What better time of year to entertain your friends and throw a mesmerizing Fall fête than the week after we turn back those George Nelson Mid-century Modern clocks! Welcome your guests with an eye-catching and sphincter-tensing tablescape of such vibrant autumnal colors that they stop, gag, and immediately make plans to burn that oh-so-boring-2022 gourd centerpiece that's been adorning their dining room table since All Hallow's Eve. This Fall, bring out those jade chargers that perfectly...

If you're into listening to German Vaporwave while crying about the mean things Brad said in a note to your best friend Allison in Biology class as you sit in the backseat of your Aunt Marilyn's 1992 Buick LeSabre on the way to the dental hygienist who vaguely resembles Bea Arthur, all the while thinking about that really good pizza bagel you had for lunch as a piece of pepperoni becomes dislodged from your braces, then this week's episode is 100% for you. Enjoy. Start all your shopping trips...

As we reach the zenith of Spooky Season tonight, we must keep you apprised of a new horror recently birthed unto the world. It is an abomination so anathema to all that is good and pure in the world, that we suggest you lock your doors, turn out the lights, and hide under the covers this Hallow's Eve. Beware, for there is nothing more frightening, more hair-raising, or more utterly nightmarish than that of a TikTok Carrot Hot Dog. Oh, the humanity... Start building your credit up. Open a...

We here at BALD, LLC would like to extend our deepest sympathies for the pitiful state of your pelvic floor. Just as maintenance of our sphincters is always in the front of our minds, so too should be the functional, sensual, and magical properties of your downstairs foof. As such, we wholeheartedly endorse the regular application of our signature pink yoni eggs for the health, wealth, and overall state of your being. Start building your credit up. Open a Chime Checking account with at least...

This single-origin, unapologetically bold (and bald) podcast goes down smooth with white chocolate undertones and lusciously complex flavors. Brimming with a rich, full piquant finish, your morning routine will be the perfect start to a dark journey through the wonderland that is Trixie and Katya's grey matter. Pairs beautifully with morning wood, your derrière, and a thick, milky bowl of steel-cut oats drenched in honey from the island of Dr. Moreau. Check out SquareSpace.com for a free...

If you count yourself amongst the lucky few who have attended a live theater performance, you fully understand that tingly feeling you get inside as the lights dim and the curtain goes up. That beautiful moment of silent anticipation before the actors appear onstage and the performance begins. Live theatre is spellbinding. Live theatre is pure magic. But most of all, live theatre is the perfect place to do hand and boob stuff on a first date. Start shopping at https://Rakuten.com or get the...

As the great 19th century poet Silas T. Shinckenpoople once said, "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to both love and be loved? That is everything. Actually. May you please excuse me for a moment? Matilda! My weekly package at the apothecary is ready for you to pick up! If I don't administer our morphine suppositories by 5pm, you won't be ready for your 9pm Laudanum tincture in your mint julep! And if you miss both, my dear, your female hysteria may return and our passionate...

Everyone's favorite human Brittany Broski joins Trixie for a heart-to-heart about irrational fears of yetis, the natural beauty of Marty Feldman, and in-depth reviews of every roller coaster in Southern California. Follow Brittany: @Brittany_Broski Watch Broski's Royal Court: https://www.youtube.com/@Brittany_Broski Start building your credit up. Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit. To get started head to Chime.com/BALD or click this link:...

Comedian, writer, actor, and host of the podcast Just Sayin', Justin Martindale, joins Trixie for an extraordinarily engaging chat about the perils of covid car comedy, serving Kim Kardashian a valley latte, and preventing a significant portion of West Hollywood from falling deeply in love in a steam room. Follow Justin: @JustinMartindale Listen to Just Sayin' with Justin Martindale: https://link.chtbl.com/YeU4e0Qz Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch,...

Welcome to southern California's best-kept gay amusement park secret, Bald Mountain. Please keep your hands, arms, legs, and other anatomical protrusions inside the ride at all times. Keep your safety harness tightly fastened, and please remember that severely unflattering flash photography is strictly forbidden. Lastly, please remember that when you signed that legal waiver upon entry to the park, you've released us of all liability in the event of your grisly and untimely death. Enjoy the...

Hi Scott. Thanks so much for coming into the office today. Would you mind sitting down? Great. It's rather hot in here, don't you think, Scott? That shirt you're wearing looks awfully thick and warm. Wouldn't you be more comfortable if you took it off? Perfect. Now isn't that better, Scott? Come to think of it, we're a bit warm, too. Shall we all take our shirts off, Scott? Yes? Excellent. To get the #1 meal kit for eating well, head to https://www.GreenChef.com/60BALD and use code 60BALD to...

If you've been waiting with bated breath for Part 2 of the epically excellent interview with Australia's best export Courtney Act, you can finally breathe again. Here is part 2 of their fabulous conversation about the evolving definition of femininity, the marvels of meditation, and the exorbitant number of downsides of widespread child literacy. Start building your credit up. Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit to get started. Head to:...

Katya welcomes the ever-so-engaging Courtney Act to the pod for part 1 of a lengthy conversation about the beauty of braces, the positivity of pool-dancing, and the innate silliness of the gender binary. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Get Factor and enjoy eating well without the hassle! Head to https://www.FactorMeals.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 to get 50% off! Start shopping...

As you slowly open your eyes to face yet another day in this wild, godforsaken world of ours, please remember to take good care of the 7 disks of spinning energy that reside within your spine. Whether it's the Crown, Third Eye, Throat, Heart, Solar Plexus, Sacral, or Root, your chakra can help you stay open, aligned, and most importantly: #GRATEFUL. Yes, Deborah...this Bald & Beautiful message of peace, chai, and love even includes you. Start shopping at https://www.Rakuten.com or get the...

You and a companion will enjoy an opulent round-trip coach flight to sunny Los Angeles, featuring spacious seating and a delectable in-flight dining experience from Spirit Airlines! Once you arrive in Tinseltown, you'll stay 3 nights and 4 days in a mildly haunted bungalow at the world-infamous Shateau Marmont, the slightly odorous sister hotel to the Chateau Marmont. Located in an industrial area bordering Van Nuys and North Hollywood, you'll awake every morning to water-stained popcorn...

In this corner, wearing pink, weighing in at a stunning 62 lbs, the reigning BYOB World Featherweight Cosmetics Mogul Champion, the undefeated Skinny Legend, TRIXIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And in this corner, wearing faded Soviet Bloc vermilion, weighing in at a staggering 278 lbs, the EWWW Eastern Massachusetts Participant Trophy Winner, the "mostly" defeated 2009 Cillian Murphy Lookalike Contest 4th Runner-Up, the Slavic Siren, KATYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your credit’s a big deal. So build yours...

Dynamic microphones are constructed with small magnets that oscillate inside a metal coil attached to the diaphragm. When a sound wave causes the diaphragm of the microphone to vibrate, the relative motion of the magnet and coil creates an electrical signal by magnetic induction. From this magical, fantastical process, we arrive at the auditory eargasm that is The Bald and the Beautiful. Need we say more? We need not. Check out https://Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready...

Please consult your doctor before listening to this podcast. Common side effects of The Bald and the Beautiful include nausea, stomach pain, diarrhea, vomiting, superfluous third nipples, increased viewings of Ken Burns documentaries, compulsive tax preparation, and a deep yearning for golden showers. Remember: Higher quality ingredients mean a healthier and happier life for your kitty. So, head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS...

The midnight hour is close at hand. A lonely ghoul looks out across the land. It's the typical scene with the usual suspects. Frightening creatures roaming around in search of sex. Tonight, it's a veritable smorgasbord of glorious smut. Don't delay, as it's time to prepare and place that bejeweled item directly in your butt. Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This...

While it's a scientifically-proven fact that humans require food, water, air, and shelter to survive, it is not yet widely known that straight men also require eggnog post-coitus in order to continue existing in this wild world of ours. So this summer, please don't bring a six-pack of beer to your neighbor's barbecue. Instead, tell him that you value his post-intercourse survival and bring him several cartons of refreshing, summery eggnog. His life may just depend upon it. Follow Trixie:...

One day, in a not-so-distant future hellscape utterly ravaged by water wars and interstate battles over depleted natural resources, there will come a time when a person's sexual preference is so low on the list of things to care about that we will all be queer. Start building your credit up. Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit. To get started, head to https://Chime.com/BALD This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Find more balance, with BetterHelp!...

As part of Pride, we'd like to remind everyone about the 4 P's for bottoming: Practice, Preparation, Protect, and Pray: Practice on weeknights, at lunchtime, or even during your commute. Prepare by using an enormous amount of lube from that economy size bucket you purchased for the April 2020 orgy that never happened. Protect by always wearing a prophylactic, even if it's one that was thrown at you during a Pride parade. And lastly, pray to the pagan god of bottoming Assilopochtli, for they...

We are so excited for you to shop our Trixie and Katya Curated Collections on Etsy! Visit https://etsy.me/trixieandkatya to see all our favorite items! New to Etsy? Use code BALD10 for 10% off your first purchase. Maximum discount value of $50. Offer ends June 30, 2023. See terms at https://etsy.com/terms for more details. Valid only for US customers. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to...

It's that special time of the year, so unfurl your flag, secure your sex swing to a weight-bearing ceiling stud, and prepare your vocal cords to sing the absolute hell out of the body electric. It's Pride, bitches! From all of us here at the underground desert Bald bunker, we wish you and yours the hap-hap-happiest of Prides. To try America's #1 Meal Kit, go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD60 and use code BALD60 to get 60% off plus free shipping! Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and...

The kids are finally in bed, the dishes have been washed, the clothes have been folded, and the dog has been walked. It's finally time to pour yourself a nice glass of chilled sparkling rosé, open up TikTok, and settle into that comfy little nook on the sofa to be magically whisked away to a world of Costco fights, misbehaving Karens, and dash-cam car crashes. Enjoy yourself, girl. You've earned it. Angi has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your home...