Instead of willing myself to love something that I simply do not, what if I was honest in my self-loathing? What might I be compelled to change if I did not feel morally bound to positivity? Read the full, pictured essay, sign up for the newsletter, and grab bonus materials at ismatu.substack.com Jazz Songs of the episode: Love, I’ve Found You by Wynton Kelly Warm Valley by Johnny Hodges Nancy (With The Laughing Face) by John Coltrane Quartet In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning by Wynton Marsalis Concerto for Trumpet, 2 Oboes, Strings and Continuo in D Major: II. Largo by Johann Friedrich Fasch et. al Someone to Watch over Me by Marcus Robert I Heard You Cried Last Night by Phil Woods, Vic Juris Autumn in New York by The Modern Jazz Quartet This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe