Relationships have become more challenging for many people. In this episode, Bernhard and Laura share five fundamental ways to improve all your relationships. They discuss the necessity for Animus/Anima integration, how healing from developmental trauma is key to healthy relationships, and the biologically-based core needs that are essential to our physical and emotional well-being to thrive in life and relationships. Furthermore, they provide practical tips and reflective questions to help you create and attract better relationships. Show Notes Part 1: * Learning the art of listening and communication skills * The trap of overly isolating yourself and denial of the need for a relationship * 3 parts to work on: each individual on themselves and the relationship * There’s a difference between unfulfilled childhood needs we try to get met from our partner as opposed to healthy adult needs * Attachment styles, self-awareness * Differentiation, vulnerability, taking responsibility * The 5 A’s - and how this teaches you how to be more mature in relationships * Attention/acceptance/appreciation/affection/allowing - begin as needs to be fulfilled by our parents and then become needs fulfilled by our partners and become gifts we give to others in the world * Attention = attunement. We cannot attune if we assume certain feelings; we need to be neutral and mindful; it requires genuine interest and curiosity. * Don’t be furious; be curious * Acceptance: you’re embraced as worthy, and you approve and validate the person - not trying to change your partner in something you want. It validates someone even if you do not agree. * Appreciation: gives depth to acceptance; you admire, respect, and appreciate the person as unique. We need this for self-worth and confidence. Appreciation and gratitude go hand in hand - daily double * The ratio of appreciation to a complaint in couples that stay together is 5 -1 * Beneath every complaint is a lack of the 5 A’s * Affection is loving touch, physical touch, and embrace. Compassion is a form of affection * Allowing: allowing the other person to be themselves, non-controlling In Part 2 (only for members) we go deeper into: * Anima/Animus projections and how it determines who we attract and are attracted to * The alchemical marriage of the inner male and female * The four stages of Anima/Animus projections and integration * Developmental Trauma and how it affects our relationships * Type 1 single-incident traumas, what we refer to as shock trauma * Type 2 prolonged, interpersonal traumas, what we refer to as complex trauma C-PTSD * Complex trauma results from chronic, long-term exposure to relational and emotional trauma in which an individual has little or no control * Relational and emotional trauma leads to profound changes in neurological development and functioning, which causes significant problems in a person’s life * C-PTSD is being used as a catch-all for both ongoing interpersonal trauma for children and adults and the impacts of childhood trauma on adults * Relational Model(NARM) recognizes five biologically based core needs that are essential to our physical and emotional well-being: the need for connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love-sexuality * These patterns of survival adaptation were created as a way to resolve the core dilemma. They are based on a foreclosing of one’s authentic Self to protect against attachment loss, which is experienced as the loss of love in the universe.