney sweep. Then, the gang imagines Andy’s "pirate" teaming up with Somali pirates. There’s some more black powder talk. After, there’s some AI talk mixed with some Scottish Lords talk that gets derailed by a "special" headstand request from O’Neill. The gang imagines what would...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Andrew “thinks” he saw an extremely tall lady adult film being filmed in an alley. Someone’s wife goofs through the metal security door and then her and Andy do prairie dog noises, while O’Neill is on the toilet. Andy finds out about an AI app that generates erotic stories and goes nuts with it and toys with the idea of using it as a wonderful anniversary gift. Then, they use the...

Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BEACHCOPS. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this episode of Beach Cops, Ryan reveals that his goofy wife won’t stop doing prairie dog noises, and it’s driving him insane. There‘s some kidney selling talk, and then...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Andy gets stuck in his own apartment and has to drill his way out. Ryan talks about Breaking Away and Indiana history. Then, the stream goes down again. A butter fire is suggested for burning notebooks. Andy enjoys VR adult content, where he has to outrun male genitalia, which Danish and O’Neill turn into a gym business ideas. Then, Danish does a bio of Corn Hogger, and Andy...

Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BEACHCOPS. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now.To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Come celebrate 200 episodes with a Mad Lib the fans sent in that doesn’t match up with the end result, a trip to the farm that enrages DeWitt , and some touching drunk calls...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this episode of Beach Cops, the gang talks about catering movies to 4DX seating, which Andy loves. Then, Ryan makes fun of Yoda’s clothes, which really bothers Andy. Andrew reminds the gang how much his dad loves "Cool Runnings". Danish talks about using a sexy cashier voice to say sensual stuff through the drive thru speakers. This confuses O’Neill, who tries to produce his...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BEACHCOPS. This is their best offer yet, and it won’t last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. Andy starts the show, talking about his tragically famous Dutch ancestors, and O’Neill shares his amazing new invention for hard-to-crack pistachio shells. Then the boys do...

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this episode, Andrew has a disappointing urination stream due to a soap fiasco. Danish goes to Disneyland, and people walk off a ride in the middle of it. Andy finds body grooming tips on YouTube (guess which body part) that blow his mind. Then, Danish finds a human interest story about a DnD nerd, who uses a “robot“ voice at McDonald’s, and O’Neill and Andy prepare to rage...

Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BEACHCOPS. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this episode of Beach Cops, Aaron finally becomes one with Beach Cops as he plays Mad Libs with the boys. O’Neill gets some cool names for possible future kids. They come...