Are you in a relationship that you don’t like? Or are you desiring to create a relationship with someone? In this episode, your host, Rachael O’Brien, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Penny Tonkin, about  tools they have both used in their relationships to create more conscious relationships that allow you to have that sense of being alive and life being a gift to you. What if you could move from judgement and separation with people, to allowance, gratitude, vulnerability, honour and trust?   Keys points from this episode’s conversation   Ask Questions Every Day The Most Important Thing Is The Relationship With Yourself What Does Relationship Mean To You? POD & POC Destroy and Uncreate Your Relationships Every Day Trust What You Know Write A List Of Everything You Desire In A Relationship Is Your Relationship Fun For You? Ask Questions Every Day One of the tools Penny uses every day for relationships is to ask a question. We are taught to have the answer, and to go out and find the ‘right’ person and marry the ‘right’ person and get a house. What if that's not true for you? What if you can just have fun and ask a question, like, “What can I create today to have even more fun for me?" and follow the energy? Penny's first relationship, she knew it would never be what she wanted, and she created it like that. It took her 20 years to finally say that it was not working for her, but at least she recognised it and did something about it.  We all know in our hearts what is true. Penny really learnt to follow the energy and ask questions. Questions are the key for Penny; every day!   The Most Important Thing Is The Relationship With Yourself The thing that is most important is your relationship with yourself. Before you can have a relationship with anybody else, you have to have one with you. The 5 Elements of Intimacy are: honour, trust, vulnerability, allowance and gratitude. What if you could have those with yourself? When Penny grew up, she thought intimacy was about cuddling and sex etc. For Rahael it was kissing and hugging and bodies coming together. And it's not. That's copulation and touch. To Rachael, honour, trust, vulnerability, allowance and gratitude are essential aspects of your relationship with yourself; which she says she is still working on. Rachael was severely abused as a young girl, and she says we've all been abused. We live in a world where we are told to communicate through judgement and ‘this is right, this is wrong, this is good, this is bad’. So, her primary relationships as a young girl were not based on honouring, respect, valuing, or trusting what you know.    What Does Relationship Mean To You? Rachael recreated the relationships that she grew up around. She grew up around a lot of trauma and drama and havoc, and there was absolutely no peace or consciousness - consciousness meaning receiving everything and judging nothing. So, she ended up with relationships that she would not like to have instead of things that she would like to have. True relationship is about when people come together, they have a capacity and ability to have more abundance and thrive. That's actually the basis of relationships done different; that your relationships support you to thrive and have an abundance of living and the wealth of living, instead of havoc and fighting and getting into a boat where you don't know if the boat is secure and literally swimming in the middle of the sea blaming each other. Rachael would just fall in love. She never looked at, "Is this what I would like to have? Does this have something that is going to support me to have a greater way of living?" Relationship was just about survival for Rachael.  To change this, she started asking, "How did I create this?" If you are in a relationship that you are not enjoying or you don't like what you have, or there always seem to be a problem, ask "How did I create this?" It allows you t