How is your relationship with your kids? Is it a tumultuous ride that you don’t enjoy, or is it ease, joy and glory no matter what comes your way? On this show, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Danielle Tooley, about the relationship you have with your kids. She discusses tools and techniques to create a different space from which you can parent your children. What can we create with Relationships Done Different with our kids?   Keys points from this episode’s conversation How Do You Parent? Dealing With Emotions Being The Space Required For Your Children To Communicate With You Stop Judging Yourself   How Do You Parent? Danielle says that a lot of her parenting comes from reflecting on the way she was parented. Some of the things she does the same, but she also looks at where things didn't work. She likes to be really present with her parenting, and if something isn't working, she will ask questions like, "Where can I choose greater? Where can I be better? What can I do different in this situation?" When Danielle was growing up, she had a lot of freedom. They played on the street with their friends and would go home when the street lights came on. Whereas, kids these days don't get as much freedom as what she did. They are indoors more and on iPads. So, Danielle allowed her kids to have freedom from a very young age. At around 8 or 9 years of age, she let them walk to school together on their own. Although, she did say that the first time, she actually followed them in the car. Her main concern was because they had to cross main busy roads and she wanted to know if they'd use the lights and get across okay. And, she realised they were doing well. As a mum, it's about really using your knowing, using your awareness, and allowing them to have freedoms and really tapping into, "If I allow them to do this, is everything going to be okay?" Also, letting your kids know that they need to use their own awareness and intuition and knowing as well.  This isn't normally taught with kids. Usually it's about what you know as a parent and the kids don't know anything. There has to be a little bit of "You need to listen to me," because there needs to be boundaries, and also allowing them to know what they know too. Giving your kids space gives you more space for you, and it allows them to grow their confidence and feel empowered. They also get to see that their friends' parents don’t do that, so perhaps they'll think, "Maybe my mum's not so bad afterall." Leandra also has a 10 year old. He goes to a totally different school where he chooses whatever he does with his time there. It's about teaching him to ask questions and letting him know he is being heard and seen.   Dealing With Emotions Danielle grew up with a very emotionally reactive mum, so she learnt a lot of that emotional reactivity. It's something she's had to undo to be more present as a parent. Biomimetically mimicking is when you mimic someone else's behaviour, and Danielle really mimicked her mum. Rather than react, it's really about being calm and being space and also about being whatever energy is required in the moment.  Another tool that assisted Danielle was learning that there are things called distractor implants, such as anger, rage, fury and hate, that distract you from being you. It’s more about what is underneath the emotion. Danielle's son is on the spectrum and can go from 0 to 100 very quickly with anger. It's a matter of keeping her walls and barriers down to keep the wind out of his sails. When he is calmer, she can throw in a bit of logic, but she finds that logic with a kid that is fired up and triggered gets you nowhere. You may both need some space. There have been times when Danielle has said to her son, "I'm not feeling safe right now, so I am going to leave for a moment. You do your anger in your pillow, or whatever you need to do, but I am going to take myself out of the s