It’s the LAST EPISODE for this book! But in lieu of jokes about space agriculture or dreamy management styles, we’re asking you to lend your time and/or money to calling your reps and donating to relief organizations combatting the genocide in Palestine. Here are two options to get you started: American Friends Service Committee Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund

We open on Jomark where Mara Jade and Joruus C’baoth are keeping the entire B&B awake with their shouting match in the courtyard. Zoom forward four days and Luke Skywalker gets to do a Death-Star-style-break-in-and-prisoner-heist redo (it’s the same, but in reverse!). And then…we get the incredible and dramatic conclusion of the Hongorian GRASS SAGA! Leia does a full-court Alderaanian royalty press. Chewbacca does some backseat Wookie science. And with their powers combined, 40-some years...

“Tall and tan and young and ANGRY / a woman named Mara Jade goes walking…” right into Thrawn’s clutches, unfortunately. Captured after a hilarious cloak-and-dagger mission in Space Portugal that involves a random Wedge Antilles cameo, Mara Jade spends these chapters reckoning with some hard truths, passing fashion exams with flying colors, and feeling guilty enough about getting Talon Karrde locked up that she decides to go ask Luke Skywalker for help…

In what is possibly our most philosophical/theological episode yet, we get into whether droids are categorically “Neat Little Guys” or “uncanny abominations” — we speculate about what the New Republic’s PR firm might be up to (now that we finally know it exists!) — we are thrilled to follow this galaxy’s own Belgian detective, Lando “Poirot” Calrissian on his upholstery-based investigations — and Grand Admiral Thrawn receives an intriguing telegram that leaves us on a cliffhanger.

Luke Skywalker is nowhere to be seen this week! Lando remains unimpressed while Han Solo meets his childhood hero: The Flying Dutchman, Space Edition.™ Thrawn arrives on the Noghri homeworld for tea and accusations. Leia and Chewie wake up in a locally owned artisanal bakery. And we GET INTO IT on the history of colonialist grasses, baby!! Once you’re done reading these chapters, get grass-pilled with a few Earth-related gems: California’s Lying Fields of Gold 1493: Uncovering the New World...

Mara Jade unenthusiastically trades the jungle for a bustling market in Space Morrocco. Talon Karrde shares a secret: he accidentally discovered the location of the infamous Katana Fleet — 200 super dope ships all tethered together by Bluetooth but which were thought to be “lost.” Joruus C’baoth is still around and still weird and still fascist. Han, Lando, and Luke get into MUCH CHICANERY on New Cov — a pharmaceutical planet that’s basically Little Shop of Horrors meets Bio-Dome (1996).

This week, we start off with Talon Karrde hiding behind the galactic equivalent of a lamppost—his love for the hot goss almost destroys him and his crew. Luke and Lando complete a neat side quest spurred by Lando’s excellent sense of smell and crafty negotiating tactics. An ambitious Bothan is trying to take down Admiral Ackbar with dirty money and sly interior decorating. WE GO BACK TO THE ARCHIVES, BABY, where we discover some weird stuff about the original Jorus C’Baoth. And Han Solo...

It’s the thrilling conclusion to the first novel of the Thrawn Trilogy! And it has answers to all the most pressing questions raised so far: what else was Palpatine keeping in his secret mountain lair (besides his diaries and a crazy ‘bonuus’ dark Jedi) and how will Thrawn put it to use? What happens when you cover Luke Skywalker in poison ivy? Why does Wedge Antilles drink SO MUCH tea? Join us as we say goodbye to Myrkr and—by the law of plot devices—end up in the Sluis Van Shipyards with...

Inside you, there are two wolves. One wolf realizes that he’s on a planet that cuts people off from the Force and—even though he’s camping out in a deadly jungle with a woman whose life’s ambition is to murder him—he decides to take a nap about it. The other wolf is actually that very same murder-y woman whose survival instincts tell her to pop amphetamines and stay awake for three days straight. Somehow, both of the wolves are also eldest daughters. Listen, okay: it’s a metaphor for Luke...

True confession: I spend way too much time browsing Galactic Zillow looking at planets I can’t afford and honestly it’s a toss-up between Kashyyyk and Myrkr. On the one hand: a badass jungle where Wookies (who regularly disarm other beings—and I mean DIS-arm!) are the cuddliest residents. On the other: a mostly forested smuggler’s paradise where you get decent healthcare and no Jedi will ever bother you. All that is to say: there’s not a lot of Thrawn in this week’s chapters, but there’s...

Why is it that everyone always decides to pay Lando a visit a) at the most inconvenient time and b) at the SAME time?! Poor scoundrel (we love him). This week: Han Solo’s study abroad buddy gets robbed—Leia and Luke solve an interesting Yoda-related conundrum—C3P0 gets a non-consensual ‘upgrade’—and Grand Admiral Thrawn deduces the best way to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of grain across a river…but like, Space Edition.™

This week, Luke very capably fends off some Jedi-nappers—proving once again that he’s meant for the field and not for EITHER middle management OR academia. Leia is starting to use her Force abilities a little more here and there—first for a very funny pretend jewelry robbery and then to detect a FAKE MILLENNIUM FALCON! We’ve got ourselves some Wedge Watch; Thrawn does an epic and (more importantly) well-written space battle; and as always, please don’t ever forget that Mara Jade is angry...

It's finally here, the one you've been waiting for: the first of Timothy Zahn's original Thrawn trilogy Heir to the Empire. We've got THE MOST competent bad guy (a regular Space Napoleon) who can predict his opponents' maneuvers by studying their art. Good thing Uncle Owen never paid for Luke to go off to Tosche Station for that pottery class...

Sit back. Relax. Let us pour you a tall glass of cool blue milk as we spin fascinating yarns about some of the galaxy’s most villainous scum—and how they came to frequent a certain wretched hive. That’s right: we’re unpacking the first six stories in Tales From The Mos Eisley Cantina. We’ve got mistaken identities, townhouse robberies, and sentient trees. And who would’ve thought that Greedo’s story would be the most tragic thing we’ve ever read? Or that two of these stories seem eerily...

THE EXCITING CONCLUSION* to this novel has arrived! Han Solo botches a mission to sacrifice himself for the greater good and loses a great number of molars in the process. Luke Skywalker is paired with his soulmate, R2D2, for a romantic rancor ride and makes a meaningful connection with a lizard. And Leia finally chooses who she wants to marry—a decision not based on diplomacy or love, necessarily, but mostly based on whose pants fit best. *We would say "climax," but let's be real. There's...

This week, our heroes are doing some sexy cave camping; arguing over who they get to sit next to on their rancor field trip; breaking INTO prison via berry-picking hoppers; and trying (unsuccessfully) to unhear C3P0’s original multi-versed ballad about Han Solo. That instant classic is either an homage to the Star Wars galaxy’s Frank Sinatra—or Dave Wolverton listened to a lot of Salt-N-Pepa in the mid-90s, who can say? Delusions of Grandeur: come for the promise of courtship, stay for the...

The galaxy’s hottest club is…Dathomir. Literally everyone is crash landing there (on purpose, for some reason?). There’s an evil warlord in the skies and warring witches riding rancors on the ground. Luke has been hiding a maxi dress in his jumpsuit THIS WHOLE TIME. Han is captured but actually kind of enjoys being put to work fishing freaky Tremors/Dune worms out of beer-filled holes in the ground. And despite this book having Leia in the title, we hear surprisingly little from her in these...

OH BOY. This is where things really take a turn for the absolute worst. Han Solo makes all of the galaxy's worst decisions, from the innocuous—asking C3P0 for relationship advice—to the insane—zapping his on-the-rocks-girlfriend with a mind control ray, stuffing her in a smuggling compartment with no oxygen, and flying her to a planet blockaded by a vicious warlord. Coooool. Cool cool cool. It's enough to make one pull a Padmé (aka just...die of sadness). Transcript here.

**New Novel Alert!** Join us as we (somewhat willingly) return to the book that answers the pressing question, “Did Princess Leia and Han Solo end up getting married? How did that…happen?” The first five chapters feature a lot of really hot, deeply cis and celibate people trying to do diplomacy; a trip to a Jedi archive in a bombed-out bunker where we discover some hard truths about Yoda; Han Solo winning a planet in a game of Space Poker; and some foreshadowing of the toxic masculinity to come.

Did you know that you can just CALL UP YOUR FAVORITE LIVING CHILDHOOD AUTHOR and have a chat with them?? You can—and we did. Join us and our plus one, Kathy Tyers, author of the New York Times bestselling novel The Truce at Bakura! Listen to us gab about everyone’s favorite family of force-strong farmboys, how Kathy developed Dev and the Ssi-ruuk, and the different rules that governed how to write 1990s Star Wars novels. You can find out more about Kathy and check out her Firebird series at...

It's the thrilling conclusion to the Truce at Bakura! Luke and Dev join forces to triumph over the Ssi-ruuk, one "freed" soul at a time. Han and Leia misuse repulsor chairs (not like that, get your mind right). An Imperial bureaucrat must face the ultimate punishment: being handcuffed to Threepio for 24 hours. And 132-year-old hacker grandma Eppie Belden does a coup with the help of R2D2 and her home health aide. In the end, everyone is a mess, no one is getting laid, and no one is becoming...

Things are really starting to get going now. Governor Nereus poisons Luke with some worms hidden inside space ceviche (but he doesn't know it yet!). We meet Eppie Belden, who turns out to be an emo-hacker-grandma that commands an army of Bakuran rebels from her living room console. Leia resists arrest!...but is captured anyway. Threepio intercepts a secret plan and becomes the hero we need. Han Solo hides in the chimney of a log cabin and becomes the hero we deserve. Everything ends on a...

The gang has landed on Bakura and made contact with the Imperials they're trying to help. They attend a surprising number of formal gatherings—including a dinner in the space equivalent of that mansion from Parasite, so surely things will go well. Skywalker family drama continues as Leia confronts the ghost of Darth Vader while Luke pines for a woman who is not his sister and who hates his guts! On the plus side: PEOPLE SEEM TO ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT A JEDI IS, which is a miracle. Transcript here.

Barely 36 hours after cremating his redeemed dad and reuniting with his friends at an all-night Ewok rager, Luke Skywalker faces a tough choice: take a goddamn nap or a droid will have to replace all of his bones. Suddenly, the Rebels intercept a spooky message from some Imperials that don’t know the Emperor is dead. Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie, R2, and 3PO are sent on a diplomatic/rescue mission where stakes are high: there’s an alien species that wants to capture and imprison human souls. All...

Our hosts fell in love with Star Wars because it was exciting & relatable. It gave them their first insights into justice, fascism, relationships, belief, displacement, sacrifice, & power. Familiar themes continue throughout the expanded universe novels & we will address them all. (No previous Star Wars knowledge necessary!) delusionspod.com