Discover the hard truths about the impact of domestic violence on children, as we, David and Ruth Reymundo Mandel, discuss the "Myth of the Child Witness" chapter from David's book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."   We promise you'll come away with a deeper understanding and a sense of urgency to shift the way society responds to young survivors. Listen as we pull back the curtain on the often-invisible effects...

In this episode, Ruth and David start with a round up of their March 2024 Safe & Together trip to Australia and New Zealand with highlights from the 7th annual Safe & Together Asia Pacific conference with it's focus on work with First Nation peoples, feedback from podcast listeners, and an update on how the Model is transforming the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. Then Ruth and David pivot to discuss the ideas behind David's first book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring...

Both men and women can be violent and controlling. In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth and David speak with international expert Lisa Young Larance about her research and clinical practice related to women’s use of force in intimate relationships. In the conversation, Lisa highlights the importance of context and intersectionalities in any analysis of women’s use of force in intimate relationships. In recounting her work, Lisa shares about: The importance of a behavioral and...

Sexual and domestic violence in the military challenges recruitment, retention, team cohesion, operational readiness, security and organizational health. Yet, most militaries around the world are still struggling to effectively address these problems. Gaps in the response harm military families, and allow the destruction of the careers and health of survivors. The Safe & Together Institute, through its work with the UK Ministry of Defence, has seen the positive impact of domestic...

Historically research hasn’t always involved or benefited the population being studied. Dr. Elizabeth Dalgarno, the Director, and Founder of the SHERA Research Group is staunch advocate of research that is undertaken by and with the people it concerns rather than “on” them. In this far-ranging interview, Ruth, David, and Dr Dalgarno discuss:    SHERA’s research into health effects on survivors of their family court involvement in Brazil and England (Spoiler Alert: The negative health effects...

Domestic violence represent 27% of workplace violent events 1 in 5 victims take time off from work due to abuse 20% of victims of domestic abuse had taken off month or more in prior year 56% arrived late at least 5x/month53% missed at least 3 days of work/month 65% of companies do not have domestic violence  policy (SHRM)These statistics only represent a fraction of the picture of how domestic violence perpetrators impact their partner's employment, but also how they impact employers and the...

Are children domestic violence victims in their own right? Are they co-victims with the adult survivor? What is the relationship between the child and the adult survivors’ experiencesHow do we hold domestic violence perpetrators accountable in their role as parents? How do we consider the child’s relationship to the perpetrator in decisions related to them? How do we make sure both adult and child survivors receive the support they need and deserve? How do we consider the best interests of...

The problem of  dating violence and coercive control among young people has been sorely overlooked, and educational resources are hard to find...until now! In order make coercive control visible to youth &  to fill a gap in professional  education materials & intervention strategies for young people, we have partnered with the revolutionary new abuse prevention film, The Last Drop . In this Podcast interview, Ruth & David interview Adam Joel, the Writer & Director of the Last...

In this episode, Ruth & David speak with Lisa & Jack Bulman of Mibbinbah Spirit Healing about their work in community to facilitate healing from intergenerational trauma, support healthy relationship connections and strengthen the wellbeing of Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander men and families. Mibbinbah uses a “whole of communities” approach which brings men & women together to heal in community. (From the Mibbinbah website: “The two words Mibbin meaning Men or Eagle and...

In this episode, David & Ruth talk about why the Safe & Together Institute focuses on survivor protective capacities and some of the research behind this approach.  While assessments of harm and risk, and trauma frameworks are important, these approaches highlight danger and pathologies. But these approaches, while necessary, are not sufficient enough for true collaboration and partnering with survivors. In a world where there are gender double standards related to parenting, e.g....

Survivors, who are professionals, can live in fear that if they share their experience in the workplace, they will be dismissed and disregarded. In this episode, Ruth & David speak with Nneka Mcgregor, founder & Executive Director of WomenattheentrE, about the need to transform our systems so that professionals who are survivors, can safely share their experience to strengthen the response of systems to gender-based violence.  Nneka shares her journey as a survivor and a professional...

There are few intervention programs for fathers who use violence as part of their parenting. In this episode, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the work that needs to happen with violent fathers with Dr.  Katreena Scott, the  co-creator of the Caring Dads program.  In this interview, David Ruth and Katreena speak about The importance of intervening with violent fathers What makes Caring Dads different than a traditional men’s behavior change programmingHow Caring Dads is different than...

Professionals working in domestic violence and related fields are not immune from being abused by their partner.  In fact, their role as a domestic violence or related professional can create some unique vulnerabilities that perpetrators are willing and able to  exploit as part of their efforts at control. In another episode in the series about practitioners who identify as survivors,  Ruth and David interview one of their own colleagues at the Safe & Together Institute – Leah Vejzović...

Strangulation attempts are a common element of domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors. Non-fatal strangulation has long been identified as a risk factor for domestic violence homicide. Less attention has been paid to the short, medium and long term effects of non-fatal strangulation on survivor functioning and well-being. In this interview with Nneka MacGregor, Ruth and David discuss her research into the injuries, impact and experiences of survivors who have experienced...

Listening to the voice of lived experience experts, AKA survivors of all forms of abuse and neglect, is becoming more and more a part of the domestic violence-informed professional landscape. At the same time, self-disclosure, in professional spaces, of being an abuse survivor can be a fraught for some practitioners. It can be associated with fears of judgment and marginalization. Even though those survivor experiences can positively inform direct work with families, enrich organizational...

Working with domestic violence means professionals come into contact daily with complex & challenging trauma.   Beyond the complexity involved with working toward the safety of the family, working with domestic violence survivors  often confronts professionals with their own prior experiences of abuse and trauma.  Partnering with  survivors using the  Safe & Together Model is powerful, efficient and effective. This very same process may reveal to practitioner where they were blamed...

When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added - violence and danger - instead of what is taken away (safety, self determination, quality of life), we fail at naming some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about what survivors' often "lose" at the hands of domestic violence perpetrators. In this episode:  Stories of recent successes of the Safe & Together Model from around...

Toxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta. All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators.  In this episode of Partner With A Survivor, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the Safe & Together Model’s intersections offers a more powerful and accurate...

Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?”  or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.”  These victim blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors  and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate assessments and increase worker frustration with survivors.  In this episode of Partnered With a...

With upsetting frequency, the news will report a story of a child murdered by their mother’s partner. Sometimes this murder happens in the context of separation. Other times it is part of perpetrators' overall pattern of violence toward multiple family members. Unfortunately, dramatic homicides only tell part of the story. There are strong correlations between domestic violence and neglect deaths.  Child suicides also appear to happen in the context of domestic violence.  In this episode Ruth...

In this episode, David & Ruth discuss with Dr. Emma Katz in her new book, “Coercive Control in Children’s and Mother’s Lives.” Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children.  In this far ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr. Katz discuss:  How she was inspired to write the book by identifying how the literature was ignoring the experience of children in homes...

In this episode, David & Ruth continue their series on reproductive coercion as part of the cycle of intimate partner violence with an interview with Dr. Heather McCauley from the Michigan Consortium on Gender Based Violence MSU.  Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion, the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwanted pregnancy, STI & health issues.    Reproductive coercion is a common part of perpetrator's patterns of coercive control, violence...

Too often conversations about domestic violence define survivors as passive trauma survivors with the emphasis on the negative mental health and addiction consequences of the perpetrators' patterns of behavior. And while these impacts are real they only tell part of the story.  On a daily basis, survivors engage in  small and large acts of resistance to coercive control & domestic violence.   Based in their knowledge of the perpetrator,  their assessment of the system and available...

In this episode David & Ruth go 'myth busting!"   Like any effort to promote change, there can be misconceptions of what the Safe & Together Model does or is about.  The Safe & Together Model is not immune to this mischaracterizations. In  their conversations, David & Ruth tackle the following 7 mistaken perceptions of the Safe  & Together Model and discuss how each myth plays into our current siloed thinking around survivors and perpetrators; Myth #1: The Safe &...