My husband, Hunter, and I reflect on the birth of our rainbow baby, Jonas. Admittedly it’s been much more difficult for me to find time to record and edit this podcast while taking care of a newborn full time. We recorded this episode three months ago and I am just now getting it out after finding little pockets of time during naps to record and edit. Though I want to continue to share about my postpartum and parenting after loss experience, new episodes moving forward will be more...

Part two of my conversation with Rachel George focusing on her book “Grieve, Create, Believe: Process Your Loss with Intention and Truth ” and her self-publishing journey. Through several years of experiencing miscarriage, infant loss, adoption, and the recent birth of another baby, Rachel wrote her book, Grieve, Create, Believe as a way to not only process her own grief through telling her story, but also to help others do the same. Rachel’s book acknowledges that we can’t escape suffering...

A conversation that includes Rachel’s story of miscarriage, infant loss, adoption, and the recent birth of another baby. Rachel shares her definition of rainbow baby, which is more complicated because of her experience losing two rainbow babies, Clive and Winnie. Through the unimaginable grief of losing two newborns to unrelated heart issues, Rachel and her husband found the courage to continue to pursue their dream to grow their family through the adoption of their daughter Corrie and...

I’ve faced some big milestones lately in my journey of pregnancy after loss. These have included making it to the same gestational week where my first baby was stillborn, having a baby shower, setting up the nursery, and taking maternity photos. I talk about how I’ve coped with fearful and anxious thoughts and ways that I’ve sought reassurance during these emotionally tender times. -Expressing grief through “mourning time” -Tips for dealing with sleepless nights and anxiety -Emotional ups...

I can’t believe I’m finally entering my third trimester of pregnancy! In this episode I talk about… -managing my expectations and fears -dealing with aches and pains and prioritizing self-care -seeing a chiropractor -planning a drive-by baby shower and building a baby registry -the importance of kick counting -and deciding on a name for our baby — Show Notes: Count the Kicks App Kicks Count rainbow wristband

Hunter and I check in with each other a little over halfway through our current experience of pregnancy after loss. We talk about: -The differences between this pregnancy and our first pregnancy with Ellis -Milestones we’ve experienced so far in pregnancy after loss -Staying present when anticipating “loss date” anniversaries during pregnancy after loss -Fears we still have at this point and feeling comfortable planning for a future with the baby -The impact of COVID-19 on pregnancy and birth...

Week 20 of my current pregnancy…I talk about my mid-pregnancy anatomy scan and questions I had for my perinatal specialist about the topic of sleeping on your side during pregnancy. This was something that had started giving me anxiety as I am getting further along in the pregnancy and I also fretted sleeping on my back had caused Ellis’ stillbirth. The outcome of our conversation gave me much relief and I hope it’s helpful for you, too. I also share some tips for getting good sleep during...

The past two weeks I’ve been away from social media and have instead spent lots of time reading, talking with people in person, praying, and mourning. I’ll never be able to fully understand the atrocities and injustices that Black people experience, but I do know grief. My instinct has been to go into a space of contemplation. We all need time to mourn and to process and internalize what has happened—to be sad, to be angry, to listen, to question, to be still, and to take action. Someone...

This is a very special episode featuring my conversation with Alissa Christensen, who’s baby Anna was stillborn two years ago today—May 20, 2018, the same day as my baby Ellis. She’s the only other loss mom I’ve met who’s baby shares that birthday. It’s also the 20th episode of this podcast, airing on Ellis and Anna’s second birthdays—May 20, 2020. I just love all the synchronicity. Alissa and I originally connected through Instagram after our babies were stillborn on the same day. She...

Because I know that this is often a complicated holiday for mothers who have lost babies. I talk about why I believe that mothers without living children are still mothers and also share how I felt my first Mother’s Day after Ellis was stillborn compared to this Mother's Day, a year later, being pregnant again after loss. I give my advice for supporting yourself or another loss mom on this day and include a short guided meditation for peace at the end. I hope this episode helps warm your...

Jenn Hepton is a certified grief and life coach who has walked through much hardship on her journey to a rainbow baby. After a difficult fertility diagnosis she became pregnant with twins and unfortunately went on to develop severe complications, which ultimately led to the incredibly difficult decision to terminate for medical reasons as recommended by several doctors. In her next pregnancy she and her husband decided to pursue donor eggs to conceive. Devastatingly that pregnancy ended in...

Lots of “firsts” in this episode. I revisit my regular OB for the first time during this pregnancy and also have my first visit with a perinatal specialist. I talk about my first time getting asked the question, “Is this your first baby?,” revisiting the same ultrasound room where I last had a scan with the baby I miscarried a year before, and talking with the specialist about birth plans such as VBAC vs a repeat c-section. — To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on...

A documentation of weeks 8 and 9 of my pregnancy including our weekly ultrasound results and graduating from our fertility clinic. I talk about getting diagnosed with a subchorionic hematoma, how I’ve continued to cope with anxiety related to pregnancy after loss and COVID-19, and my feelings about how pregnancy and the pandemic are being represented in the media right now. — To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates And please share this...

A recap of weeks 4-7 of my pregnancy, which includes cultivating peace and coping with anxiety leading up to our first ultrasound and the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. These first few weeks also included attending the first baby shower I’ve been to since Ellis was stillborn and what that experience was like. I also address some comments people have made about my pregnancy and how I respond to them. I share my tips for managing anxiety and some of the books and resources I’ve been...

A documentation of my two week wait after our second frozen embryo transfer. I talk about what the transfer was like and give a day by day account of my experience leading up to our pregnancy testing. I give my perspective on how I was able to cultivate peace and hope during this time, how to deal with symptom spotting, staying away from google, my experience of pregnancy test anxiety, and more. As a heads up, I do share symptoms I had during my two week wait and also reveal the results of...

Shannon Pike shares honestly and articulately about her relationship to pain, joy, fear, and anxiety after the stillbirth of her first daughter Marie and the miscarriage of her twins, and how she was able to stay present while pregnant with her rainbow baby. Shannon talks about: —her personal definition of a rainbow baby —hope and anxiety when things in life get really hard —the importance of kick counting for every pregnant woman —whether or not to use an at-home doppler during pregnancy...

This episode kicks off season two after I’ve been hibernating for three months during the holiday season and our IVF frozen embryo transfer. I talk about what this season was like for us and what our next step is. I’ll also be responding to listener generated questions this season and in this episode I’m answering a particularly loaded question: “How do you respond to unintentionally rude or unhelpful comments?” In the episode I share some of the most common comments I’ve received and...

This episode tells the story of Jess’ adopted rainbow baby, Shiloh. Jess and her family were called to adoption several years ago, which took them on a long journey of waiting, roadblocks, and heartache. This is another incredible story that exemplifies the power of choosing love.

In this episode Hunter and I talk about our IVF egg retrieval and what it was like to go through the stimulation phase of the our IVF cycle. Over the last 12 days I’ve given myself a total of 56 injections, went to six acupuncture sessions, and had four blood draws, so I’ve felt a little like a voo doo doll. I’m so grateful to say that everything went really smoothly for us and I felt good, physically and emotionally, through the entire process. Listen in to hear how many eggs we had...

This episode is my conversation with Jess Lowry, who’s the family minister at the church where I grew up in San Antonio, Texas. Our stories collided when Jess showed up for me at the hospital the night Ellis was stillborn and ended up baptizing him. Since then, Jess and I’ve developed a deep friendship as she began to share her own story of pregnancy loss with me, which includes seven miscarriages, the stillbirth of her first rainbow baby Ava, and three more rainbow babies, including an...

We’ve got big news on our rainbow baby journey…we’re starting IVF (In Vitro Fertilization)! And for the first time, my husband Hunter is on the podcast!

Choosing to love “with both feet in” is how father, husband, and photographer Devin Travieso chose to approach pregnancy after loss following two miscarriages. Devin has two daughters, including his rainbow baby, Charis, and has learned that vulnerability and presence are necessary to fully experience love. 

In this episode I give an update on our journey trying to conceive. I talk about our first visit to the fertility clinic and our next steps after multiple chemical pregnancies, a miscarriage, and a stillbirth. I learned a lot through this experience and I hope you do too.

Artist Sarah Fox has made poignantly beautiful work during and after her three miscarriages and continues to make art about her adopted rainbow baby, William.