Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are the "capo" (the one who conducts the Ultras chants with his back to the game), the joy of just kicking a football right up into the air as high as possible, clubs who have a generation-spanning “mentality” attributed to them, the horrifying split-second when the ball is passed...

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Adam Lallana squeezing in the phrase "football club" three times in just 6.8 seconds, Gareth Bale declaring himself the last piece of Real Madrid's mid-2010s jigsaw, a former Chelsea captain popping up in The Wire, un-highlights-able sports and a very brief history of England's pre-tournament warm-up games. Meanwhile, the panel enjoy the inevitable development that was Jose Mourinho to...

With the curtain now closed on the domestic season, Football Clichés takes another look at the podcast's very best moments of 2023/24. In the style of the bafflingly beloved Premier League Years, this review features: A protracted summer transfer saga, the Pure La Liga XI, the finer technicalities of “ghosting in”, the birth of quiz format Happy Hunting Grounds, Gary Neville's unexpected Squid Game cameo, Eddie Howe being Eddie Howe, washing machines that sound like referees, The 'How Did...

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and James Maw for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Eddie Howe's trip to the set of Neighbours, a technical query on the Premier League's save of the season, a stunning Match of the Day coincidence, Gus Poyet's JFK secret revealed and some heavy-metal Keys & Gray. Meanwhile, the panel decide when a club is truly "established" in the Premier League and whether signing two players from different clubs could ever be a "double swoop”. GET YOUR...

The Football Clichés Quiz returns and this month's opposition for the Clichés crew is Tayo Popoola, Mark G Smith and Stuart Laws who are the brains behind scripted football comedy podcast Dial F for Football. The colourful questions include a kit-manufacturer mystery, players who somehow never signed for West Ham, ludicrous La Liga nicknames, Steve McManaman's unique units of footballing measurement, musical footballers, Premier League shortarses, some more classic foreign-language dubbing...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: another commentator answering their own rhetorical question, a brand new "good X for a big man" variation, a tuneful Serie A commentary exclamation, a Match of the Day protocol scandal, a superb rendition of a bragging-rights commentary classic and an all-conquering Manchester ice-cream merchant. Meanwhile, the panel ponder which goals you can and cannot "pop up" to score and enjoy...

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are the slow-motion facial expression of choice for a missed chance, why players don't take practice swings before dead-ball situations, the cynical optical illusion of double advertising hoardings and the scourge of fantasy XIs that have no tactical balance. Meanwhile, the...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: mangled football chants in sportswear adverts, a textbook crisis-deepener for Manchester United, some re-recorded commentary curiosity, more Football Names in Things and a brief history of last pieces of Premier League jigsaws.  Meanwhile, the panel examine a use of "who else but" for a goalscorer in ice hockey and reassess the "a goal worthy of" threshold. Learn more about your ad...

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Tom Williams on a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: 1930s musical-inspired chants for Premier League right-backs, the mystery player behind a Premier League Player of the Month trophy on eBay, an unlikely after-dinner-speaking football duo, a perfectly-preserved cultural artefact in the men's toilets at Tranmere Rovers, why the EFL needs to fix its promotion-celebration banners, and much more. Meanwhile, the panel enjoy one of European...

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Erling Haaland confounds football's obsession with the star-rating system, Sky Sports News hunting down Arne Slot, Jamie Carragher on the Toy Story franchise, Peter Crouch misunderstanding rollercoasters and Keys & Gray's new refereeing admin nemesis is revealed. Meanwhile, the panel enjoy an above-average moment for football analogies in the political sphere. Learn more about your ad...

The pod welcomes Gary Lineker for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Match of the Day host and England legend chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football. Among Gary's selections are his growing curiosity about expected goals, the psychology of penalty shootouts, the death of strikers rounding goalkeepers, a not-so-radical solution for quick free kicks, overindulgent TV slow-motion replays and the futile duty of pre-match interviews with...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: whether Arsenal won the north London derby "the hard way", when Sarcastic Pep becomes impossible to separate from Normal Pep, commentators answering their own rhetorical questions, teams "sealing" relegation, more footballspeak at the snooker, a footballer-sounding shampoo innovation and Harry Redknapp opening a local supermarket. Meanwhile, the panel analyse a listener's Missing...

The Football Clichés Quiz is back once again and this month the Clichés team welcome their latest podcast challengers in the form of the Totally Football Show's Michael Cox, Jay Harris and Sasha Goryunov. The questions include managers who just know their clubs, Monday Night Football hotbeds, Player of the Month merchants, some more A.I. foreign-language dubbing action, 'bit of both' punditry line-ups and, of course, the Happy Hunting Grounds round. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: some commentary highlights from the FA Cup semi-finals, a classic anti-VAR put-down, a surprise trumpet player on a George Michael album, football chat at the snooker once again, Guardian Football Weekly debating glancing headers and Thomas Muller ending the most tenuous footballing drought of all time. Meanwhile, the panel discuss what type of goal is best described as "a peach" and...

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' April entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are the hapless but unifying body language of a player who doesn't know where the ball is, a genuinely worrying peripheral astroturf hang-up, the downsides of teams from the same country being drawn together in Europe and the impact of the iPad on managerial decorum after their...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: players forgetting it's a cup game in their post-match interview, notably young referees, Wayne Rooney's childhood Match of the Day dream, Barclays-era referees popping up in The Simpsons and Andy Gray answering his own questions. Meanwhile, the panel discuss teams "trying to score the perfect goal" and enjoy Matt Le Tissier being out-weirded for once. Learn more about your ad...

The pod welcomes commentator Jon Champion for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football. Among Jon's selections are Ally McCoist's sheer enthusiasm for football (and life), the romance of the underdog, overseas fans' fascination with English football, the temptation of recency bias, the grilled shrimp at Minnesota United and the overcomplication of football terminology. Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel grill their guest...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: James Ward-Prowse making the podcast eat its words, some subversive penalty commentary, some harsh words for a 50-yard clearance upfield, some rare footballers called Pete and people talking like Richard Keys in unexpected places. Meanwhile, the panel bemoan some hasty Panenka-declaring and decide the derby most likely to inspire the words "in these parts". Learn more about your ad...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a much-needed abbreviation for the business end of the EFL campaign, some autopilot content with the Brazilian Ronaldo, an audiobook voiceover artist guessing the tune of a football chant, a unique goalscoring verb, Richard Keys on his own Wikipedia page and why there aren't any footballers called "Pete". Meanwhile, the panel decide if a corner can be described as "[Player X]...

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Jude Bellingham staying one step ahead of the England news cycle, a suitably literal analysis of the chant "Is this a library?", whether a very specific type of penalty decision is really in the spirit of the game, Gary Neville on Beyonce, Andy Gray's greatest hits, and Richard Keys’ career advice for Xabi Alonso. Meanwhile, the panel ponder how many passes constitute a "string" and whether...

The Football Clichés Quiz is back once again as the Clichés team welcome their latest podcast challengers in the form of Scottish football experts The Terrace for a three-round Battle of Britain. The questions include international allegiance switchers, potentially Satanic backwards football audio, Anglo-Scottish exports, some more A.I. foreign-language dubbing action, semi-forgotten Old Firm Englishmen and, of course, the Happy Hunting Grounds round. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Being "among the goals" (and, even worse, "among the assists"), whether Endrick really did "light up Wembley", if friendlies count as the "Road to [Tournament Host Nation X]" and whether the word "goalposts" is set for footballing extinction. Meanwhile, the panel ponder which player has their "prime" cited the most before ranking and rating the terms used for an individual player...

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' March entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are the quiet honour of spotting how much added time there will be before the fourth official holds the board aloft, the curious lack of a genuine market leader for shin pads, the aesthetics of long-range efforts going in at the near post and the anxiety of trying to choose which...

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Jonathan Pearce's most Partridge moment to date, the parameters of a "pivotal" win, some inspired sleep-related footballspeak from Matty Cash, and the first ever recorded example of a commentator heralding an opener by saying "could it be one?". Meanwhile, the panel ponder what sort of chance would be described as a "good one by his standards" and we look forward to a clash for the...