Do you use relationship as a standard by which to judge yourself? Or is relationship for you something that adds more kindness into your life?   Most of us are brought up to be kind to others, but if the kindness is not flowing in both directions, there is not true kindness there.  If you are only being kind to the other person, you are limiting the kindness to you.   On this show, your host, Paula Peralta, talks with Dr. Dain Heer, cofounder of Access Consciousness, about kindness, and how it all starts with being kind to you.   Kindness to us which allows kindness to others is a massive strength, that if we would choose it would change every relationship we have, and change the face of the world. If everybody chose to be the kindness that they can, how diff would the world be? It starts with you.   Keys points from this episode’s conversation   Does Your Relationship Add To Your Life? How Do You Treat Yourself? Taking Steps Towards Kindness With Self Kindness To Self Changes Everything Make Time For You Value The Lightness And Space Kindness To Self Is Not Wrong The Difference Between Nice And Kind Ask For More Kindness Does Your Relationship Add To Your Life? 99% of rel is energetic; not cognitive. If you are going to be in a relationship, it should add to your lives dynamically, otherwise why would you have one? Most of what we learned about relationships we learnt from other people who did relationship poorly and we think we’ll do it better. Or we have the idea that relationship is going to solve all our problems. It doesn't. But it will point out our points of views about us in the world. We seldom go to that place of liking us, so we get in relationship with somebody who also doesn't like us. We assume that’s the way it has to be because we assume there is something inherently wrong with us.  Dain was engaged to someone who didn't like him.  When he realised that, he asked, "Where do I not care about me? What is this showing me?" You can either have kindness for you or the wrongness of you. Think of when you are around a friend who doesn't judge you, how much kindness does that give you for you? What if you just asked to be shown more kind people?    How Do You Treat Yourself? The more I am willing to be kind to me, the more kind people show up in my life. No matter what relationship we are in, if you can be that kindness to yourself that starts to allow us to receive that from the world too. A lot of people have no idea what it is to be kind to them. Dain gave the example of someone who could never please her parents. As a result, all she could ever do was look at what she hadn't been or hadn't done, so then she repeated that in her relationships. You need to look at how you are treating you and how are you being for you. When you notice that you are not being kind to you, just stop; and POC and POD everything that is. To know kindness more, think of what it's like to be around a puppy, or a friend who doesn't judge you.   Taking Steps Towards Kindness To Self Take that leap of treating yourself the way you should of been treated, not the way you were treated, and see what shows up. Try it for a couple of hours and see if you like yourself more at the end.  If you do, extend the time. Just one step in that direction creates a space where, rather than putting up with people who don't like us and trying to get them to validate you, you can go "Love me or hate me, I'm going to love myself." What you focus on grows, so make the demand that no matter what shows up, you will love yourself. Start small.  10 seconds of not judging you. 10 seconds of actually liking you. The more you can celebrate those small steps the greater it becomes. write down every single day one thing you  It doesn't have to be monumental; it's a marathon not a sprint   Kindness To Self Changes Everything We all probably have a lot of things we'd like to change.  Changing how kind you are to