This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to step back from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to leave  the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries. Stepping back? How to Leave in a Psychologically Healthy Way If you choose to leave and want to protect...

Listen as I chat with Alyssa and answer the question “How do I heal from a patriarchal marriage and let go of resentment I’m carrying towards the LDS Church?” Alyssa and her husband reevaluated the lessons they were taught about marriage and have worked to move toward a partnership model. She feels angry when she thinks about the time she lost living in a patriarchal marriage and sad when she thinks about her past self who didn’t feel empowered. I invite Alyssa to allow herself to feel the...

In this podcast episode I sit down with Mallory and answer the question “How do I pursue a high-powered career and still show up as the mom I want to be?” Mallory recently went back to work part-time and is feeling immense guilt. It feels like she can’t win: When she is at work, she feels like she should be staying home with her children (and feel fulfilled while doing it). And when she is at home with her kids, she feels like she should be working harder. I point out that Mallory is carrying...

In this episode I talk with Diana and answer the question “How can I better communicate to my husband that I’m not comfortable letting our child sleep at my in-laws’ house?” Diana is not okay with either herself or her child sleeping there because years ago, her father-in-law was arrested for child molestation. Her husband has struggled to respect this boundary. Diana and I roleplay a conversation with her husband where she holds this boundary firm. She has the right to say no to sleepovers,...

In this episode, I chat with Christine and answer the question “How should I approach my daughter’s upcoming baptism when I don’t believe 8-year-olds are capable of making this choice?” Christine and her husband have several valid hesitations about their daughter getting baptized when they aren't sure that she really understands what she would be committing to. Christine and I unpack her concerns and I challenge the thought that her daughter has to be totally “ready” to commit to baptism...

In this episode I talk with Sylvia and answer the question “How can I stay engaged and active in the LDS Church as a working mom and a feminist?” Sylvia shares the story of a painful experience at Church that has left her wondering if she sustains her leaders. In fact, she has chosen not to renew her temple recommend because she isn’t sure if she can sustain her current bishopric. The word sustain has two main definitions. I used to think that sustain meant agree, but I see the word...

In today’s episode, I talk with Nicole and answer the question “How do I know if I want kids because I genuinely want them or because it’s always been expected of me?” After a recent break up caused by her partner not wanting to have children, Nicole is hoping to gain some clarity as to what she wants for her future and why. Nicole and I talk about how to have a meaningful life with or without children, if it matters at the end of the day if she does want kids because it’s what she’s always...

In today’s episode I chat with Morgan and answer the question “How can I talk about boundaries with my narcissistic mother-in-law who turns everything into my fault?” Morgan describes what interactions with her mother-in-law are typically like, and from what I hear it sounds like Morgan is doing a good job interacting with her. From my perspective, the bigger problem is between Morgan and her husband. There are important conversations Morgan and her husband need to have regarding boundaries...

In today’s episode, I talk with Kelly and answer the question “How do I learn to trust myself when I feel a disconnect between what I learn in therapy and what I hear at Church?” I know that a lot of listeners are going to relate to our discussion. Kelly shares that she feels two parts of her life—therapy and the Church—have been influential and helpful, but that they are currently at odds. During our time together we talk about Fowler’s Stages of Faith and how Kelly is moving from trusting...

Listen as I talk with Jennifer and answer the question “How can I be present when grief is always reminding me of what could have been?“ Jennifer shares the story of her relationship, her husband’s cancer diagnosis, and her experience of being a new mom of twins while navigating the grief of losing her husband. Now, five years later, she feels split between being present in her daily life and grieving the life she didn’t get to live with her late husband. Jennifer and I talk more about what...

This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to stay in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to stay in the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries. Choosing to Stay? How to Stay Connected to the LDS Church in a Psychologically Healthy Way If you choose to...

In this podcast episode I talk with Mary and answer the question “Has my Latter-day Saint (LDS) upbringing impacted my sexuality?” I tell Mary that her LDS upbringing most likely has impacted her sexuality—but that is true for any person. During our time together we explore the specific ways that LDS culture may have influenced her development. Mary would prefer to date women, but she is not sure if that fits within her values. We spend some time dissecting the difference between values and...

In this episode I talk with Sarah and answer the question, “In the classroom, what techniques can I use to stop comparing myself to others and start fostering a growth mindset?” Sarah just started attending school after a 5-year break, and she has found herself worrying that she isn’t smart enough to be there. Having mixed feelings about trying something new is totally normal. I invite Sarah to recognize her negative feelings and then let them go. She may worry that she isn’t smart enough,...

In this episode I talk with Ben Schilaty and answer the question “How can I help my LGBTQ+ friends who are in pain because they feel like they don’t belong in the LDS Church?” Ben’s question stems from his own experience of being a gay member of the LDS Church and from seeing loved ones in the LGBTQ+ community struggle to feel like they have a place in the Church. Ben and I talk about what he does now to try and help his friends. He shares that he’s a great listener, but that sometimes it’s...

In this episode, I sit down with Amanda and answer the question, “How do I talk with my husband about expectations for behavior at Church and contributing at home?” Amanda’s husband often has his phone out during Church and doesn’t like singing along to the hymns. She recognizes that as an adult, he gets to choose how to worship. But she still wishes he wouldn’t do these things. I tell Amanda that it’s okay to have expectations, but that it is better to focus those expectations on herself....

In this episode, I sit down with Emma and answer the question, “How can I talk about modesty to my tween step-daughter without undermining the contradictory thoughts of her mother?” Emma views modesty as a broad topic that covers how we think and behave, while her step-daughter’s mom ascribes to stricter dress code rules. They have different opinions, and Emma wants to be respectful of that while also upholding different rules in her own home. I tell Emma that it’s okay for her step-daughter...

In this episode, I talk with Beth and answer the question, “Should I try and save a friendship that’s ending because my family left the Church?” Beth’s family has a group of friends that get together several times a year for fun trips. After the news came out that Beth’s family is leaving the Church, it’s felt like these friends want nothing to do with them. I encourage Beth to go toward the awkward. It’s likely that these friends are making up stories about what leaving the Church means for...

This is part 2 of a 2-part interview with Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard. If you haven’t listened to part 1, I recommend starting there.. In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, we’re doing things a little differently.  Instead of hosting a guest and answering their questions, I am honored to be joined by two special guests who I get to interview: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard. You may be familiar with Jill from her time on the hit reality tv show 19 Kids...

In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, we’re doing things a little different. Instead of hosting a guest and answering their questions, I am honored to be joined by two special guests who I get to interview: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard. You may be familiar with Jill from her time on the hit reality tv show 19 Kids and Counting, but Jill is so much more than a tv personality. She is also a wife, mother, follower of Christ, author, and so much more. As you...

In this episode I meet with Molly and answer the question, “How do I cope with the disappointment that motherhood is not what I expected it to be?” Molly recently finished her graduate studies and was planning on starting a new job, but has instead found herself as a full-time caregiver to her son who was born with health challenges. On the one hand, Molly is grateful to have this extra time with her son. On the other hand, she feels disappointed she wasn’t able to start work. Part of her...

In this episode, I’m joined by Valerie Hamaker from Latter Day Struggles Podcast. We discuss the importance of open dialogue with children, the case-by-case approach to parenting, and the significance of considering a child's well-being and spiritual growth.  We also explore the complexities of navigating religion and belief systems within the family dynamic, addressing topics such as attending church, temple garments, mixed-faith marriages, and teaching children how to think for...

In this episode I meet with Lianne and answer the question, “How can I accept that I would have chosen differently in the past if I knew what I know now?” Lianne is getting ready to re-enter the workforce now that her youngest is in daycare, and she wishes that she had gotten her master’s degree before becoming a full-time mom. I advise Lianne to find compassion for the young woman she was when she made the decision to not pursue her master’s degree. I also invite her to grieve. It’s okay to...

In this episode I talk with Jess and answer the question, “How do I deal with fear of judgment in the Church?” Jess especially worries about what others think of her clothing choices. This has impeded her from fully enjoying activities ranging from attending Church to going to the beach with her family. I ask Jess to do the following when she notices herself worrying about her clothing: notice that she is worried, and accept the thought without judgment. I also invite Jess to consider getting...

In this episode I talk with DJ and answer the question, “How do I prevent burnout as a working mom?” DJ is finishing up her maternity leave, and she feels nervous about going back to work. There is so much on her plate, and it feels like something needs to be deprioritized as she re-enters the workspace. The only problem is, there isn’t anything that can be pushed to the side. I ask DJ how she and her husband share responsibilities at home and advise her to have a conversation with her...