Episodes
Published 04/22/24
Andy hears some of the ads YouTube inserts into the middle of our free video and the timing is incredible. O’Neill and Aaron bond over the piss drinking monkey idea again which upsets Andy. A drone spies on O’Neill while HE pees. A museum guard hangs up his own painting and gets fired prompting a discussion of whether or not hanging an unauthorized nude painting of yourself counts as flashing. Then a quote from O’Neill angers a fan and it becomes a Whazzup Man of Reddit post.
Published 04/22/24
O’Neill is back from the road with stories about drinking 184 beers , destroying toilets and being kicked out of museums. Andrew finds out a shocking revelation about his local robotic Whole Foods. Ryan burns off his eyebrows doing a fire walk and Andy explains to him how wires are not fake. Then Aaron and Ryan team up against Andy in their support of the “Truck Pee  Monkey” . And Aaron has a hoverboard door to door salesman show up.
Published 04/15/24
https://www.factor75.com/ USE CODE: Beachcops50 and get 50% off. Mike Black joins the dudes for a wild ride. They debate everything from dildo length, bigfoot, gay strip clubs, 80's movies, The Duke Boys vs. Magnum P.I. and so much more. We also may have finally solved the mystery of Aaron's 5 AM porkers. It's an explosive episode with far-reaching ramifications.
Published 04/08/24
I hope you're ready to learn about male lactation cause that's our opener. Even Nate Diaz stops by to discuss it with us. Then we hop right into some Tony Robbins talk. After that, it's more corporate murders. Then Andrew talks about one of the stupidest people that ever lived. After that, Andy's neighbor tries to bang him or does she? You be the judge. Then O'Neill makes up his own demon to pray to for good luck. Also, Aaron sends us an alarming text, so tighten your suspenders cause we're...
Published 04/01/24
This week we're back in the old O'Neill family studio. We open with some DeWitt physical therapy talk and he reveals a shocking revelation. Then we discuss Boeing's new assassination program. After that, it's Goggins' time. Then a shower kills a man. After that, we find out about a shoplifting ring bust right in our own backyard. Then it's time to save the hole. It's fun, it's fresh and it's time to eat. Come get the slop!
Published 03/25/24
FULL EP@https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Andy has spinal poverty and needs to go to physical therapy.  Aaron comes back from The Big Easy with some wild stories.  O’Neill scares Aaron and Andy about jury duty.  Andy repitches Mommy Milkers for serious feedback and Aaron thinks it’s actually pretty good.  Ryan makes fun of Andy for needing to watch the Hulk episode of Mr Roger’s then he insists that women are dirtier than dudes.  Then O’Neill tells ghost stories that infuriate Andy. Then...
Published 03/18/24
https://www.factor75.com/ CODE: BEACHCOPS50 GET 50% OFFOn this episode of The Pork Report, Andy’s aunt accidentally posts an AI picture of a vagina in space on her Facebook page believing it to be a telescope photo of a black hole, his porno friend tries to drive him to Mexico to get wiener stem cells and Aaron’s neighbor starts an indoor dog gymnasium.  Then Ryan blows the lid off the gay lion story and they write a strongly worded letter to the official who accused gay people of corrupting...
Published 03/11/24
On today’s episode of the pork report, Ryan and Andrew discuss New breaking news about P. Diddy. Then they find out that a lot of boomer musicians were real creepers . Andy finds a Scottish AI Wonka themed immersive experience that is truly dog Dookie. Finally Aaron has a softball update that will hit you right in the chest.
Published 03/04/24
O’Neill talks medical strikes in South Korea, Andrew gets advice on how to fix his back finally. Then they talk about the Civil War and O’Neill draws a hard line in the sand. We help Peppertooth with more magical incantations for his Dungeons and Dragons campaign and O’Neill invents several drug based businesses and they use a cellphone stenographer to try and capture some of their amazing ideas.
Published 02/26/24
Head to https://www.factor75.com/pages/podcast?c=BEACHCOPS50&mealsize=8-1&c_comms=PERCENT&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=podcast50off&utm_content=act_podcast_podcastads&discount_comm_id=7267f20b-a39f-4440-9ca2-1404329a2b419&dis_channel=audio and get 50% off with code BEACHCOPS50. FULL EPISODE @https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Andy is the bionic Rite Aid man, more toilet twerking occurs, and we help a listener buy medical equipment on Amazon....
Published 02/19/24
FULL EPISODE HERE: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops DeWitt and O’Neill are back in the studio with some more slop! Andy has a lot of female friends who think they can sell feet pics, Ryan pulls a gun on Ranaziz, and Andy remembers the most insane swashbuckling movie of all time, Zorro The Gay Blade.  O‘Neill‘s mom gets scammed and makes $20 bucks. Andy gets stoner scammed and loses $40. Then they talk scrap metal and an amazing horror movie premise!
Published 02/12/24
FULL EPISODE HERE: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Big Earl Skakel is finally back and it’s a wiiiiiiiiild ride. O’Neill talks about his documentary project with What Up Pete and Earl himself. Then we talk Vince McMahon doodie accusations,  dramatic readings of sleazeball texts and for some reason Earl re-enacts funny scenes from the 1970’s sitcom “The White Shadow”. Then the boys roast his old toilet and it gives Earl a boner then they help him write some new jokes. Wow, it’s a tour de...
Published 02/05/24
FULL EPISODE HERE:https://www.patreon.com/beachcops Sooey! It’s the Pork Report and it’s time for your slop! Ryan tests everyone for psychopathy using this one weird trick. Then they talk AI girlfriends, a company that pays for doodies, and OF bikini farm work by O’Neill. Andy talks about the South Carolina Lizard Man and his grandma scaring him with Raw Head Bloody Bones. Then a Satanic cult raises its head in a beautiful neighborhood. 
Published 01/29/24
FULL EPISODE HERE: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops   On this episode of the Pork Report we have more of the sloppiest news you can use! 10 foot aliens, Oprah has a body double,  and we start multiple amazing screenplay ideas. O’Neill races to finish a seafood tower in a mere hour and half.  Then he plans a seafood based crowd work only comedy special. One of Aaron’s family members wins a car. And he never gets to see it.  There’s some serious fondue talk. Then the boys do a deep dive on the...
Published 01/22/24
FULL EPISODES @https://www.patreon.com/beachcops                                       The dudes are back and it's guns a blazing! First they talk about fluoride french fries. Then it's airplane disasters. After that they jump into tick bites that result in a pickle of  predicament. Then it's softball talk, Tony Hawk and Jesse Ventura joins the show. Come one, come all, it's The Pork Report.
Published 01/15/24
SPECIAL FREE EPISODE! MORE HERE: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops                  We're back in the old studio while Aaron and ATC close for the holidays. And honestly, it's great to be back! We quickly stumble into chimpanzee nut smugglers. Then we visit the worst person on YouTube. After that, it's a deep dive into the history of truck nuts. Then we reach our magnum opus, an invention that might change the world for the better...it's the ultimate car alarm for the homophobic car thief....
Published 01/08/24
FULL EPISODE HERE: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops                                       In this episode of the ground breaking journalistic power house of The Pork Report,  the boys discuss disposable corn meal beds for hotels and the ensuing rat problem that surely to follow. Then it's super pigs from Canada and the American weaponry that might save us. O’Neill reveals the most dangerous day of the year for wieners and a baked bean factory ends up with rubber balls in the beans! Also,...
Published 01/01/24
FULL EPISODE HERE:https://www.patreon.com/beachcops                                   DeWitt and O’Neill are back in the studio and breaking incredible news. First up, O’Neill talks about a new scourge facing humanity, dolphins with thumbs. We talk about the forgotten Christmas movie, Invasion USA, men who don’t buy toilet paper for their girlfriends then Ryan creates another toilet based trampoline idea. Then Andrew reveals medical procedures he has performed. Ryan uses this to volunteer him...
Published 12/26/23
FULL EPISODE HERE:https://www.patreon.com/beachcops                                               The Pork Report is hitting its stride! O’Neill is back from Cambodia where he was all the children’s lucky charm. He also has unbelievable food deals and peanuts that make you take a dump in your pants. DeWitt springs a new theme song on O’Neill as well as a creamy new Christmas video. Then Ryan talks about a drunk Santa fresh from prison that his dad brought over. Andy’s grandpa hands him a...
Published 12/18/23
Listen to the full episode @https://www.patreon.com/beachcops
Published 12/04/23
GREEN CHEF get $250 off with code beachcops250 at https://www.greenchef.com/                                                                                FULL EPISODE @https://www.patreon.com/beachcops                                             On This Pork Report style episode of Beach Cops, Ryan tells Andrew about the joys of life on the road. A heroin junkie invades Great Wolf Lodge and leaves syringes everywhere. The boys discuss billionaire brontosaurus secrets and the forgotten...
Published 11/27/23
To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsA homeless dude helps "decorate" a giant skeleton in a fancy neighborhood. O’Neill has a ghostly proposition for Andy, but it quickly devolves into a Black Mirror situation. Andy finds a risque Irish woman on Instagram. Ryan has a “broccoli mission” dream that Andy tries to decode. Danish finds out about the urban legend of the Death Cat. A caller leaves a scary message that...
Published 11/20/23
To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcopsSomeone leaves season’s greetings in the toilet at ATC for O’Neill. Then, Danish finds a Diet Coke in the other bathroom, causing them to imagine a situation where a billionaire grants wishes to whoever drinks the toilet soda. Ryan pitches a traveling van of risque circus performers. Andy wears orthopedic flip flops, but no one believes him. Ryan then tries to get Andy to...
Published 11/13/23
To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops On this episode, the gang talks Book Fair books, school stores, and Little Caesar’s Pan-Pan. Also, Andrew recounts a story of being jumped in elementary school and using his fat to his advantage. O’Neill intelligently breaks down how the insults of 4th graders wouldn’t hurt as much as an adult. Then, they argue about the size of ships in a bottle. After that, they invent...
Published 11/06/23