Under the file marked “My Family’s Quirks” is the knowledge that granddaughter Joslin has a rough time saying goodbye. She loves her family and friends with such fervor that whenever it’s time for her to part from any of them, she struggles with her own bereft sorrow. Knowing this, we plan ahead to be sure we give her time for her farewells, offering up our own with calm reassurance and understanding. Joslin may have come by this trait honestly, because I also have a hard time with goodbyes,

The Walters family has two sons, aged four and seven. These sweet boys look so much alike that I do a double take each time I see them. Their mom dresses them in matching outfits for holiday photos, and their parents hear a constant litany of how much they resemble each other. But appearance is where the resemblance ends. Having gotten to know these two children, I can tell you that their personalities are nothing alike. Geoff, the elder, is quiet and studious. He’s a rule follower and a bit of

Most expectant parents imagine they will be completely different parents than the ones who raised them. And then somehow, in the months following the births of their babies, words come out of their own mouths that they remember hearing a generation ago. Our past is inescapable, it seems, when it comes to raising our children. This is great news for grandparents who feel somehow affirmed by the perpetuation of their methods and values. But perhaps the most delicious aspect of all is watching our

This one is for every adult who’s watched in frustration as a parent or child struggled in some way. Perhaps you’re a caring neighbor who sees the single parent next door work two jobs in order to provide for her kids. Maybe you’re a grandparent who can’t stand to watch a grandchild try again and again to get the right piece in the jigsaw puzzle. Or you might be a friend who sees a parent at his wit’s end figuring out how to support a child’s more peaceful behavior. If you ever find yourself a

Every pair of parents has a subtle competition going on most of the time. Even when they’re deeply committed to each other, daily life with a family provides no shortage of space for skirmishes. There’s a natural “gatekeeping” related to parents’ devotion to their child. Each parent believes he or she knows best on some issue of childrearing, which often results in disagreement. Mom thinks sugar should be restricted, and Dad thinks she’s being silly. Dad has no tolerance for sass, and Mom thinks

His face screwed up in remorse, Joe was one miserable five-year old. His buddy Brandon was crying and holding his sore arm where had Joe grabbed him to get the Lego guy they both wanted for playtime. A couple of years earlier, Joe would have been merrily playing with his snatched toy. But now, his joy at winding up with the coveted piece was marred by his sense of guilt at taking it away from Brandon. As I watched, I wanted to congratulate Joe’s parents and teachers for the great job they’ve

His face screwed up in remorse, Joe was one miserable five-year old. His buddy Brandon was crying and holding his sore arm where had Joe grabbed him to get the Lego guy they both wanted for playtime. A couple of years earlier, Joe would have been merrily playing with his snatched toy. But now, his joy at winding up with the coveted piece was marred by his sense of guilt at taking it away from Brandon. As I watched, I wanted to congratulate Joe’s parents and teachers for the great job they’ve

Most parents and grandparents remember with fondness their childhood opportunity to play in the mud. Building, slogging, lifting feet with a sucking sound, making mud pies—these sensual experiences of our youth call up pleasure in their remembering. But lots of kids today are prevented from messing around in mud, and there are several reasons why. Societal preoccupation with cleanliness and lovely landscaping where there are few mud holes in many kids’ yards both present barriers for middle

Most parents and grandparents remember with fondness their childhood opportunity to play in the mud. Building, slogging, lifting feet with a sucking sound, making mud pies—these sensual experiences of our youth call up pleasure in their remembering. But lots of kids today are prevented from messing around in mud, and there are several reasons why. Societal preoccupation with cleanliness and lovely landscaping where there are few mud holes in many kids’ yards both present barriers for middle

Standing outside in driving rain at 4 am, I’m reminded of something I already know well: teaching someone to manage his bowel and bladder habits represents a significant investment. Eight-week old puppy Davy came to live at my house recently. While we’re quickly falling in love with this little guy, teaching him to potty outside has been a challenge. The whole experience puts me in solidarity with parents who are working to achieve that same sort of control with their toddlers. Training a puppy

Standing outside in driving rain at 4 am, I’m reminded of something I already know well: teaching someone to manage his bowel and bladder habits represents a significant investment. Eight-week old puppy Davy came to live at my house recently. While we’re quickly falling in love with this little guy, teaching him to potty outside has been a challenge. The whole experience puts me in solidarity with parents who are working to achieve that same sort of control with their toddlers. Training a puppy

A long time ago, most Dads spent their days at work. When they got home to a welcoming home and family where a home-cooked dinner awaited, they may have heard about the day in the past tense: “Tommy cried all morning when you left.” “Dad, I built the tallest tower with blocks today!.” “Daddy, I fell down on the sidewalk and skinned my knee.” Dads were dutiful listeners to the life of the family, but sometimes lacked opportunities to be present in the moment with them. Enter today’s fathers who

A long time ago, most Dads spent their days at work. When they got home to a welcoming home and family where a home-cooked dinner awaited, they may have heard about the day in the past tense: “Tommy cried all morning when you left.” “Dad, I built the tallest tower with blocks today!.” “Daddy, I fell down on the sidewalk and skinned my knee.” Dads were dutiful listeners to the life of the family, but sometimes lacked opportunities to be present in the moment with them. Enter today’s fathers who

Recently, I celebrated that universal holiday enjoyed by each of us who sports a belly button, reminiscent of our entry into this world. My birthday was nothing special. After all, each of us experiences that phenomenon on an eerily regular basis as the calendar pages turn ever-so quickly from year to year. But this year, I tried to imagine that first birth-day, the day I was born. I can envision a few characters in the cast who played out my birth story. My mother and father were there, as was

Parenting is a task focused on the future. The very nature of raising children is to launch their future lives. Parents want their babies to learn so they can succeed in preschool and get into Harvard so they can live happily ever after. Even in the short term, conscientious parents focus on the future. In the spring, parents plan for their children’s fall school enrollment. In February, they decide about summer plans for their kids—camp, child care, activities, and maybe a family vacation.

Parenting is a task focused on the future. The very nature of raising children is to launch their future lives. Parents want their babies to learn so they can succeed in preschool and get into Harvard so they can live happily ever after. Even in the short term, conscientious parents focus on the future. In the spring, parents plan for their children’s fall school enrollment. In February, they decide about summer plans for their kids—camp, child care, activities, and maybe a family vacation.

An old friend visited me recently. She’s raising a lovely 18-year-old son who I’ve known since he was an active toddler. During our conversation she shared enthusiastically about her son’s serious commitment which has led to his becoming a violin virtuoso, participating in an outstanding youth symphony with many performance opportunities. He’s currently auditioning for several universities and hopes to attain a scholarship to pursue his musical studies. As I noted the stars in this proud mom’s

An old friend visited me recently. She’s raising a lovely 18-year-old son who I’ve known since he was an active toddler. During our conversation she shared enthusiastically about her son’s serious commitment which has led to his becoming a violin virtuoso, participating in an outstanding youth symphony with many performance opportunities. He’s currently auditioning for several universities and hopes to attain a scholarship to pursue his musical studies. As I noted the stars in this proud mom’s