When a listener suggested that we talk about grandparents and grief, I thought that it would be a good topic for one of my Livestream episodes with Gwen, but I never realized how much I would learn myself. As you all know, Andy's 20th birthday was last week so I did not prep as much as I normally do for Livestream episodes. I did not have days of questions being posted for listeners in the week ahead of the broadcast. I posted all of the questions once on Facebook and Instagram and no...

Tara's teen daughter, Taylor was the kind of friend who made others feel like they were the most special person in the room. When Taylor tragically died in 2010 in a skiing accident, Tara says that the easiest decision that the family had to make was when they were asked, 'Your daughter is a beautiful candidate for organ donation; would you consider it?' They knew their loving, caring daughter would never hesitate to help others so they did not hesitate either. Tara wanted her daughter to be...

I have a confession to make. This is a hard week for me. In three days, we will have to 'celebrate' Andy's 20th birthday. I have been thinking all week about what a 20-year-old Andy would be like. Would he have decided on a career path? Would he be dating a special girl? Would he still show some of his inner silliness? I'm sure that instead of me kissing the top of his head, he would be tall enough to kiss the top of mine. I'd like to think we would be headed out to visit him at college this...

What is a miracle? Many people have told today's guest, Freddie, that his son, Randy, was a living miracle. Few would have argued that point. Randy was diagnosed with cancer at 4 1/2 years of age. After conventional chemotherapy and radiation failed to treat his tumor, the family was told that Randy had 6 months to live. They turned to NIH studies, but none of those treatments ever made it out of the stage of clinical trials. His grandfather prayed over him and even instructed Freddie to rub...

When Sandy first contacted me after her son, Blake's death, I never imagined that less than 2 years later she would be sharing his story on the podcast. When Sandy wrote to me, it was only 6 weeks since Blake had died. The pain was palpable throughout her email. Her very last sentence to me read, 'This is the MOST excruciating pain ever!!' She was filled with anger toward the doctors who failed to diagnose Blake quickly enough and see just how sick he was. Sandy says that she was in a very...

Last July 4th weekend, I had the honor of going to a very sacred space with two bereaved moms, Dixie, and today's guest and dear friend, Michelle. We retraced the steps that Michele and her family took on that fateful day on July 4th, 2020 when Michelle lost her amazing 19-year-old son, Corban, who drowned in Lake Michigan. From the first steps walking along that trail, I knew that we were doing something very special. I could feel Corban, Parker, and Andy. I could feel God walking along...

Recently, Gwen and I have been starting to struggle to find new topics to discuss on our Livestream episodes. Eric suggested doing an episode about how bereaved people can feel like life is out of control, especially early in grief. After Andy died, I felt like our whole world was spinning out of control. Life was suddenly going really fast and I just wanted things to slow down. The world was no longer a safe place for my family, and everything suddenly felt so scary. As the podcast episode...

We as grieving people often feel as if we are being judged by others. If I laugh or smile, will people think I am 'over' Andy's death? Will they think I don't care or think about him anymore? If people see me sad and crying, will they think that I should be doing better? Will they judge me and think that I should be able to keep my emotions in check? However, as much as we fear judgment from other people often we are the ones who are our biggest critics. We feel guilty if we laugh and smile....

When Susan's 19-year-old son, Chad, died in September 2020 during the pandemic, it was an extremely isolating time, but she and her family were also completely exposed. Chad was a healthy, young athlete who died from an extremely rare neurological disease called Weston-Hurst syndrome. This horrific disease is rapidly progressive and most often fatal as it attacks the central nervous system. Its specific cause remains unknown, but it is triggered by a viral infection. In this case, Chad...

From the first minutes of listening to this week's podcast, you will feel an overwhelming sense of caring and compassion. While in middle school, Marisol's son, Daniel, went on a church trip to Niagra Falls and fell in love. Now, you might think that he fell in love with the beautiful waterfall, but it was the people who impacted Daniel. He saw that beyond tourism, there were people who were truly in need. Daniel felt a strong desire to help. While in high school, Daniel knew he wanted to...

Today's guest, Carrie, and her husband Ben attended their first retreat for bereaved parents only two months after their toddler, Luella, died from bacterial pneumonia. They drove 10 hours from their home in central Illinois to Faith's Lodge in northern Wisconsin. Carrie said that it was the first time they had felt seen and held since Luella had died. The support they received was amazing and on that 10-hour drive home, Carrie and Ben decided they wanted to make their own retreats locally...

Rituals. Different cultures have rituals for various life events. There are beautiful, lavish rituals associated with marriage and births. In Latin American culture, a girl's 15th birthday, her quinceañera, is celebrated as her social debut as a young woman. Rituals abound in many aspects of life, but some of the most powerful rituals are those surrounding death. I have heard many stories of funerals and celebrations of life after the deaths of children all over the world. Some are small and...

As the new year began, I was asked a question. 'What is your goal for the podcast this year?' I thought for a minute and then answered, 'I want to help create more of a community of grievers.' I know that many people tune in to listen to me each week, but I want more than that. I want people to feel that they are an essential part of the Always Andy's Mom community. I want people to feel less alone in their grief. On this week's Livestream podcast, Gwen and I discuss the blessings of finding...

Grief first entered Danielle's life when her dad was killed in a car accident when she was home from college for Easter. She had never experienced grief and said she felt paralyzed. Danielle went on and met and married her husband. When they decided to start a family, grief entered Danielle's life again when she suffered numerous miscarriages. She said it was a horrible and tumultuous time, but then Danielle and her husband had their daughter, Emily, followed 15 months later by their son,...

As you know, I primarily speak with bereaved parents on this podcast, but occasionally, a story touches me and I feel nudged to share it with you. This is most certainly the case with today's guest, Regina. My regular listeners will also notice that this week's podcast is titled differently than others. We do not list by name the sibling that Regina lost because Regina actually lost FOUR siblings at four different times, two as infants and two as young adults. She lived the grief and watched...

When Melissa's youngest daughter, Chelsea, died of an accidental prescription drug overdose, Melissa was devastated. In an instant, her baby was gone and she did not know what to do with her life. She had never faced anything like this and felt overwhelmed. Then, only a week after Chelsea died, Melissa became the full-time caretaker of her younger brother in the end stages of liver failure. I wondered what was going through her family's mind when Melissa took her brother in. What came to my...

As parents, it is natural to want to know what our kids are experiencing. That is probably why at the beginning of every new school year, schools will have an open house where the parents can go to their child's classrooms, meet the teachers, and see where their child will be spending each day. I know the open house is an event that I look forward to each year and have never missed. That is one of the many horrible things about Andy dying. I no longer 'know' where Andy is. In my heart, I...

When you go to Karla's website, karlahelbert.com, you will see these words - 'We all need a little help sometimes. You are not alone.' You might look and think, "Karla, I need more than a little help. My child died. I am a mess." However, Karla understands. Karla knows the mess because she lives the mess. Karla has lived with grief every day for almost 18 years when her son, Theo, died at 9 months from a brain tumor. You may notice this interview is longer than most. I honestly think I could...

When I saw that December 28th was a podcast release day, I immediately thought of my mom and of the 'Be Still' tattoo that I got last year in honor of Andy on the anniversary of my mom's death. I knew that I wanted to do a Livestream the week between Christmas and New Year's as I usually do, but I worried about the logistics as we were going to be traveling and would be in Florida at the condo of my in-laws. This combination of circumstances got me thinking. What about doing an episode...

For those unfamiliar with the popular Christian poem, 'Footprints,' it relates the story of a person who is at the end of life. They are looking back through their entire life's journey as a walk along a beach. Most of the time, there are two sets of footprints in the sand. The first are their footprints and the second represents the footprints of God. This person notices that when they are going through their deepest struggles there is only one set of footprints. The person questions God,...

Legacy is defined as the long-lasting impact of particular events or actions taking place in the past or in a person’s life. I have been thinking a lot about that word recently. On December 5th, we had the first Andy Larson Memorial Concert. Our featured artist, Will Liverman, along with his accompanist, Jonathan King, gave us an amazing night that will never be forgotten. A tradition has been started that will honor not only Andy's legacy but that of so many children whose lives were cut...

When David's son, Nick, was 7 years old, he was having struggles in school causing him to have self-doubt. One night, Nick asked, "Dad, Is there something wrong with me?" Before David laid him down to sleep, David told him, "You're the best 7-year-old boy in the whole wide world, and your daddy loves you." The next morning and every morning afterward before he went to work, David would go into Nick's room and repeat this phrase. Each year the number would go up by one, but the every morning...

After Daphne's 5-year-old daughter, Lydia, was killed in a car accident 15 years ago, Daphne struggled to find any hope. She dreaded looking at her daughter's closed bedroom door. Her therapist gave her a bit of advice that she still lives out all these years later. Daphne's therapist told her to 'sprinkle a little bit of Lydia' throughout the house so Daphne did. She put Lydia's favorite nail polish on the counter and hung Lydia's feather boa on her curtains. She worked to leave little bits...

‘What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?’   This is a question that I have been asked dozens, if not a couple hundred times over the past month. They want to know if we are traveling. They want to know if we are hosting for Thanksgiving. They want to tell me their Thanksgiving plans. It is simply polite conversation during the month of November.    What’s interesting for me is that no one in my life has thought to ask me, “How are you doing this Thanksgiving?” No one has asked how...