I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. Have you ever met a Kestochalian? Actually, you might have. They're sort of lovely, except when you want to thump them on the snoot. Which, to be fair, is true of a lot of living things. Also my computer. Which, if it had a snoot, would have been thoroughly thumped on today. ANYWAY, we made something for you, and if you've ever made a huge Sunday meal, this is kind of like that. We slaved all day, it'll be over in 20 minutes, and then we start over. Do I sound...

Well, cue the sultry saxophone and the wire-brushed cymbals, we're back for part II of our "noir" wormhole. We had high hopes for this one (as in, high hopes everyone would get shot and this nightmare would finally be at an end), but we're only down a tour guide, and even he just seems to have wandered off. Goldipants Detective Agency is hot on the heels of Red (aka Colin Smith aka Horace MacRory), the millionaire gangster whose morals are as slippery as his accent. Will Pluto and Donna track...

It's a quiet night on the mean streets of ... uhhhhh ... doesn't matter. And it's not that quiet, either. Lemme start this again. It's a Tuesday night, and the Oz 9 has slipped into yet another wormhole. But it's OK. This one comes with hats. You've been listening to: Lee Shackleford as Pluto Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Bonnie Brantley as Donna David S. Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Joe Shannon Perry as Madeline Kevin Hall as Greg Kyle Jones as your...

It's part 2 of this, and then I swear, we're finished and you can go back to just suspecting how pretentious we are rather than having the receipts. We know Feb 14 can be a bit rough for some, so we wanted to give you the subtle sounds of barfing fairies to help you get through the day. Just know, we love your goofy, kooky self ALL days of the year. You've been listening to: David S Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Kevin Hall as Greg Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber...

As Narrator 2 says in this episode, "English majors must perforce English maj," so here's the episode you've all been dreading: the Fakespeare. Come on, stop whining, you knew it was coming. If you're not familiar with A Midsummer Night's Dream, well, there are lots of really excellent versions out there. We prefer you NOT listen to those, however, as that's going to make this seem even more torturous than being read Vogon poetry before being shot out into space. That said, it was fun to...

This episode... it fought back, I tell you what. But we finally wrangled it into some sort of shape. I'mma go with "parallelogram," because it looks like it's about to fall over, but it's a shape, anyway. We meant to get this out when we were still in the throes of the holiday season, but hey, it's Winnie the Pooh Day, and I reckon that's worth celebrating. It's also National Michigan day, soooooo, go, Michigan, I guess. You've been listening to: Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Lee...

It's episode 90! And that's the best thing we can say about it. There's a lot of sampling of condiments. Word of warning: don't get between (former) Cpt. Jessie and the cheese sauce, or lives may be lost. Also, we found a crate of "blight piston bottles." Anyone know what those are good for? You've been listening to: Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Bonnie Brantley as former Captain Jessie and Lady Nibble Biscuit David S. Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Eric Perry as Dr...

It's nearly Christmas as I type this, and I'm bah humbugging like your least favorite neighbor, but throwing out an episode of Oz 9 always makes me happy. I like making the world just a little bit goofier and more confusing. We have some additions to our ship today, and they are stupid cute in the manner of those "got my kid a puppy" videos that are all over the socials, only these might make you cry for entirely different reasons. But we'll see, I guess; they don't have many teeth...

It's Thanksgiving, Oz 9 style, which means the only thing anyone has to be grateful for is surviving it. If you've ever wondered about the origin of stuffing, well, we have a theory for you. Also, were you aware you speak fluent Klep? It's true. And you didn't even have to practice. Take THAT, Duolingo. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Jessie, Donna, and Daisy Eric Perry as Joe and Jay Shannon Perry as Madeline Kevin Hall as Greg Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Kyle Jones is...

We turned five years old yesterday. The podcast, I mean — Oz 9 just turned 5. How we've lasted that long, we have no idea, but we suspect it has something to do with the fact that everyone is slightly fried from the pandemic and not giving real life 100% of their attention just now. And that's cool. Real life can be a bit of a turd on a hot plate now and again, so suspending reality right alongside disbelief seems like a healthy decision. All of which to say, thanks for hanging out with us....

Remember those days, hanging out at the mall, thinking Spencer's Gifts was the height of counter-culture because they had festive roach clips? Yeah, me neither. I spent all my time at Waldenbooks. Anyway, get ready for a trip backwards in time to the mall. I can almost smell the Orange Julius and Cinnabon (which reminded me that I made coffee that was currently cooling in the other room, dammit. I'm back now) and hear the yelps as another pre-teen gets their ears pierced at Claire's. There's...

Continuing in our endeavor to educate the public, much of the cowboy vernacular here is authentic. Well, some of it. "Brown gargle," for example, is totally legit. Should it come up on Jeopardy at some point, we expect compensation. The crew continue to explore the Oz 9, sometimes voluntarily. We know these stupid sandwich machines are trying to tell us something, but knowing that and actually understanding what that "something" is are two different things, and let's face it, this bunch have...

Honestly, there's just nothing good to be gained from listening to this. It's a bunch of people old enough to know better being very silly while affecting various accents (with varying degrees of success). Good ahead and listen if you want to, but please wear headphones and do something redemptive with your hands, like making food for unhoused people or picking your nose. We'll all feel better about it. Much thanks to Sarah Golding, to whom all credit (and frankly, blame) belongs. Yer...

I know, I know, I skip a lot of bonus episodes too, but srsly, give this one a listen. Not only is Jonathan smarter than the entire crew of the Oz 9 concurrently and consecutively (yes, low bar, but still), he's also got really fun things to tell us about. Hear the interview, then for goodness' sake, stick around and hear his full-cast, immersive audio adaptation of Kurt Vonnegut's "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow." Thanks as ever to John Faley, for the gorgeous Oz 9 music! Links:  Curious...

Exploring the Oz 9 isn't like exploring brave new worlds in the manner of highly questionable colonialists of eras past. Except for the alligators. And the swampy bits. Also not knowing what's safe to eat (hint: not bloody much). And the near-fatal encounters on a daily basis.  OK, so it's actually quite a bit like exploring brave new worlds, except for the bravery. Just... listen to the episode. Try to stay out of the quagmires, and if you do get quagged, at least wipe your feet before you...

Exploration of the Oz 9 continues, and it's not going well. Though we did find some goldfish. And some bumper cars.  Traveling via vending machine is just unpredictable and not nearly as filling as you might imagine, but the crew are blundering around the ship from room to room and sandwich to sandwich, flirting with cowboys and this sentence is a bit long so I'm stopping now.  You've been listening to Eric Perry as Joe Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Lady Nibble-Biscuit Chrisi Talyn Saje as...

I went back and read the opening paragraph that was here originally, and even I don't understand it, so I must have been really tired or possibly in a hostage situation when I wrote it. Anyway, it's gone, and though this means the subtitle now makes zero sense, it's still an improvement. In this episode, Olivia's I-drops (iDrops?) have gotten mixed up with some other substances, and, well, if you thought added chaos might cancel out existing chaos....nope. It just piles on. You've been...

The Livestream for the Cure starts on May 17 and probably ends abruptly with much screaming on SATURDAY (not Sunday, ooops) May 20th at 8 pm when the Oz 9 crew takes over. We hope you'll join us.  Learn more here: LivestreamForTheCure.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our crew land on a strange planet ... and find someone truly strange.  BUT: here's your chance to hear a chunk of Dr. Theo's novel as our turnip greens attempt to evade what Joe refers to as "the stupidest way to die we've come up with yet." You've been listening to: Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Shannon Perry as Madeline Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Joe Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Kevin Hall as Greg Kyle Jones as Narrator 2 and Chris Nadolny...

Yes, I KNOW we said January, but hey, it's January somewhere, right? The Oz 9 crew are finally (?) done with their plant-based emergency and have broken free of the Milky Way Galaxy. They're currently lurking in a galaxy that (if you're looking at it sideways and are 8 years old) has a vaguely rude shape. That should keep them entertained for a while. Anyway, they might actually get off the 9 and explore a strange new world here soon, so now's probably a good time to say goodbye. Before they,...