We cut last week's episode short, so we needed another one to finish our conversation about expectations. In last week's episode we talked about the need to lower expectations if our kids are showing us with their behavior that they can't do the task. But what if your kid has done it in the past and now all of a sudden they are refusing or saying they can't do something anymore? There is still a function behind this behavior, and I choose to see this behavior as a CAN'T do as opposed to a...

This episode talks through the expectations we have for our kids, how to make sure they're realistic and look at them differently, through this new parenting lens. Can we differentiate our DESIRES for our kids from the EXPECTATIONS of our kids. Expectations feel like boundaries or rules, which can lead to the punishment, control, shame, or coercion we're trying to change in this type of parenting. If we truly believe that "bad" behavior is a lack of a skill, lack of connection, etc. and...

The moral of this week's episode: Nothing matters other than your relationship with your child! What doesn't matter: grades; behavior; attitude; sports What does matter: Our relationship   My job as a parent isn't to control my kids' behavior, get them to act a certain way, make sure they're making other people comfortable. It's to show them love and acceptance and show them what a healthy, loving relationship is supposed to look like. So much pressure is put on parents to make sure our...

How do we treat our kids like full human people without treating them like adults and forcing them to grow up too quickly. Let's talk about it! Treating our kids like full people simply means that we welcome all of their humanness and don't try to minimize or talk them out of their experiences. It means that they deserve as much respect as any adult. There is not a topic that's off limits with my kids. There is a spectrum of the amount, intensity, and way information is shared. For hard...

This episode finishes our conversation about bias, inclusion, and how our brains are wired for sameness , making these changes hard. In order to start to change our unconscious beliefs, we first have to bring it into our conscious awareness so we can then override those that are unhealthy, dangerous, wrong, etc. We have to consciously choose to access the parts of our brains that challenge our biases and help us develop new pathways regarding people and situations that are...

This episode talks about what can sometimes be a taboo or hard topic: bias, diversity, and race. We utilize science to talk through how our brains are wired for sameness and build bias into our system, in order to protect us. For more information about this topic, check out this book, that we used to start our conversation. Understanding the science can help take the shame and judgment out of this topic, which can then make it easier to have productive conversations. Our brains are designed...

Guess who's back!!! We're slowly getting back into the swing of things with our first episode of the new year! This episode talks about several topics and situations we encountered over the last few weeks and different approaches and suggestions for dealing with them. Anxiety isn't something that we can simply overpower. It has to be managed and processed in a way that honors it, validates it, and teaches our kids ways to manage it on their own. Forcing kids to repair with their peers can...

It's our last episode of 2023!! This one talks through various topics, including lying, managing big behaviors, and managing different opinions of family members. You can hear our episode on lying here and the episode when Lincoln had a hard interaction with his teacher here. Bottom line: Give people grace and approach behavior with curiosity. If you're looking for more information on parenting differences, that one can be found here. What are your non-negotiables? What is reasonable to...

Last week was all about learning what our attachment style is, now this episode takes about what to do about it. We have no control over how our attachment is developed. We do have control over how we adjust moving forward. Attachment healing can only happen within relationship. To change attachment the patterns first have to come into our awareness. Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the...

This episode talks about adult attachmen styles, which is important for us to learn, so we can understand how we relate to others, including our children. We need to normalize all attachment styles, while also understanding that we can work toward being secure. Our comfort level with and willingness to allow  closeness and intimacy determines our attachmen style in adulthood. Recognizing how our insecure attachment can be so easily passed down to our kids through our interactions, and...

This episode dives deeper into the relationship between parents and adult children.  What do those relationships look like now? What if parents aren't able to do what you need? How do you know if you're ready to have hard conversations? For adult children, true healing can only come when we stop being dependent on our parents for our validation, regulation, and wellbeing. If our parents weren't able to meet those needs in our childhood, it's unlikely they'll be able to do it differently when...

This episode is a little bit of everything, all based on situations happening in Leah's house. How do we validate anxiety without contributing to it? How do we challenge unhealthy thoughts without being invalidating? How do we just sit in the discomfort with them? Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram

All parents desperately want to protect their kids, which is a great and noble goal. At the same time, overly protecting our kids in certain areas can stunt their growth and development in important ways. Many times the concept of protection allows us to control behaviors in ways that make us feel more justified. Areas in which we protect our kids in inappropriate ways: Physical - find ways to let your kids explore and engage in risky behaviorsSocial - it's part of relationships to be hurt,...

This one is for parents of adult children, who might be learning about this type of parenting and information for the first time. How do you talk about what you wish you'd done differently? How do you repair what you now see as ruptures? Ultimately, everyone wants to be validated, which is not the same as acceptance. We all have our own experience, and just because it's different than your experience, doesn't mean it's wrong. 1. Validate 2. Listen to understand 3. Guard against...

Adoption is beautiful, necessary, and important. It's also hard and often misunderstood. This episode talks about some important ways adoption is misunderstood and how to think about it in a way that might be helpful. Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram

In this episode, we FINALLY talk about attachment, Leah's first love and truly what guides everything she does as a parent and a person. Attachment is a reciprocal relationship between people and begins to develop in utero and continues throughout childhood, but particularly in the first three years of life.  As we respond to our babies in distress, we start to hardwire their thoughts and beliefs about themselves, other people, and the world around them. Over time, our responses to our...

This episode talks about consequences, which usually means punishment and often doesn't address the actual problem or behavior. People use these words interchangeably, but they actually are very different. Many people only know two ways to change or manage behavior: rewards or punishment. We believe that misbehavior is a sign of a need or a missing skill or a desire for connection, which means imposed consequences are not effective in actually fixing any of those problems. Attempting to...

Last week we talked about what zaps our resources, and this week we build on that conversation talking about how to build resources and think of resourcing as a verb. In the therapy world, resourcing someone means we're giving people tools to be able to manage the stress and dysregulation that often comes from stres and trauma. Effectively, we want to do the same thing with our kids, giving them tools to know how to handle the stress they experience, even if we don't understand or agree with...

We all know when our kids are out of resources and can't handle anything. It can be challenging though to know how to respond in those situations. Things that zap our resources: Hunger Fatigue Pain Decision making Heavy effort Punishment Lack of connection It's ok to lower demands and expectations when you see your kids are out of resources. When they're out of resources, we want our kids to learn how to: Recognize what's happening Communicate that to their people Regulate their...

One of the most important skills our kids can learn is problem solving! Lots of research has shown it leads to better academic performance, self-esteem, and social skills. This episode talks through this information and gives ideas for how to develop this skill in our kids. Problem solving comes from the prefrontal cortex, which is the last part of our brain to develop. But when we're in a stress response, that part of our brain is not working as well as it can, making problem solving hard....

In this episode from 2022 Leah  does her own work, in front of everyone. Illustrated by an interaction with her 9-year-old,  she works through her own history and how it impacts her responses to her own children. We often assign very negative intentions, motives, and behaviors to our kids when they are incredibly young, setting the stage to maintain these negative beliefs about them as they age. The messages we got as children seems to determine the negative attributes we assign our kids. ...

This episode talks through how the successes and challenges of our kids say nothing about us as parents, even though many of us feel like it does and let this drive our response and parenting style. We all have different areas that are important to us as parents and that we focus on and struggle to find our worth as a parent. These might include: 1. Sports 2. Academics  3. Clothing 4. Behavior If you find your worth in these areas, then when your kid struggles, you have a higher likelihood...

Is it anger or something else? Parenting anger is so tricky and something we often don't know how to manage or discipline. In this episode we talk through it all. Kids need to learn ways to manage ALL emotions, not just anger. When we single out anger we lose sight of the overarching skill kids need. Anger is almost always a secondary emotion  nd there's something under the surface that's causing us to appear and act angry. When we teach our kids that we always want them to share their...

Today we talk about the ongoing reactions and hard behaviors with Leah's 10-year-old son and she is trying to navigate it and make sense of his behavior and their relationship. Going through challening seasons with our kids can be really challenging, even when we've adopted this new way of parenting and see their behavior through a new, more respectful lens. It's ok to be burnt out and need extra time and support. Our kids are learning new skills and ways of being and that will always be...