Gyro takes a moment to try his hand at architecture criticism. We meet a strange man with a skull soul patch who lives in a Zelda forest. We also meet Hot Pants, who will apparently casually lynch anyone who touches their beef and always has shaving cream at the ready. We figure out that Diego Brando is actually devoutly religious (he believes in himself). And we spend far too long trying to figure out if dinosaurs are good at spreadsheets. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre...

We can be absolutely certain that nobody was alive 2000 years ago, certainly no significant religious figures. Diego Brando's backstory remains full of terrible dad behavior. Johnny's corpse part is a vaccine against dinosaurification, which is a shame because Gyro becoming a dinosaur is extremely hot. If your town is full of rats, those rats turning into dinosaurs is really an upgrade. And we meet (and say goodbye to) Ferdinand, who honestly is a high quality villain who deserved more time...

Johnny Joestar min-maxed his character sheet and put all his knowledge points in "horse". Araki can still only draw three faces, one of which is Britney Spears (not a criticism!). Diego Brando slowly turns into both a dinosaur and also the worst possible plus-one to a Tinder hook-up. Eliz and Courtney remain unapologetic Dio stans. Johnny's stand looks different now when he uses it and so of course we have to Explain that. Gyro is growing and developing as a character, which we can see by how...

For our longest episode yet, we discuss the entire Tusk arc, and if spinning fingernails were too much for you, well, we are sorry but you're going to have to deal with spinning toenails too. Marvel as Araki strip-mines Catholicism for ~aesthetic~. Say hello and goodbye to one Baron von Stroheim. We spend quality time with the President of the United States of America who is definitely a really good dude. We get a long, confusing fight with a kid who has a winch in his mouth. Johnny develops...

This week we un-mourn Mountain Tim. Gyro and Johnny are doing all kinds of interesting things in a barn. We revisit the Mountain Tim Test of Stands for Oyecomeva, who likes to explode things and also had explosives on him when he got his Stand (2/2 Tims). Gyro officially joins the Jojo's Bad Dad Club. And we debate the moral character of a fictional nine-year-old for exactly as long as the matter deserves. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! Either you love it, or...

Welcome back to the show! We are back from our unannounced hiatus to grapple a series of difficult questions: Italy -- is it a real country? (Jury remains out on this one.) Johnny asks Gyro the tough questions, such as "why are so many people trying to kill you?" An extended flashback offers the answer to the lingering question "what are those things on Gyro's face?" (but nobody is happy about the answer). And we say goodbye to the country's most popular cowboy, Mountain Tim, since it seems...

We hope you like fingernail-related body horror because this manga is pretty much just fingernail-related body horror from here on out. The Boom Booms are, shockingly, not top-tier JoJo's villains. Courtney miraculously manages to parse an Araki action panel. Johnny finally becomes a protagonist, which is good because it's (sadly) not Gyro's Bizarre Adventure. Gyro unlocks Mountain Tim's back story, and as a result, we as a podcast unlock the Mountain Tim Test of Stand Concept...

Welcome to our podcast, which will now be exclusively about Kristen Stewart Christmas movies. We meet a nine-year-old who gets thrown in jail, but more about him later. Because this is an Araki story, we have a return of our old pal, toilet anxiety. Johnny and Gyro fight against a family of losers. Everyone is humoring Gyro about his iron balls. And we gather more evidence in the ongoing debate of just what the hell is on Gyro's face? -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre...

We meet Mrs. Robinson, a genderqueer icon who might be undead but definitely shoots bees from their eyes. We get a lot of callbacks to Battle Tendency, including killing a random person in the desert and doing a weird trick with bottles. Eliz discusses why Steel Ball Run is really a romance novel. Darius provides cactus science facts. We talk about the X-Files for a while. And Mountain Tim proves to us that murder is only illegal in the wild west when it is performed with metal...

In this issue we learn the dubious JoJo's science of running (hint: it's just a perpetual motion machine). Ogre Street makes a comeback, but this time it's in America and mostly about ginning up excitement around sports betting. We learn some b******t rules of sailing. We get the backstory of one Steven Steel: soldier, scammer, dreamer, sus. And it is a joy to see Hirohiko Araki retell the origin of stands but with the skill of someone who's been writing for 30 years. -- JoJo’s Bizarre...

Pocoloco continues his reverse monkey's paw horse racing strategy. Gyro gives his horse a butt massage with his balls. Johnny has eyes for one man and one man only (it's Gyro). Someone gets dragged by a horse but in like, a good way. If you missed Dio counting, well, this is the episode for you. And we learn to tell the difference between the riding of a bumpkin and the riding of a perfect man who did nothing wrong. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! Either you love...

Teddy bears are easier to cuddle with than scissors, buttcracks don't exist, and 300 million year old ice is basically a Steve Jobs keynote presentation. We talk about some serious stuff including Araki's characterization of Johnny through narration, how time dilation works in sports manga, and ways not to represent middle eastern people especially right after 9/11. Not coincidentally, we meet and also say goodbye to Avdol--uh, wait, Abdul. And we meet the real stars of Steel Ball Run: a...

This week we talk a lot about Johnny Joestar and disability in media. We meet Pocoloco, the luckiest man in the world. Gyro and Johnny have their meet cute, and it involves ball-touching. We learn that shit-talking randos don't last long in the wild west. We learn that American law states that anything is legal as long as a gun is involved. Johnny eats a newspaper in Teen Wolf hell hospital. And we implore you, listener: if something walks like a romance and talks like a romance... it's...

Since we have officially run out of animated JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, we have decided to switch to talking about the manga. But not part 6, no, because that is presumably becoming an anime in 2 years or whatever. Instead we are talking about part 7 of JoJo's, Steel Ball Run, the greatest gay cowboy romance ever told. And our favorite arc of JoJo's. Put on your nicest chaps, sit back, and brace yourself to hear about America in 1890, the invention of prizes, the second amendment, completely...

Here we are at the end (or the beginning?) of Vento Aureo, and boy do we have opinions! First and foremost about sculptor Jesus. Eliz describes the gayest sculpture ever made. Mista's stubbornness has... uh, some consequences. We figure out that Polnareff's fate is really the best possible outcome for him. And we learn the most valuable lesson: someone can be the head of an international crime cartel, but as long as they're not selling drugs to children, they're a good person. -- JoJo’s...

Dio's back, figuratively and figuratively-literally. We finally get some good opening credits. Once again we talk about why Diavolo is not a well written villain. Araki can't stop himself from writing Kishibe Rohan Twilight Zone stories. Speaking of, we meet a young woman whose boyfriend is such a bad artist she throws herself off a building. We discuss Koichi's fate. Also Leaky Eye Luca's fate, for some reason. And we try to figure out how infinite autopsies work. -- JoJo’s Bizarre...

If you've watched the opening credits, you probably aren't surprised by what happens in this episode. Everyone is now back in their normal body, including, crucially, Benedict the Living Dog. We talk about the b******t rules of... soul... bulbs? Diavolo develops character traits as suddenly and conveniently as Giorno develops stand powers. Speaking of Giorno developing stand powers, he is now the proud owner of a finger-laser-shooting robot. And we also discuss, hopefully once and for all,...