• How much y’all reckon it would cost to just buy a football program outright? • Short on new can’t-miss business ideas this week, but almost positive we’re the first media outlet to suggest militarizing rodeo clowns • Who are you, “officer," to tell us we “cannot” jetski through the Suez Canal • Ryan invents a game that reveals just how easy Spencer would be to steal from • There are manatee noises! It’s not cute!!