"I’m getting a boner — what’s she going to think??" So begins the conflict for a lot of boys and men have around their cock. From a young age -- basically from the time boners start to be a thing, "It’s like a lot of men are constantly tracking, ‘Am I having an erection and if I do, how do I hide it?’" The thing is, hiding and secrets go hand-in-hand, and they generally don't go anywhere good. The fact is, especially during teenage years, boners aren't even always about turn-on. As one man...

Did you grow up with a religious background? Then congrats, you likely experienced sexual shame! Perhaps you still do to this day. The truth is, it's deeply confusing to grow up having completely natural sexual urges, but be told you're bad or wrong for having them. In the words of the panelists: "For a long time I thought, 'What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get over this?'""I was taught, 'Don’t touch, don’t look, don’t think, don’t act.'""As a teenager I thought, 'I’m going to go to hell and...

"Needing space within a love relationship is crucial for maintaining my identity ... It’s not merely about taking a break; it’s about preserving a sense of self that can slowly wither in the absence of such space." So says one of our clients, eloquently speaking to the need and also the cost of not getting space when it's required. Here we discuss both sides of the need for space -- what it's like to need it (and how to ask for it), as well as what it's like when a partner names that need. It...

When you were a boy, did you feel comfortable being your full self? Did you feel at ease around becoming a man -- like you knew what that meant and smoothly moved into that identity? We live in a world where boys and young men often feel like it's not safe to be themselves, and where it can be confusing to grow into manhood. According to Nat Damon, who runs Reach Academy for Young Men, "what boys need is to be seen and heard." And for boys who need healthy role models in terms of what it...

What if you could read about the sex that affected someone so profoundly they were never the same? What if you wrote about the sex that changed you in that way? If you're turned on by audio porn, ASMR, or sexy stories (either reading them or them being read to you), you're not alone. While we seem to be fixated on men being obsessed with visual porn, according to research nearly one in three listeners of erotic audiobooks are men. According to another poll, men now account for 18% of romance...

"As men, it often feels like we should just know how to succeed in a relationship, how to be great in bed, how to be successful in life, all under the counterintuitive expectation that we figure it all out on our own and never ask for help." Part of our my intention with this podcast is to help men succeed in sex, dating, and relationships with women. And a large part of the gap that I seek to fill is due to exactly what this client of ours shared -- the unfair and often unnamed expectation...

A lot of our clients crave more intimacy or closeness with their wife/relationship partner. Often this includes a longing, or a sense of something missing. As Lucas, our guest here, put it, "The feeling I recall most strongly was a sense of loneliness." Have you ever felt lonely in your relationship? If you’ve wished you and your partner were closer, or yearned for a breakthrough but didn’t know quite how to get there, you’re going to want to listen to this. Psychedelics like MDMA, LSD, and...

Would you ever consider using a matchmaker? In a world of dating apps (and let's be real -- those are rough for a LOT of people!), not to mention a whole lotta ghosting, matchmaking is an appealing notion for many. Plus, matchmakers play a unique role in that they speak to both parties, before and after dates. They're able, therefore, to give people honest feedback about how they're coming across, and help them make adjustments. Here I chat with Anika, a matchmaker for Three Day Rule, about...

This episode is pulled from the podcast Ask Women, where I myself was the guest! We delve into my sex research here, in which I asked over 1,065 women about the men who were best in bed. But this isn't just about finding the c**t. It's a deeper conversation about how to talk about difficult subjects. Why is hard to talk about what we actually like or want in sex? Why is it so hard for a woman to tell a man that something isn't working sexually? It's actually the same reason it's hard to tell...

Polarity can help you have a hot sex & dating life, not to mention a stronger love relationship overall. And like many things in life, it's not a perfect concept; there are issues with it. "In what ways have you found polarity to be useful in your sex and relationship life? In what ways have you found it to be off or problematic?" I posed these questions to our clients in an effort to help shine a light on the problems with polarity. I believe polarity can be hugely helpful in...

As a woman, I sometimes feel like saying to all the Nice Guys out there: We need you! We need you on the court, in the game, on the field of Life. We need you not just as romantic partners (though we do desperately want you there), but as fathers, as colleagues, as teammates. And we need you to be in your power. We need you to be able to speak up for yourself, to tell use the truth (even if it's uncomfortable), to come towards us sexually, to set healthy boundaries. We need your full self. If...

Here's a pattern we've noticed in a lot of the men we work with: They've never gone after the women they really wanted. As one man put it, "A lot of times the girls that I’ve attracted have come to me … and haven't been the most stable." For some men, these dating relationships have even turned into marriages -- without the man necessarily wanting things to go that way. He has felt swept along by the current, often going along with what she wants rather than deeply considering his own wants...

It's a solo episode! I pulled together some questions from clients or listeners, and go into depth on them. Remember that you can always send me your question or questions -- just email me at [email protected]. Everything is on the table, from sex and dating to relationships and repair. I want to hear from you! Here are the questions I answer on this episode: How do I rebuild trust with a partner after a rupture, or a lack of leading over time?How do I date someone in the same friend...

Does it feel exiting for your woman to be fully open with you, feel deeply cherished, and want to f*** your brains out? Then you’re going to want to listen to this one.  You’re likely familiar with polarity — that sacred dance between alpha & omega. It’s a potent force that shows up in dating, sex, love relationships, and beyond (and helps explain the mystery of attraction). But polarity also includes the 3 stages of relating. As we mature in relationships, we can graduate from stage 1...

If you want a thriving sex and relationship life, you'll benefit from knowing about polarity. Polarity, shorthand for the healthy dance between omega energy (aka feminine) and alpha energy (aka masculine), is both life-affirming and hot, whether it's in the context of dating or a long-term relationship. In man/woman relationships, when a man embodies alpha and a woman embodies omega a good amount of the time (not all the time, but in certain key moments), the result is a thriving sex...

As a client recently put it, where do you go to "scrimmage" with women? How and where do you practice relating, flirting, and connecting with the feminine? It can feel like the stakes are high once you're on an actual date (not to mention getting to sexy time and beyond). Here we talk all about that! We cover communities where relating (and practicing relating authentically) is the name of the game. We give you concrete suggestions on where to go during your week to get practice in with...

When you were growing up, did you have a host of great role models when it came to how to be a good man? No, probably not. The vast majority of men with whom we work lacked solid role models for healthy masculinity, both at home and at school. This damaged their ability to succeed in dating, relationships, and sex, and led to a lot of suffering. Scott Kaltenbaugh is working to change that. He's in the school system working in the classroom as well as doing one-on-one mentorship with boys and...

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something "wrong," and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you'll likely resonate with this episode. If you're someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a...

Divorce is a complex and often sensitive topic. For many, there are questions of success and failure, grief and loss, as well as the question of what we’re role-modeling to our children. Questions can come up like, “Is it honoring of myself to stay in this relationship? Should I stay because I made a vow, even if it sacrifices my well-being? And if we do get divorced, will I ever find another partner?” Here, three men reveal their truth around their process of getting divorced, as well as...

This episode is kinda edgy! Here we (a small group of women who are attracted to men) give you a peek behind the curtain in terms of what we really crave from the masculine. The thing we rarely outline so starkly. The truth is, many of us human beings limit ourselves when it comes to having it all. We think we can either have a job we like, or one that pays us well ... we can either settle down and become 'boring,' or have an exciting life without stability. This pattern of thinking is...

Online dating can be hard! As a hetero man on the apps, you're statistically likely to get far fewer matches than a hetero woman. If you're on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, Match, MeetMindful, and/or OKCupid and you're not finding what you're looking for ... you're not alone. Dating apps can be crazy-making -- for real! That said, online dating does NOT have to suck for you. We have 5 concrete tips for you to maintain your sanity and actually have a good...

How do depression & anxiety intersect with sex & dating? If you’re one of the millions of people who’ve experience anxiety, clinical depression, and/or dysthymia — low-grade, chronic depression — then you know how easy it is to spiral. When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, it can feel daunting to even get started. Negative self-talk abounds! This can be exacerbated if you identify with Nice Guy Syndrome. The fact is, human beings (especially in the modern world) are prone...

Cheating is both a sensitive and complex topic. It lies at the intersection of sexuality, betrayal, needs, wants, and power. Here we explore something we've noticed in our work: the correlation we’ve witnessed between the pattern of cheating, and not being in your power as a man. We go over both the experience of cheating as well as being cheated on. In Jason’s words, “One of the shadow sides of a lot of Nice Guys is tolerating not being treated well, and in a weird way this has partners...

"What should I do with my life?"It's a question most of us ask ourselves (sometimes on repeat!), and one many of us could use more guidance around. Knowing the answer matters for several reasons, and one is that it naturally generates polarity with a partner. In sex, dating, and relationships, you, as a man, will polarize women far more when you know who you are and what you're about. It will bring you energy and give you direction, which is naturally polarizing. But how the hell do you...