Is your relationship working for you, or is it time for a change? In this episode, your host, Paula Peralta, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Leandra Costa, about tools that bring more ease with breaking up. Not enough people talk about break ups, yet we all have an idea of what a break up means, and it’s usually tears, depression, fights, can't get out of bed, netflix and icecream, etc., but Leandra has a very different perspective. There are tools that you can use to give you the space to see the gift in it and to look towards the possibilities you now have. Be kind to you. Take it easy. Be in question. Be present with what you want to change and create, and also with the other people involved, including your kids.   Keys points from this episode’s conversation   Ask Questions Destroy and Uncreate Your Relationship Make A List Be Kind To Yourself Who Does It Belong To? What Else Is Possible? When Kids Are Involved Choosing For You You Should Always Have More Of You Ask Questions How do we make break ups easy-ish? By asking questions and choosing for you. What would you like to have from now on in a relationship? Ask questions like, "Is it time to change? Is it time to finish?" "How can I make it ease for me and everyone else involved?" Ask lots of questions and then look to the future; “What would I like to create from now on?” For Leandra, using the tools of being in question and choosing for her created a lot of ease with her break up two years ago.   Destroy and Uncreate Your Relationship One of the tools talked about in Relationships Done Different is destroying and uncreating your relationship. This tool is about destroying what you expect your relationship to be like based on the past, so that you don’t project it into the future. Look at all the places where you have a projected point of view about what your relationship should look like? What hasn't measured up? What are your expectations? Check all of that and throw them out the window, so that you can have a clean slate today. Then you have the space to ask, “What would I like to create my relationship as?” “Everything my relationship was, every point of view, every expectation I have about what it's going to be, all of that, I destroy and uncreate it. Now, what's next? What would I like to create?”   Make A List If you are in a place where you don't know if the relationship is the relationship for you, whether it is done or something might need to change, make a list of all the things that would have to change in order for the relationship to work. Whatever that looks like, with no judgement. Include everything, as ridiculous as you think it is, such as, they've got to squeeze the toothpaste from the end not the middle, or they have to lower the seat down when he goes to the toilet, or they have to give you more compliments, etc. Write down 8-10 things that would create the relationship as greater for you. Then, go through the list and ask yourself, "Is this something that my partner can actually deliver?" Not from judgement, but truly get present with what you are asking for and if your partner could actually deliver that? It's actually an unkindness to expect your partner to deliver something they are not capable of delivering. You've got to be honest. If you get a yes, that's one step closer. If it's not going to work, it's not going to work. If you got in your car every morning and it didn't work, would you keep it? No, you'd probably get rid of it and maybe buy a new one or take the bus or whatever. You're going to make a change and do something different. What change is available in your relationship? What can you actually choose, in or out of the relationship, that would create the future that you truly desire? It's called a break up because it's broken. There is something about it that is not working. What is it that you would actually like to choose and does this relationship contribut