Patriots, pilgrims, five-goals-no-behinds-kicking-fair-dinkum punters… The Festival of the Boot 2019 starts with a Big Big Sound wrapped in a Yellow and Black sash. It’s the day Grub Greene has been waiting for since learning how to digitally probe the rods and cones of opponents in the junior Grub leagues.  And while the Big Dance is the focus on the day, eyes, ears and hearts yearn for the pre-match entertainment. Mike Brady’s Up There Cazaly. Paul Kelly’s ode to the MCG Leaps and Bounds. Icing on the cake goes to John Williamson, whose 46,354th rendition of Waltzing Matilda will move fans to tears.   All rise for Sir Kevin Sheedy, who ventured forth across the Anzac Bridge in search of a footy field in Western Sydney to stick a flag in and officially declare it AFL territory. Forget the fact that nobody in Western Sydney gave two licks about footy. Instead, focus on the fact that people love winners, irrespective of code. And those born in the west of the town are born winners.  Lucy Zelic found herself in hot water (but not in a barrel, at least) after calling Adelaide a “S***hole” on a podcast.  Lucy’s not the first - nor will she be the last- to forget that microphones record what you say verbatim, and podcasts are published online for the world to consume and subsequently become outraged over. Roy was shocked to hear Lucy’s comments, firm in the belief that it's possible to enjoy at least a couple of hours in Adelaide, provided there’s a show on.  Taylor Swift has scandalously pulled out of her hotly anticipated performance at the Race that Stops The Nation. Questions must be asked and answers sought. What did Taylor Swift think she was singing at? And who told her horse racing is cruel? We’re pointing the finger at Stella McCartney, who shares a pastel-hued and filled with whimsy vegan fashion line with Swifty. This has a real Stella McCartney stink about it.  What about those Wallabies, right? Give us a Woolies backed commemorative coin already - THAT’LL bring the fans back! Emails arrive via [email protected] and the quality of your correspondence remains reliably high. Honourable mention this week to Bomber, whose one-punch-per-season quota for NRL players ought to be considered by Peter Beattie / Peter V’Landys as a matter of urgency. All of that and so much more on Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG!