Grandma is old. So when she causes an accident at the dinner table with her obnoxious family, the first thing the family thinks to do is ship her off to a retirement home. Before she goes, however, the family wants to make the next week good for her so they decide to throw her a party at which she makes a wish. Will she end up being carted away to the old folks home or will her wish play into her fate?Join Velina and Zach as they try to survive this episode’s constant barrage of yelling and...

Bigelow wakes on any normal day and goes through his normal routine: Drink some coffee and light up a cigarette. Except, he discovers that he is living in a recreation of his house and the windows and doors are all barred shut. Then a man appears on the television screen and tells Bigalow that he signed up for an addiction curing program and this is all a part of it. The man on the screen tells him that he must give up smoking or face the consequences. Bigelow then learns the hard way what...

Cruel businessman Carl is referred to a dry cleaner that can wash away sins. The dry cleaner Chow Ting gives him a list of strict rules that he cannot break if he wants his service. When Carl agrees, he starts to ramp up his cutthroat tactics for his corporation and his dirty laundry. However, Chow Ting is starting to ghost him and stops picking up his laundry. Will Carl be able to get his guilt washed away or Is there something more valuable than money that Chow Ting wants?Join Velina and...

When Frank and his friend Ernie arrive at the dumpy carnival they took a 75 mile road trip to get to, he finally gets to see the great Karma, a magician he admired for his wireless levitation trick. However, when he sees that the magician doesn’t end up doing his famous trick, Frank throws a fit to get what he wants. Will he get the magician to perform his once-famous trick or will this situation get slightly out of hand? Join Velina and Zach for the first of the final 5 episodes of the...

When gubernatorial candidate Bo Gumbs pays a visit to a small town for his campaign, he gives a speech to the bellhop about how politics is nothing but a big show, a game of entertainment for entertainment’s sake. Strangely, Bo begins to notice some funny things happening to him. He gets a clown suit from the cleaners instead of his normal suit, he hears a street organ outside his room, and other circus-related nonsense starts to happen. Is Bo Gumbs hitting the bottle a little too hard, or...

When a young woman and her elderly husband invite their mutual friend over for some unnamed business, they decide to whip out the ol’ Ouijia board to have a chat with the resident ghost. The ghost points them to a mysterious, sealed-away room in their house that was the place that drove whoever resided there to insanity. What will they find once they enter the madness room? Is it just a story, or does this story have more truth to it than they could have ever anticipated? Join Velina and...

Prudence has the relentless tendency to cry at even the slightest provocation, but when she meets a mysterious, good-looking stranger who seeks to pay her to collect her tears, she decides to go for it. She soon realizes that she is not only giving him her tears, she may also be giving him her heart. Will she fall for the mysterious tear collector, or is there something more to this man than meets the (misty) eye?Join Velina and Zach in kicking up the waterworks as they discuss why this...

When an English actress is trying to get some sleep before her commercial shoot the next morning, she is kept up by the sound of a phone relentlessly ringing in the apartment next door. However, she soon discovers that the apartment next door has been vacant for the last few months. So who was receiving the calls, and more alarmingly, who was slamming into the walls in the room next door?Join Velina and Zach as they make an example out of this episode as what not to do for an episode of...

When a Satan-worshipping school teacher uses the dark arts to win the lottery, he mouths off to his supervisor and quits his job in anticipation of the victory. When he discovers that not only did he lose the lottery by one number, some random hair stylist won in his place, he decides to break into her business and steal it from her. However, things get tricky once she discovers him and even more so when he discovers her dark secret. A secret that proves that he might have bitten off far more...

Old married couple Henry and Eleanor are planning their upcoming anniversary dinner when a girl without a place of her own ends up staying with them for a couple days. Will this mysterious girl ruin their plans for a wonderful dinner for two or is she perhaps the missing piece that would make their anniversary dinner truly special? Join Velina and Zach for dinner as we sink our teeth into one of our favorite episodes and savor how deliciously written this episode is. So grab some pool-snacks...

Madame Katrina was your typical run-of-the-mill hack tarot card reader, reading tarot cards and giving people the fortunes that they wanted to hear. That all changes when one of her customers mysteriously bows out of a fortune reading and leaves her with a new set of tarot cards. A set of cards that make evil predictions, predictions that always come true. So she sets out to discover who swapped out her cards and how to get rid of them before something dreadful happens to her.Join Velina and...

When a failing script writer is failing to sell his scripts, his answering machine takes on a life of its own and begins ruining the script-writer’s life. Why? How? What does alternate universes have to do with this? How do they have anything to do with anything? These questions and many more on this exciting episode of All a Clone by the Telephone! Join Velina and Zach in their conjoined aneurysm as they try to survive this horrible episode that is so confused about what it is supposed to...

When Danny talks about how he ended up in the insane asylum, he tells the examiner the story of how he and his wife found a magical genie in a magical lamp they bought  from a magical shopkeeper in a magical tent that magically appears in a magical parking lot. Once they decide to fix their financial problems by using the genie, they discover that the genie has different plans in store for them, plans to make their lives a waking nightmare. Join Velina and Zach as they go into this...

When Jodie and Ma Tolliver are saying a prayer for his recently deceased grandpa over the breakfast table, they get the shock of their lives when grandpa decides to join them. Ma tells Jodie that his grandfather is, in fact, deceased but the old man is just too dang stubborn to realize it. So Jodie and Ma try to figure out a way to convince grandpa that he's a goner despite the obvious signs of his decomposition. Will they be able to convince him he's dead, or will Jodie have to do something...

Stephen King stand-in #1408 inherits a word processor that was scratch-built by his recently deceased nephew. Against the nonsensical warnings of an old man, he takes it for a spin and discovers that everything he types into the word processor becomes real. How will he use this newfound power? Will he use it responsibly? Or will he use for- oh who are we kidding, of course he uses it irresponsibly. But how far will he go and will his henpecking wife and obnoxious son make it out of...

Gail is a college student desperate for a room to rent, so she finds a cheap room in the large house of the dean, Dr. Fenner. She finds her room to be perfect for her needs and moves right in, though there seems to be something off about a small locked closet across from her bed, and Gail is starting to believe that something awful is lurking just behind the door. And it doesn’t want her there anymore... Join Velina and Zach in their rented room like how something joins our main character in...

Nothing seems to be going right for Richard Hall. He lost his birth certificate, his job because his employer loses his only portfolio, and wasn't even invited to his high school reunion. It's almost like he never existed. Crazy, right? But what if that were true? He certainly is starting to believe it, but is there even anything he can do to stop it? Can his wife and best friend help him before it's too late? Join Velina and Zach in their non-existential crisis as they slip and slide right...

Youngster Pookie is enjoying a normal summer day when her twin Mookie passes away before finishing a program on his computer. Before he goes, he makes Pookie promise that she will finish his work when he dies. She keeps her promise and discovers something incredible: Mookie is in the network and her work can help him live on through the computer. But will she be able to save her brother and convince her parents that Mookie is in the computer before they sell it to the guy from work? Or is it...

Tommy Vale is an honest bookie who never turned down a bet. That is, until a mysterious man appears in the bar and begins making bets with the odds always against him. However, he never loses his bets, no matter the odds. Is this mysterious stranger out to bankrupt Tommy Vale with his relentless luck? Or is there something more sinister behind his motives? Something...more deadly?   Velina and Zach's brains dribble out in the heat as they try to recite what happens in this exciting episode of...

When unintentional man of mystery Harvey Turman is struck down with backpain, he discovers from his doctor that there is no physical cause for his debilitating spinal pain, but the doctor has a cure for what ails him: a good ol' fashioned healthy dosage of murder for Harvey's relentless henpecking wife, Nadine. Harvey is, of course, mildly shocked by this revelation, but will Harvey go through with the doctor's arrangement to have the Mrs. taken out? How will he react? Probably not well...

Multi-millionaire Jack is offered by fellow heartless businessman and associate Duncan one million dollars for his soul. Easy money for someone who thrives off of other people's misery, right? However Jack gets cold feet upon Duncan's offer. Are souls even real? Why would Duncan want one if he doesn't believe in them? Does Jack really have a soul worth buying? Or does Duncan have something dastardly planned with Jack's one and only soul?  Join Velina and Zach as they take a spirited little...

When a recovering alcoholic Alan Coombs is working his job at a real estate office, his life gets turned around when a young boy by the name of Jerry claims to be his son, but Alan knows that he has no son named Jerry. Worst of all, his family also believe that Jerry is theirs too. He keeps telling them that they don't have a son named Jerry, and the family begins to think that Alan is succumbing to his alcoholism again. Is Alan going insane? Is Jerry some kind of monster bent on ruining...

When an old miser, Gideon Hackles has his entire town in debt to him, he offers them a method of salvation on Halloween every year: Send their kids into his house of horrors to find the IOUs and free their town from debt. But unbeknownst to ol' Gideon this Halloween is going to be the most horrifying of all. And this time: the terror is not aimed at the innocent. Tune in for this exciting first episode of This House Was Never Meant To Be A Podcast as Velina and Zach delve into the pilot...