Episodes
Historically, thediscourse of absence is carried on bythe Woman :
Woman is sedentary,Man hunts, journeys;
Woman is faithful (she waits ), man is fickle(he sails away, he cruises) .
It is Woman who gives shape to absence, elaborates its fiction, for she has time to do so;
she weaves and she sings; the Spinning Songs express both immobility (by thehum of theWheel ) and absence (far away, rhythms oftravel, sea surges,cavalcades ).
It follows that in any man who utters the other's absence...
Published 04/28/22
要追溯历史的话,倾诉离愁别绪的是女人:女人在一处呆着,男人外出狩猎,四处奔波;女人专一(她得等待),男子多变(他扬帆远航,浪迹天涯)。于是,是女人酿出了思夫的情愫,并不断添枝加叶,因为她有的是时间;她边纺织边浅吟低唱,纺织小曲里透露出安详宁静(纺锤发出单调的嗡嗡声)和怅然若失(听来那么遥远,风尘仆仆的节奏,大海的汹涌,车行的辚辚声)。
由此看来,一个男子若要倾诉对远方情人的思念便会显示出某种女子气:这个处于等待和痛苦中的男子奇迹般地女性化了。男子女性化的原因主要不在于他所处位置的颠倒,而在于他的恋爱。
Published 04/27/22
Sometimes I haveno difficulty enduring absence. Then I am “normal”: I fall in with the way"everyone" endures the departure of a "beloved person"; Idiligently obey the training by which I was very early accustomed to beseparated from my mother- which nonetheless remained, at its source, a matterof suffering (not to say hysteria) . I behave as a well-weaned subject; I canfeed myself, meanwhile, on other things besides the maternal breast.
This endured absence is nothing more or less than...
Published 04/26/22
忍受分离有时对我来说并不十分难。这样我就“正常”了:“大家”怎样忍受“情人”的分离,我也怎样忍受;我很早就习惯了与母亲的分离——尽管如此,从根本上来说还是件痛苦的事(别说感到惊恐了)——所以还能对付。我像个顺利断奶的孩子;在这期间,我能从其他地方摄食,而不必再依赖母亲的乳汁。
这种忍受分离的办法便是忘却。我时常有所不专,这是我赖以生存的条件;要是我不能忘却的话,那简直要我的命。恋人若无法忘却,有时会因记忆的魂萦梦牵身心交瘁,过度紧张,而最终死去(如维特便是)。
(在孩提时代,我无法忘却:在那些被冷落的日子里,母亲去远处干活了,漫漫长夜没有尽头;夜幕降临时,我会到塞夫勒—巴比隆的Ubis公共汽车站去等她;汽车一辆接一辆地驶过,上面总没有她的影子。)
Published 04/24/22
Endlessly I sustainthe discourse of thebeloved's absence; actually a preposterous situation; the other is absentas referent, present as allocutory. Thissingular distortion generatesa kindof insupportablepresent ; Iam wedged between two tenses,that of thereference and that of the allocution: you have gone (which I lament) , you arehere (since I am addressing you). Whereupon I know what thepresent, thatdifficult tense, is : apure portion of anxiety.
Absence persists--I must endure it. Hence I...
Published 04/22/22
我这样不停地诉说思念之苦,实际上是个很荒唐的情境;情人不在场,所以她是谈论的对象;而在我的倾诉中,她又是受话人,所以又是在场的;这个怪现象引出了一个无法成立的现在时态;我被夹在两个时态中无所适从,既有描述谈论对象的时态,又有针对受话人的时态:你已经远离(所以我才惘然若失),你又在眼前(既然我正在对你说话)。从这里我才悟出现在时这个最棘手的时态是怎么一回事,这原来是焦灼不安的一种迹象。
分离仍没有结束——我还得忍受。所以我得左右这个情境:将时间的错位转化为一种往返,从而造成节奏韵律,将语言戏剧化(分离才造成语言:小孩将线轴当成一个玩偶,抛开又拾回,摹拟母亲的离开和归来,由此形成了一个纵聚合关系)。
对远方情人的思念成了一种积极的活动,一桩正经事(使我其他什么事都干不成);从中衍生出许多虚构情境(怀疑,怨艾,渴望,惆怅)。语言经戏剧化后,对方的死亡被推延了:据说小孩子很快会从相信他母亲不在身边转而相信他母亲已不在人世。这其间只有很小的间隙。活跃情人不在的情境便是延长这个间隔,推迟这个信念的突然转变,以不至于很快相信对方已不在人世。
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Published 04/22/22
Is the abyss no more thanan expedient annihilation? It would not be difficult for me toread the abyss, not as a repose, but as anemotion.
I mask my mourning by an evasion; I dilutemyself, I swoonin order to escape that density, that clogging which makes me into aresponsiblesubject: I come out: it is ecstasy.
Rue duCherche-Midi, aftera difficultevening, X was explaining very carefully, his voice exact,his sentences well-formed, farfrom anything inexpressible,that sometimes he longed to swoon;...
Published 04/17/22
身心沉浸的功能
难道身心沉浸仅仅就是一种轻而易举的遁形虚化吗?在我看来,身心沉浸并不是一种将息,而是一种情感。我闪烁其辞是为了掩盖我的愁容;我恍惚晕眩是为了逃避那迫使我独当一面的重负和窒息感:能够脱身了,真让人畅快。
傍晚,谢赫西—米堤大街。一阵难堪之后,X以沉稳的嗓音,一板一眼、毫不含糊地说,他常常想晕眩过去,他深感遗憾的是,他竟不能随心所欲地使自己遁形匿迹。
话中有话。他想屈服于自己的怯懦,不再抵御这个世界的风刀雪剑;而就在这同时,他却以另一种力量,另一种形式的肯定,取代了自己的怯懦,不管对什么事,我都作出否定勇气的姿态,由此,我又否定了道德标准:这从他的声音里可以听得出来。
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Published 04/16/22
Either woe orwell-being, sometimesI have a craving to be engulfed.This morning ( inthe country), the weather is mild, overcast. I am suffering (from someincident). The notion of suicideoccurs to me,pure of any resentment(not blackmailing anyone); an insipid notion; it alters nothing (" breaks" nothing ) , matches thecolor (the silence. the desolation) ofthis morning.
Another day, in therain, we'rewaiting for the boat at the lake; from happiness, this time,the same outburst of annihilation...
Published 04/13/22
柔情
也说不上是悲还是喜,有时我真想让自己沉浸在什么里面。今天早晨(在乡村),天阴沉沉的,又透出几分暖意。我惆怅极了(却又说不上是什么原因)。脑海里掠过一丝轻生的念头,但又没有怨天尤人的意思(我并不想要挟什么人),完全是一个病态的怪念头,并不碍事(也“断”不了什么),只是与今天早上的情调(还有寂寥的氛围)挺合拍。
还有一天,细雨霏霏,我们在等船;这一次出于一种幸福感,我又沉浸在同样一种身不由己的恍惚中。常常是这样,要么是惆怅,要么是欣喜,总让人身不由己。其实也没有什么大喜大悲,好端端便会失魂落魄,感到沉醉,飘飘悠悠,身如轻云。我不时地轻轻触动、抚弄、试探一些念头(就像你用脚伸入水里试探一样),怎么也排遣不开。
又没有什么大不了的事。
这便是地地道道的柔情。
Published 04/11/22