Hi. Hey. Bet you thought you'd seen the last of us, huh? Don't be discouraged by the short timestamp - I don't want to spoil the surprise, but we've got a big announcement for y'all... 

Welcome back listeners! John Green’s manic pixie dream girl fantasies continue this week as Quintin tries to track down his childhood best friend Margo, who may or may not be entirely made of paper (gross). Featuring philosophical cops, tips for breaking and entering, and the Fiery Rage of Veet. TW: Brief mentions of suicide. If you like The Worst Thing We Read, help us grow by spreading the word! You can support us by leaving a 5-star review on Apple iTunes. Follow us on Instagram...

Welcome back everyone! This week, Evie is ready to take on the supernatural world with her pink bedazzled taser and her stiletto boots. The only thing she isn’t prepared for is Lend: the slippery paranormal boy who slides his way into Evie’s heart (and her surrogate mother’s skin). Featuring vampire slander, copyright questions, and some very questionable fairy management. (Seriously, everyone should be way more concerned about the fairies.) CW: Death Thank you to anyone who donated to...

SEQUEL EPISODE: (5, 11, 17, 23, 29, 35) Better late than never? Welcome back to our longest running series to date, listeners. We’ve got fairies, we’ve got ghost children, we’ve got... really, really terrible accents. Zoey’s spirit is shattered, the Italy gang has a lot of thoughts on Barbies, and Stevie Rae is really getting into birds. CW: Murder, graphic violence Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send us your receipts in...

Come along, listeners, as we solve the mystery of Jack the Ripper (and encounter the best ending to a book we’ve found thus far on the podcast)! Girlboss Audrey Rose is not afraid of dead bodies, serial killers, or hot guys who frequently mention drinking blood. Featuring some red flags to look for if you think your boyfriend might be a murderer/vampire/a*****e, questionable comebacks, and the ghost of BBC Sherlock. CW: Murder, graphic violence Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives...

SEQUEL EPISODE: (33) This book might not answer our biggest questions, like “What even is sorting,” or “Is Cassia a half-robot,” but it’s chock full of… other stuff. Like the reinvention of therapy, and a list of people who might be the Pilot. Spoiler alert: everyone is on that list. Including you. Congratulations, you’re now leading a rebellion against the robot government that tried to eradicate cancer by killing off all the sopranos. Good luck. CW: Death Thank you to anyone who donated...

Listeners, if you’ve been with us since the beginning, you know how near and dear the Selection series is to us. But what about the book that started it all? Kahlen is half Little Mermaid, half Criminal Minds bad guy, and all she wants is a break from her terrible, horrible life as a perfect immortal sea goddess. Enter Akinley, a teenage boy who likes baking and arson. Featuring: moral conundrums, bad ways to test if your girlfriend is indestructible, and how to get out of terrible...

The worst book of all worst books has entered the ring, listeners! If you haven’t heard Savanah complaining about The Notebook, you might be new around here. To summarize, we’ve got toxic love tropes, old people sex, and the incredible, incredible hubris of N*cholas Sp*rks. Plus, sexy abstract painting and how to know when it’s time to let go of that guy you dated for two months in middle school. CW: Death Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s...

SEQUEL EPISODE: (6, 12, 18, 24, 30) Harry Potter who? In this final installment to one of our OG series, Juliette the horcrux and her evil mermaid sister attempt to save the day with The Power of Algorithms. Also included: fun interior design tips, evil bakers, and Warner’s strip tease of love. CW: Murder, violence, gore, body horror, brief references to sexual assault and child abuse Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send...

SEQUEL EPISODE: (5, 11, 17, 23, 29) Dearest listeners- thank you for your patience. Like 2021, we’re coming out swinging, and we’re so excited to share this year’s lineup with you! This week we return to your favorite sexy vampire school, where Zoey discovers the feng shui of Jesus, high literature Doctor Suess, and the sixth element: guns. Also, birdophilia takes on a new meaning, and we debate appropriate emotional support songs to sing when you’re cleaning up the trail of blood that leads...

For all you listeners who survived Friday the 13th: welcome back! Bundle up, grab something warm to drink, and join us for a love story made of mutual stalking and uncomfortable email threads. Also includes: shoulder biting with strangers AND free tickets to the Singles Garden! TW: Stalking, brief references to domestic abuse and eating disorders Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send us your receipts in exchange for our...

Matched has been our most-requested episode to date, dear listeners: ask and you shall receive! Cassia has a mind like a steel trap and a penchant for following the rules. When an unanticipated love triangle disrupts her perfect dystopian life in Communist Utah, who will she choose? Xander, who likes Games, or Kai, who has eyes like everything bagels?  TW: None Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send us your receipts in...

SEQUEL: (Connected eps 2, 7, 14, 26) Welcome, Selection Nation, to the shocking conclusion of a series very near and dear to us. Don’t fear your hearts, listeners. Follow them. Let them inspire you to commit treason. (Just... so much treason.) Who’s ready for risky business in the palace? TW: Brief reference to child abuse Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send us your receipts in exchange for our buckwild vampire bonus...

SEQUEL(?): (Connected eps 1, 8, 13, 19) A bit of a longer episode this week for our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Woot woot! As you may know, our pal Steph has graced us with 658 pages of new (?) content, and we didn’t want to leave out anything important. Join us for this fun experiment in character assassination and angsty inner dialogue as Edward Melodramatic Cullen answers questions you never knew you had. TW: Brief reference to sexual assault, violence Thank you to anyone who donated to Black...

SEQUEL: (Previous eps 6, 12, 18, 24)  Welcome back listeners! Have you been on the edge of your seat agonizing over the fate of Injured Brendan?! No? ...Who’s that, you say? It’s okay, we weren’t sure either. But this is a book of answers, so prepare yourselves for the biggest opening flex EVER, really creepy telepathic mermaids, and a love story that transcends time. (Seriously, please make it stop.) TW: Child abuse, murder, graphic violence Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives...

SEQUEL EP: (See 5, 11, 17, 23) Welcome listeners, to the horniest season of The Bachelor... no, wait, wrong series. This week in the House of Night: Kaitlyn sings a cursed song, nobody is a lesbian, and yeah maybe Zoey killed a man, but at least we’ve got Project Runway to keep us on the straight and narrow. Featuring surprise poetry and ravens who f**k. (TW: Sexual assault, racism.) Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send us...

Poetry. It moves us, it confuses us, and it reminds us that we should always check books for sexually explicit content before gifting them to children. This week we discuss Savanah's longtime nemesis (this book), Kaitlyn's publishing prowess, and a love poem gone wrong. Drama! Intrigue! Pawning your stalker off on your childhood friend! This episode has it all.  TW: Brief references to sexual assault.  Thank you to anyone who donated to BLM or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to...

Welcome back listeners! Kaitlyn and Savanah take a deep dive into the world of Tumblr, nostalgic CW shows, and their favorite fandoms. All the while, our main character Claire writes fanfiction with the dedication of an escalating serial killer. TW: Referenced homophobia, public outing. Thank you to anyone who donated to BLM or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send us your receipts in exchange for our buckwild vampire bonus episode. If you like The Worst Thing We Read, help us grow...

SEQUEL: (Previous eps 2, 7, 14) Welcome back Dystopian Bachelor Nation! In a shocking turn of events, Chris Evans will be your host this episode! He’ll be accompanying our most unlikeable protagonist yet (which is saying something) on her journey to find… well, a sense of humanity, hopefully. Featuring angry asparagus, the problem with musicians, and creepy things to say on dating apps. TW: Reference to sexual assault Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride...

From the hellscape that brought you Cursed Child, we present: Sexist High Schoolers Wear Red Lipstick and Steal From Charity. This book pulls out ALL THE TROPES, and is… surprisingly lackluster? See if you can catch Kaitlyn’s epic math fail, because we sure didn’t! And stay tuned for the after-show notes to weigh in on gay urn-ing: no, that’s not a spelling error. TW: Sexism, reference to sexual assault Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never...

SEQUEL: (Previous eps. 6, 12, 18) The nonsensical dystopian government to end all dystopias. Welcome back, y’all! This week family secrets are revealed, Juliette gets The Big Mad, and Warner's in the abyss dissolving in the acid of his own emotion. Why use diplomacy when you’ve got murder skin? TW: Violence, anxiety, depression, references to suicide, references to child abuse Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send us your...

SEQUEL: Welcome back listeners! What shenanigans have Gay Damien, Zoey, and her three boyfriends gotten up to now? Spoiler alert- it involves nuns, sexy murders, and Savanah’s fourth least favorite thing: birdophilia. Tune in for some truly wild mythology and some truly creepy monsters. TW: Referenced sexual assault, violent death scenes Thank you to anyone who donated to Black Lives Matter or Pride organizations! It’s never too late to send us your receipts in exchange for our buckwild...

Hey y'all. In light of Pride month and the recent protests, we're doing things a bit differently this week. Donate any amount to an organization supporting racial justice or the LGBTQ+ community for a special bonus episode! The link below will take you to a secure website where your donation will be split between multiple community bail funds, racial justice organizers, and aid for LGBTQ+ individuals of color. Or choose an organization of your own! Just email us your receipt at...

SEQUEL: Hello fellow clowns, we’re finishing off the Caraval series with some wild reveals that will make us question everything we thought we knew. This week, Kaitlyn reveals her knowledge of sexy French words, Savanah shares some really uncomfortable Science, and we discuss the cons of sentient clothing. If you like The Worst Thing We Read, help us grow by spreading the word! You can support us by leaving a 5-star review on Apple iTunes. Follow us on Instagram @worstthingweread, Twitter...