It’s a shorty but a goody. A prequel, if you will. Hazen, the embodiment of Link from The Legend of Zelda, and Erika, the devil—as some surely envision her, are back. With a hasty cup of tea. We’re reuniting in a week and will provide all the thoughts we had after we ended this recording, with the addition of special guests!

Our entire lives are spent coming up with subpar drag names for ourselves—we can never have enough identities. This week, experience Mr. Ring as Erika did, and Hazen as he shares the dangers of being a mail man. Happy International Bear Convergence! (Also if you’re a skinny white boy in southern Utah, we talk shit on you here. xo)

Listen to what Hazen got Erika’s little sister and brother into over a weekend in Palm Springs, how Hazen served an unassuming Craigslist woman more than just tea, and Erika complain.

Erika shares some TMI couple’s advice, while Hazen takes notes. Apparently Canadian’s don’t believe in a tick (Erika actively gagged upon googling when a picture of a tick popped up) related disease? Hazen said so, so it must be fact. Don’t fault us for not knowing anything—we’re hot.

Hazen is back in Utah! For the day. Erika demonstrates what petty vengeance is to a family member who previously struggled with the definition of it (she has 3 immediate family members blocked at the time of this message), and both of the blondes apologize to Edgar.

Or whatever. What’s up bitches, we’re back, again, once more, today, with an episode. Consider it our re-re-entry into podcasting. Hot girl summer was giving winter downies this year with temperatures from hell thanks to global warming, so that’s what we’re blaming our absence on. But stfu because here’s an episode, a shit one because Erika couldn’t figure out how to connect her laptop to wifi (bitch wtf), but an episode nonetheless. Erika has since reconnected her Lenovo to the internet.

hello season 3! Thank you for surviving this long after we took a hot break, but we’re back ya boobs. Today Hazen shares his exclusive estate sale endeavours, and Erika is still grim. Enjoy! xx

As titled, this is a hazardly Hazen episode and we are thriving vicariously thru his antics. Featuring Kasey today! Tune in for an update on the movement we started at Ol*ve G*arden, why Hazen needs to lower his standards, and which doormats give Erika nightmares.

This week, a recovering Hazen and a namaste Erika tackle an old foe (who never showed up to fight), covered why str8 men are not long for this world, and discussed the world’s most heinous professor. Do tune in. Remember to rate and review! Follow us on instagram: @2b1b.pod

No holds barred, the team is introducing a new segment that’s already Erika’s favorite: Rewind and Roast. As a reformed bully, she’s ready to redirect to wreck the deserving troglodytes and ravage their egos. Hazen dishes on his one drag appearance, and mentally prepares to gather content from Coachella invading his home.

Concluding the results of the polls re: things people grew up believing in the Mormon church. As always, topped off with our Trauma or Treasure segment!

Exactly what the title says, sorry. But also a top tier episode if you’re fascinated by the weird things some mormons believe/teach. Also listen about Erika’s ex, Hazen’s churchy experience, and the ironic reasons why some men wouldn’t take birth control.

Surprise special guest! He speaks on his life in the navy (barf but we love him), and compares notes between Vegas/California proms vs. Hazen’s Utah promenades. Trigger warning: flesh pedestrians; google it if you don’t know but apparently don’t say it out loud! Also, both blondes single-handedly fight the sticker war on gas pumps. Follow us on instagram: 2b1b.pod

Introducing our new segment: Trauma or Treasure! You can guess what that’s about. We also break down how the algorithms work—are our phones listening to us?! And some work anecdotes! The dramaaa.

If you don’t know what it is, get ready to find out. Also, listen to part of the reason why Erika quit her ridiculous job and now chooses the life of worklessness.

Learn what that word means, what a current senator says about women, and how to shut down an invasive Irene. (Hazen literally fell asleep recording this episode.)

Hazen is a sickly sand crab in Mexico and Erika dives into some Canadian ragrets.

Erika quit her hellscape job! 10/10 recommend just leaving a note and blocking your boss. Hazen is an NFT gal.

Back to spill some workplace happenings and educate the fans on Utah-based religious Virginity clauses.

Decide if Erika has a roommate or if she’s just unmedicated, while Hazen’s husband becomes a swamp witch—I mean movie star.

Tune in for our first attempt at long-distance podding and the tea on Hazen’s clientele.

SEASON 2 TWEEDLE DICKS. We’re back, we’re angry, we’re confused. It’s fine and Utah is still as fun as a dog’s unexpressed anal gland. You’ll get it I promise.

Erika and Hazen rejoin the podcast life to bring their loyal listeners some reality checks (or reminders to dish out the reality checks to local yocals). #babymodel and drone daddies.

Recently re-obsessed with Pokémon GO (make sure to add us—trainer codes on our Instagram @2blondes1brain.pod), Hazen and Erika camp next to another construction site to yell about Dr. Seuss, white men, and Hazen’s middle name. And other things.