Are you eternally waiting to be in an intimate relationship? Is your relationship status constantly in your background dictating your choices?   On this show, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Shivam Saxena, about making the demand to no longer judge - you or anyone else - and enjoying whatever relationship status you are currently in. When Shivam stopped judging as a way to honour herself, everything became so much more ease.   What if making yourself happier was a greater choice than needing to be in a relationship?   Keys points from this episode’s conversation   Are You Living On An Autopilot Of Judgement? Who Are You Really Judging? Have Allowance Of Your Partner’s Judgements of You Embrace Your Current Relationship Status Are You Living On An Autopilot Of Judgement? How many people go about living their lives as if they are on autopilot, a little bit away, simultaneously constantly evaluating what they are doing and what they should be choosing and cannot choose, what they deserve, what they don't deserve, what they can have, what they are allowed to have, what the right age is to do things, etc.  It's kind of like there are two of you, one is trying to live and the other one is focused on, "Am I doing it right? How much am I screwing it up?" Trying our best trying not to make mistakes. All of this is judgement.   Who Are You Really Judging? People talk about relationship patterns. Who you are in relationship with may change, and you may change. You may think you have chosen a relationship that is entirely different this time, but then patterns emerge anyway. For Shivam, she noticed these patterns were so much about the judgements she had of herself, or how she saw herself. For example, if she saw herself as someone who was hyper, she noticed she would find people to be in relationship with who judged her as hyper and called her hyper.  How many times do we think they are seeing something in ourselves that we need to change, when in actuality, we are the ones who have already decided there is something wrong about us? Then the relationship becomes like a project of you working on yourself; "Thank you for showing me what is wrong about me. Now I will get to work on it," rather than enjoying the relationship and having the joy of having another person in your life. It's those places where you start to pick on each other's imperfections in relationship, rather than ask questions.   Have Allowance For Your Partner’s Judgements Of You One tool that really helped Shivam in her relationships is the willingness to be an allowance of your partner's judgements. There is a demand in all of our worlds to have a judgement free reality, but what happens is, a lot of times people start functioning from a judgement adverse mode; judgement of being judged. When you are in a closed relationship with someone who sees you day in and day out, the expectation of them to be totally judgement free can be a burden. That is not kind to the other person.  Shivam says that things got very easy when she stopped having the expectation that her partner couldn't judge her. It's about allowance. And, she says the funny thing was, that allowed the gratitude of him not judging her to start showing up.  Oftentimes, we wait for the gratitude in the relationship to show up; it's there in the beginning and then it starts to go wonky and you wait for the evidence; "Is he grateful for me?" How many choices do we make in relationships based on what the other person is making? Which is reaction. when you start really choosing what works for you, without discounting the other person or judging them, things become more ease for everyone. It comes down to, how do you see yourself and the relationship that you have with you?  Shivam made a choice to work on not judging. The greatest freedom she got from judging was when she realised that when she chooses judgement, she is not