Relationships are messy and we're bound to make mistakes. That's part of being human. When we take responsibility for those mistakes and make repairs, it strengthens the relationship. So why is it that so many people never make repairs? We're going to talk about what tends to get in people's way, what to do about it, and how to make effective repairs. I hope you'll share this episode with the people in your life that mean the most to you.   Karin's website: www.drcalde.com Karin on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theloveandconnectioncoach/   TRANSCRIPT Podcast Intro: Karin: This is Love Is Us, Exploring Relationships and How We Connect. I'm your host, Karin Calde. I'll talk with people about how we can strengthen our relationships, explore who we are in those relationships, and experience a greater sense of love and connection with those around us, including ourselves. I have a PhD in clinical Psychology, practiced as a psychologist resident, and after diving into my own healing work, I went back to school and became a coach, helping individuals and couples with their relationships and personal growth. If you want to experience more love in your life and contribute to healing the disconnect so prevalent in our world today, you're in the right place. Welcome to Love is Us.   Episode Intro: [00:51] Karin: Hi, everybody. I want you to imagine a time when someone close to you - a partner, a friend, family member, or maybe a coworker - did something that left you feeling hurt and you didn't get an apology. How did that feel? Take a breath. Bring yourself back to now. And then imagine a time when someone did apologize to you. How did that feel? Probably pretty good.   And now imagine a time when you hurt someone else. How hard was it for you to apologize? Did you apologize? And if you didn't, what kept you from apologizing? Was it because you were scared? Ashamed? Couldn't admit that you were wrong? Maybe you just didn't know how.   Today we're going to be talking about repairs in relationships. So what do I mean by the word repair? Well, it's about tending to the other person's needs when you've done something that hurt them. It might take the form of words or actions, and often an apology is part of the repair process, but it could be anything that helps stop the problem from getting worse and hopefully helps to make it better. So we're going to talk about the repair process today, and especially the apology piece. And I'm going to use the word “partner” today when I'm going to be talking about this and giving examples. But you can substitute another word such as friend, mother, husband, boss, and so on.   So why are apologies so important for your relationships? A repair communicates to your partner that they matter to you, that you respect them and that you care when they're hurting, that you want to treat them well, that you hear them and see them, that you get it. It also shows that you have integrity and you're trustworthy with your partner. It communicates love and builds trust and closeness.   Conflict is normal in relationships. Avoiding it, like so many of us do, does nothing for your relationships and can damage them. Conflict can be an opportunity if you choose to see it that way, because it's a way to grow. It's a way to hold a mirror up to you and see where you can do better. It's how we bring to the surface the things that are getting in between you and your partner. It's talking about those unspoken things that might have been under the surface until something activated them. It's a way you can learn about your partner and more importantly, how you learn about yourself. So, seen in another way, conflict can be a way to communicate something isn't. Right. Now, there will be times when there is no obvious conflict, at least not on the surface. But one of you is feeling hurt, sad, angry or frustrated at the other for something that was said or done or not done. And a repair is neede